UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses

mnhartmann

Brides and Attendants, I need your help.
I am standing in a wedding memorial weekend and the bride finally selected a bridesmaid dress.  The only way to describe the dress would be to say if we were planning on being cast in the reality show "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" we would have the perfect look. 

On top of the garish nature of the dress, the cost is over $200 and will likely require rush charges as the wedding is in just 6 weeks. (We've been asking for months).

She sent me a link to the dress, expressed concern about the cost and asked for my honest opinion about the dress. She asked "do I think it's hideous or not"?  What do I do?

The wedding will be at a very upscale location and will be a full Catholic ceremony. She's always had a very simple, muted style so this selection has us all baffled. 

I don't want to hurt her feelings but I worry that we'll order these dresses (only seen via internet) and she'll regret how tacky we look in this beatiful venue. 

Help! Do I say something (and how) or do I just keep my mouth shut and be a seen by not heard bridesmaid.

Thanks!!

AddieCake

I would tell her it is out of my price range and that I am not comfortable purchasing a dress I have not tried on. 

KatWAG

I would be honest with her. You are buying it, so you are entitiled to an opinion.

Link to the dress?

mnhartmann

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:305c97f2-b21b-46a9-9bde-35c5e483d25c">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be honest with her. You are buying it, so you are entitiled to an opinion. Link to the dress?
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

<span style="font-family:'Times New Roman','serif';font-size:12pt;"><a href="http://www.alyceparis.com/iridescent-silky-chiffon-strapless-long-flowy-gown-dress-35519.html" rel="nofollow"><span style="font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';font-size:10pt;"><u><font color="#800080">http://www.alyceparis.com/iridescent-silky-chiffon-strapless-long-flowy-gown-dress-35519.html</font></u></span></a><font color="#000000">
Here is the dress I'm referencing.</font></span>

misshart00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:2e7b6ecb-4a55-4a54-805b-da6528d08aa8">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses : <a href="http://www.alyceparis.com/iridescent-silky-chiffon-strapless-long-flowy-gown-dress-35519.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.alyceparis.com/iridescent-silky-chiffon-strapless-long-flowy-gown-dress-35519.html</a> Here is the dress I'm referencing.
Posted by mnhartmann[/QUOTE]



That is so not the dress I was expecting. I actually kind of like it.

But, tell her it's out of your price range and that it's not your style. Then I might give her a top price range you're comfortable with.

msuprincess04

Well, not nearly as bad as I was expecting, but I could see how the beading is a bit over the top. Maybe suggest something with a similar shape, but less sparkly. 

This one (link)still has some sparkle around the top and is a little cheaper.

mnhartmann

Thanks everyone.

Regarding the description - in my area, this would be considered quite garish. I'm sure in other places it's quite appropriate. I'm definitely not trying to be rude - just mindful of the fact these will be so different than the rest of the wedding atmosphere.  Plus the website lists these are prom dresses and not bridesmaid - at her conservative Catholic cermony, just find this an odd choice.

I'll give talking to my bride a shot. Thanks.

mnhartmann

I guess we just have different view points... but thanks for the advice.

Wife Kitty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:4f10eec9-17d0-42dc-820f-a7f2946184a1">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]THESE are over the top and garish:
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

OMG! My sister was forced to wear the canary yellow one when she was the MOH in another wedding last year. And she's a petite blonde.

My personal favorites are the teal and green monstrosities. Gone With the Wind meets Kids Incorporated!

OliveOilsMom

The dress that msuprincess linked to is a dress that me and the BMs in my sister's wedding just picked out.  We had the choice of getting whatever we wanted and all chose the same dress.  It was NOT clingy and it fit every BM and there is a wide size difference between us all.

Summer2011Bride

Whether or not you like the dress, I think the even bigger issue is the price. If she did not ask your individual budgets ahead of time, she should be now. I would tell her, "I'm sorry but that dress is out of my budget. The most I can afford to spend on a gown is ____."

Sierra524

I dont think its ugly at all. I actually like it a lot. But, it is weird that its a prom dress & not a bm. I agree with PP...regardless of if you like it or not, if its not in your budget then I would inform the bride that its more than you want to spend. Did she ask your budgets ahead of time? I would also be concerned about not being able to try it on prior to buying it.

banana468

It seems way to prom for me.

