Best guy friends as Bridesmen?

JNwedding31

4 BMs, 5 GM. Oct 2013 wedding.

Problem is I have 4 guy friends who I'm really close to that I wanted in my WP but didn't know how to make it happen. Couldn't put them on FI side b/c they're my guys, not his (although they are all very close with him since we've been together 8 yrs), and I was told it's rude to have them on my side b/c they'll feel stupid as "Bridesmen." So the (bad) advice I was given was to ask them to be ushers for our wedding during our engagement party. Once I found out that it's not an 'honor' I wanted to kick myself. I don't want them to have a JOB at the wedding, I want them in my wedding party. We bought them matching ties to wear with whatever suit they wear so they could be identified as my best guys (they don't have same suits/look as GM), but what do I do now about the usher thing?

Do I keep the usher thing? I want them up there standing up on my side during the ceremony and walking in with the rest of the WP for the introductions at reception. They are all invited to FI's bach party and I am inviting them in the limo we take to the venue from the house. (Also invited to rehearsal din). I also want them in my WP pictures. Do I refer to them as my Bridesmen so there's no confusion as to whether or not they're in the wedding party? Is there a more manly name than bridesmen? (lol) 

They are my best friends (since middle school- about 18 years now). If there weren't rules & faux pas I would've asked them from the start but like I said I was advised to just ask them to usher. I want it to be clear that they're in my wedding party, on my side, so what should I do?

Thanks!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-guy-friends-as-bridesmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:055d01dc-3880-4236-a85b-a32cbf9c98d5Post:225fc252-1365-422e-a452-668132699e85">Best guy friends as Bridesmen?</a>:
[QUOTE]4 BMs, 5 GM. Oct 2013 wedding. Problem is I have 4 guy friends who I'm really close to that I wanted in my WP but didn't know how to make it happen. Couldn't put them on FI side b/c they're my guys, not his (although they are all very close with him since we've been together 8 yrs), <strong>and I was told it's rude to have them on my side b/c they'll feel stupid as "Bridesmen."</strong> So the (bad) advice I was given was to ask them to be ushers for our wedding during our engagement party. Once I found out that it's not an 'honor' I wanted to kick myself. I don't want them to have a JOB at the wedding, I want them in my wedding party. We bought them matching ties to wear with whatever suit they wear so they could be identified as my best guys (they don't have same suits/look as GM), but what do I do now about the usher thing? Do I keep the usher thing? I want them up there standing up on my side during the ceremony and walking in with the rest of the WP for the introductions at reception. They are all invited to FI's bach party and I am inviting them in the limo we take to the venue from the house. (Also invited to rehearsal din). I also want them in my WP pictures. Do I refer to them as my Bridesmen so there's no confusion as to whether or not they're in the wedding party? Is there a more manly name than bridesmen? (lol)  They are my best friends (since middle school- about 18 years now).<strong> If there weren't rules & faux pas </strong>I would've asked them from the start but like I said I was advised to just ask them to usher. I want it to be clear that they're in my wedding party, on my side, so what should I do? Thanks!
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

For the bolded, I am not sure who told you that but they are wrong.  Your friends won't feel stupid standing on your side, they will feel honored that you consider them such good friends as to include them in your wedding.

I would have them stand on your side.  They can still help with ushering people to their seat.  Many times the GM do double duty.  But honestly, ushers aren't really necessary.  people know how to find a seat and sit down.

I would tell them all that in a moment of stupidity you listened to some horrible advice and now you realize that having them just as ushers is not an honor but a job.  And to rectify this because they mean the world to you that you want them to be your bridesmen (or whatever you want to call them) because you would just not feel right having them work on your wedding day.

kmbryant2413

If you want to honor people, do not feel like you need to give them 'jobs' to feel included. If someone explained to me that they really wanted me in their WP but just couldn't, but they wanted me to be an usher - well, I'd feel a little hurt, honestly. 

It is an honor for anyone to be asked to stand by your side. I had a bridesman on my side and he was THRILLED to come. I asked another man I was really close to and he refused. It is not rude, nor tacky to have men on your side, or women on FI's side. 

Ask them to stand with you. You won't regret it. And if people in your ceremony/family/whoever think it's weird, I PROMISE you they will not care 2 hours after the wedding. Seriously. If they are that important to you, put your foot down and have them stand with you.

