BM Problem

karlabitz

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saric83

Yea...That's pretty crappy, not just to you,but also to those she used as back-up bridesmaids. 

In terms of the shower and BP, that's more on the people who planned it to not include you if you indicated that you wanted to be involved in hosting, but did you offer to host?

Retread, why should't she have a shower with a DW?  Obviously, she shouldn't be inviting anyone who isn't invited to the wedding, but besides that, what is the issue?

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-problem-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:24493458-4ccd-4168-a1fc-88d2f725fa15Post:9ead8d89-940f-4b34-baab-e1f097b5e956">Re: BM Problem</a>:
[QUOTE]She's a fair-weather friend who bases her friendship on what she thinks people can do for her. Write her off as a friend. You're better off without her. She shouldn't be having a shower if she's having a destination wedding.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Listen to Retread. She's spot on.

gmcr78

I disagree with Retread on the "no shower for destination wedding" thing.  You don't have a shower if you elope or if you have a private wedding to which you don't invite guests.  There is nothing wrong with having a shower when you're having a destination wedding to which people are invited.

gmcr78

Ah, I see, and that's a different story.  If the OP is being invited to the shower, she should still receive an invitation to the wedding, whether or not the bride/groom know that the OP can't make it. You never know, things might change, in which case maybe she'll be able to go. 
But I still disagree with your original statement, Retread, which was "she shouldn't be having a shower if she's having a destination wedding".

MissMolly

So, I'm not sure I understand this situation...

1. She had 3 BMs, and replaced ALL 3 of those BMs with 3 new girls, or:
2. She kept the other 2 original girls, and now has them, plus the 3 she replaced you with = 5 BMs??
3. Why do you feel sad about not being included in the planning of her shower? You aren't in her WP, so you wouldn't be included in the planning.
4. You told her you can't come to the Jamaica wedding, so why would you expect an invitation?
5. She did include you in the reception here, so I'm not understanding your last comment.

I'm sorry, I guess I just don't see the issue, unless she replaced all of her original BP, which is just wrong.

MyNameIsNot

It was wrong of her to replace you.  That says a little something about the friendship being replaceable.  If she has distanced herself from you since you stepped down, that's a pretty good indication that she was more interested in what you could do for her than a true friendship.  A true friend would be disappointed, but wouldn't stop talking to you because you were unable to make an international trip, even for her wedding.  

She should have sent you an invitation to the wedding, even knowing you probably wouldn't make it.  It was a faux pas for her to remove you from the list, especially when she knew you were invited to the shower.

On the other stuff, she's not wrong.  There's no reason for you to expect to be involved in planning a shower unless you previously offered to throw one.  There's also no reason for her to involve you in planning the May party.  

It sounds like you are really just upset that she's pulling away and basically breaking off the friendship in retaliation for you dropping out.  It's perfectly reasonable to you to be upset about that.  Part of having a destination wedding means understanding that some people won't be able to go, even though they may really want to.  

saric83

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-problem-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:24493458-4ccd-4168-a1fc-88d2f725fa15Post:95583c17-4a1f-4abb-9d21-5a4182653eb1">Re: BM Problem</a>:
[QUOTE]She sends out invites to the Jamaica wedding and doesn't even send me one Brides who have destination weddings don't get to have showers, unless everyone is invited to the destination wedding.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

So the issue is simply the obvious that anyone not invited to a wedding shouldn't be invited to a shower, but it's completely irrelevant to whether or not she's having a destination wedding. 

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-problem-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:24493458-4ccd-4168-a1fc-88d2f725fa15Post:88183630-452b-4fa3-aa96-00254e162014">Re: BM Problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Saric, she can have a shower IF everyone is invited to the wedding. ONL then.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Right, but her point is that this is true of all weddings and showers, and has nothing to do with the fact that it's a destination wedding.