Ditto Kristan about the possiblity of it not working in a Catholic Church without covered shoulders.   My BMs all had linen wraps that my mother made so they would have covered shoulders for the ceremony.

But just tell the bride that you're not a fan of the dress cost.   At this point, could you find something off the rack?

Peledreamsofrain

I think we're just jaded, after seeing all the stuff that gets posted here :P

OP, I would just let her know that it's out of your price range.  If you bring up style issues, it may bring up drama.  If you are ok with drama, go for it.  If not, then avoid discussing the style.

mnhartmann

Thanks everyone... We talked and she is absolutely in love with these dresses (in the color I linked). She has offered to contribute to the cost to bring it more in line with what we thought we would be spending. Bottom line...while not my taste or budget, the bride loves and is helping with the cost. She's a dear friend and I would rather she be happy on her day than push back anymore on the dress. I appreciate all the tips to start the convo with her. Thanks!!!

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:aa28cf0f-862d-4997-81d2-9a605e82c930">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone... We talked and she is absolutely in love with these dresses (in the color I linked). She has offered to contribute to the cost to bring it more in line with what we thought we would be spending. Bottom line...while not my taste or budget, the bride loves and is helping with the cost. She's a dear friend and I would rather she be happy on her day than push back anymore on the dress. I appreciate all the tips to start the convo with her. Thanks!!!
Posted by mnhartmann[/QUOTE]

<div>Awesome, good for your friend for helping with the cost!  Thanks for the update too!</div>

banana468

I just imagine that body design showing off every lump and bump.   My small chest and post-baby belly that never went away look at that dress and beg to wear a terrycloth bathrobe on top of it.  

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:fe4688c7-a894-4040-82e7-93f643f0b3b8">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your definitions are "over the top' and "garish" are very different from the rest of the world's.  But I would just tell her "honestly, I'm not a fan and I cannot afford that price anyway." 
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree. I was expecting WAY WAY worse.

If it is out of your price range, Iw ould say something...but if it really is just a little bit about taste, I'd remain quiet...

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:4e49eee7-4a33-494b-a294-7bec221eb97e">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]I just imagine that body design showing off every lump and bump.   My small chest and post-baby belly that never went away look at that dress and beg to wear a terrycloth bathrobe on top of it.  
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I would need some serious Spanx if I were to wear that dress.</div>

gmcr78

Holy crap, it looks very similar to my wedding gown (see my siggy below).  Since she asked, give her an honest answer. Tell her you don't care for it, and that $200 is more than you wanted to spend.  Then give her your realistic budget.

ETA: The "holy crap" part was coming to terms that someone thinks a dress this similar to my wedding gown is "garish" and "ugly".  Bummer.

vanityink

I your dress, gmcr. Then again, I don't really have a problem with the bridesmaids' dresses either.

I mean, THESE are My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding dresses:

 

gmcr78

Thanks, jessica, I love it too!

od307202

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:e1cd0d33-78af-420d-943c-41c7e661ea16">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]I would tell her it is out of my price range and that I am not comfortable purchasing a dress I have not tried on. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>I second this. I would never purchase a dress that I hadn't tried on. I would just relay that to her.</div>

od307202

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:2e7b6ecb-4a55-4a54-805b-da6528d08aa8">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses : <a href="http://www.alyceparis.com/iridescent-silky-chiffon-strapless-long-flowy-gown-dress-35519.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.alyceparis.com/iridescent-silky-chiffon-strapless-long-flowy-gown-dress-35519.html</a> Here is the dress I'm referencing.
Posted by mnhartmann[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with you. Not only is the iridescent accent hideous, but that fabric doesn't look very forgiving. I would be worried about how it would look on me.</div>

od307202

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ugly-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:65915600-f79f-41ea-a861-ce2c437511f4Post:7056edcd-2bf7-4caf-862b-e982dab46901">Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: UGLY Bridesmaid Dresses : I agree with you. Not only is the iridescent accent hideous, but that fabric doesn't look very forgiving. I would be worried about how it would look on me.
Posted by od307202[/QUOTE]

<div>Wait...I just saw that it's actually listed as a prom dress. That's exactly what I thought when I saw it.</div>