You do not have to have a processional. You could have all the guys already up there, and your ladies come up. You could have them walk with the ladies. You could have everyone up there to start with. As far as 'pairing' them, or walking, it is now a free for all to do it how you please. 

Do what makes you happy, and if you want to honor those men, well darn well honor them!

JNwedding31

Haha love the advice so far. THANK YOU. 

I don't think it's weird  at all to have them on my side, but some people really do. One of the guys that I want up there- his wedding is 2 months after mine. He wanted me as part of the wedding but asked if my FI could stand up there with him instead of me, because his bride doesn't think it's right to have a girl on his side. I'm still riding in the limo, etc., but not standing with him. Have to admit I'm a little upset about that, but also glad that FI will be representing me in some way. (I guess lol).

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-guy-friends-as-bridesmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:055d01dc-3880-4236-a85b-a32cbf9c98d5Post:8d37624a-715b-4778-9389-5200fa9acfe7">Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen?</a>:
[QUOTE]Haha love the advice so far. THANK YOU.  I don't think it's weird  at all to have them on my side, but some people really do. One of the guys that I want up there- his wedding is 2 months after mine. He wanted me as part of the wedding but asked if my FI could stand up there with him instead of me, because his bride doesn't think it's right to have a girl on his side. I'm still riding in the limo, etc., but not standing with him. Have to admit I'm a little upset about that, but also glad that FI will be representing me in some way. (I guess lol).
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

<div>That's a very interesting notion that your manfriend has about FI standing next to him to 'represent' you. It sounds like his bride is jealous or overly concerned about it, but that is not my place to speculate at all. </div><div>
</div><div>Here's the question, though: So what if people think it's weird? Wouldn't you regret not having the people that mean the most to you standing up next to you? I'm really interested to hear what you are going to do about it, when you decide. I would have regretted not having my male friend stand next to me, even though my own grandmother made a snide comment to me on my wedding day about it. Didn't phase me. </div>

JNwedding31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-guy-friends-as-bridesmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:055d01dc-3880-4236-a85b-a32cbf9c98d5Post:8d8479ef-0944-4380-b09c-bdc5f0671c4d">Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen? : That's a very interesting notion that your manfriend has about FI standing next to him to 'represent' you. It sounds like his bride is jealous or overly concerned about it, but that is not my place to speculate at all.  Here's the question, though: So what if people think it's weird? Wouldn't you regret not having the people that mean the most to you standing up next to you? I'm really interested to hear what you are going to do about it, when you decide. I would have regretted not having my male friend stand next to me, even though my own grandmother made a snide comment to me on my wedding day about it. Didn't phase me. 
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, no- I'm doing it. My guys will be up there with me now that I know it's not an outrageous idea. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't poor etiquette or completely insane.</div><div>
</div><div>As for my friend who is having FI instead of me- should I say something? His bride and I are actually close... great relationship. Should I mention casually that I don't care what people think and the guys are standing next to me for my wedding - and see if she gets the hint? Or just suck it up? Lol. I think it might be her parents that are super traditional & she doesn't want to make any waves... but I could be wrong.</div>

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-guy-friends-as-bridesmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:055d01dc-3880-4236-a85b-a32cbf9c98d5Post:c5b06c12-72e1-4da2-9dbd-b9f0284b8d1a">Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen? : Oh, no- I'm doing it. My guys will be up there with me now that I know it's not an outrageous idea. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't poor etiquette or completely insane. As for my friend who is having FI instead of me- should I say something? His bride and I are actually close... great relationship. Should I mention casually that I don't care what people think and the guys are standing next to me for my wedding - and see if she gets the hint? Or just suck it up? Lol. I think it might be her parents that are super traditional & she doesn't want to make any waves... but I could be wrong.
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If you guys are close, then I think mentioning it (once) might be okay. I am too tired ATM to figure out great wording, but if you don't think it'll damage your relationship at all, then I personally see it worth a mention. Anything after that wouldn't be appropriate, however.</div><div>
</div><div>Yay on having your men stand with you :) That makes me happy. You can google images for 'bridesman' or 'groomswoman' and see all the neat coordination and whatnot that people have done. Stick around the boards here! There's plenty to learn :)

</div>

keochan

PP's have great advice, so I'm gonna keep mine short. My MOH will be my best male friend. anyone who thinks its weird can get over it, he's my best friend and the person I want standing up with me when I get married and I won't make accomentdations for people who are being old fashioned and can't grasp the concept.

JNwedding31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-guy-friends-as-bridesmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:055d01dc-3880-4236-a85b-a32cbf9c98d5Post:bd37d0c4-20e4-41c2-8359-2201025ee38d">Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen? : If you guys are close, then I think mentioning it (once) might be okay. I am too tired ATM to figure out great wording, but if you don't think it'll damage your relationship at all, then I personally see it worth a mention. Anything after that wouldn't be appropriate, however. Yay on having your men stand with you :) That makes me happy. You can google images for 'bridesman' or 'groomswoman' and see all the neat coordination and whatnot that people have done. Stick around the boards here! There's plenty to learn :)
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

<div>Here here!! Thanks :)</div>

JNwedding31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-guy-friends-as-bridesmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:055d01dc-3880-4236-a85b-a32cbf9c98d5Post:c31883a1-b1c4-4545-b5af-924eb9e7ef77">Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen?</a>:
[QUOTE]PP's have great advice, so I'm gonna keep mine short. My MOH will be my best male friend. anyone who thinks its weird can get over it, he's my best friend and the person I want standing up with me when I get married and I won't make accomentdations for people who are being old fashioned and can't grasp the concept.
Posted by keochan[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Awesome!! Well said!!

</div>

JNwedding31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-guy-friends-as-bridesmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:055d01dc-3880-4236-a85b-a32cbf9c98d5Post:c72b35ef-2158-4f09-a60b-de16aa55aec2">Re: Best guy friends as Bridesmen?</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you ask THEM if they would feel stupid, or did someone else convince you they would? Guys are bridesmen all the time. Usher isn't an honor.  Leading strangers to chairs doesn't make anyone feel special.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>A few people said it when I mentioned that I wanted my guys on my side.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't know how to make it clear to the guys now that they are in fact in the WP, on my side lol, and not just ushers. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-foot-in-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Foot in mouth" title="Foot in mouth" />

</div>

Kate61487

I'm really surprised by the negative attitude about ushers on this board.  Perhaps it's just different in my family / circle, but usher is still supposed to be an honor.  They sit in the front, are listed in the program, enter the reception with the BP, are in many of the BP photos.  I was shocked the first time I read that ushers "aren't part of the WP"  because we have always considered them very much a part of the WP.

That said; I'm wholly on-board for the bridesmen thing.  I had a bridesman and H had a groomswoman.  If that's really the position you want them in then by all means add them and let them know that you got bad advice and really want them standing up with you, but I don't think being an usher is a crappy "job" any more than doing a reading is a crappy "job".

ETA: as for how to do it:  I'd call them up or talk to them face to face individually and say "Hey, I know I asked you to be an usher.  I really wanted you to be a bridesman but I was told that was stupid but now I realize that it's not and it's actually really common and I'd like you to actually be standing up next to me.  If you want, of course.  If you'd rather stay an usher that's fine too"

amythystbride

I have a "Man of Honor" and he has loved every minute of it.  My fiance knows how important my friend is to me and it was an easy decision to keep him on my side as my Man of Honor.  We have so many mutual friends (many of them male) that I was already joking about how my Fiance stole half my bridal party already, lol.  Jonathan was honored to be asked and I think he's actually enjoyed being so included in the process (despite his utter lack of knowledge or interest about girly things and wedding accessories).  He stuck by me through thick and thin and I knew it just wasn't right to boot him the groom's side (even if they are great friends as well: I swear they're like long lost brothers or something) or make him an usher when he's been the most loyal friend I've ever had.  A few of my stuffier relatives quirked an eyebrow, but that was about it.  Even the most conservative didn't say a word.  They've known him for years and I think they really weren't all that surprised.  He's wearing a tux like the other groomsman, with a vest that matches the bridesmaids dresses and a boutonniere that is slightly fancier than the other groomsman.  He's been such a great sport about everything and I'm so proud to have him. 

My point is that your family should respect your decision and see that you love your friends.  They'll see that love and understand why you wanted them to stand by you.  And if anyone DOES gives you crap about it, just breezily explain: "How could I leave my closest friends out of my wedding party?"

-L

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding with a "Man of Honor". He loved it, and we all had fun. I didn't hear anybody having a problem with it. Personally, I don't think it is their business. You get to choose who you want standing by you.

The Best Man and Man of Honor even linked arms to walk back up the aisle. Everyone had a good laugh about it. It was fun!