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Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses

Any advice is welcome!
I (foolishly?!) got all my bridal party- a matron of honor, maid of honor, two bridesmaids and a junior bridesmaid to go to a boutique with locations a town over as well as in Manhattan, knowing the locations of the store would appease everyone. I thought we had narrowed it down to two options as I had asked everyone, privately, their budgets. Then my maid of honor claims its too costly ($260- and yes I have paid more than that repeatedly) and texts me to say she will email the rest of the party to go dress shopping against my pleas that my fiancé and I were and are taking a much needed break from wedding planning.
Fortunately she hasn't done anything. I am particular and do not want anything but long dresses (otherwise I would need to pick out shoes for them) and have a specific shade of cranberry in mind. Would I be out of line simply picking out the dress myself? Every bridal party member has very different frames but I would never pick something that didn't universally look good. Macy's has a bridal boutique locally and in Manhattan (which is also local) and most of the party has accounts with Macy's.
It may sound selfish and likely is but I stand firm that this is my wedding. The area all of us live in is costly and I am of course supplying hair, make up by a professional Stella cosmetics artist and my mom is hosting the shower. Pictures and videography will easily run 9k. I want those pictures to look good. I also don't want to run all over NY/NJ for bridal dresses- I went to two local shops and found my dress which is substaintally less than most. I also hate shopping.
Am I being a brides ills if I make a reasonably priced, generally figure friendly choice on my own?
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Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    You sound like a bridezilla in the making, quite honestly.

    Your MOH shared that it's too expensive (AND IT IS!!!...My girls are all paying $100) and you're brushing it off?  You can select a color...and even select a dress, as long as each girl can afford it which that doesn't appear to be the case.  I don't know why you're anti-short dress.  You don't have to select a shoe.  They can wear black, silver, whatever...all on their own.  These are supposed to be your closest friends in the world so why not have everyone be happy?  And if you have multiple frame types, good luck trying to find one dress that is flattering on everyone.  I found a dress that was more "forgiving" for my two plus size bridesmaids but my two very athletic thin ones looked pretty ridiculous in it.  I gave up and I'm letting everyone choose their own now and each girl is thrilled and they ALL look amazing.


  • Mer380Mer380 member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:760b2d97-3ca4-4b1d-a35d-08f4635233cf">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]You sound like a bridezilla in the making, quite honestly. Your MOH shared that it's too expensive (AND IT IS!!!...My girls are all paying $100) and you're brushing it off?  You can select a color...and even select a dress, as long as each girl can afford it which that doesn't appear to be the case.  I don't know why you're anti-short dress.  You don't have to select a shoe.  They can wear black, silver, whatever...all on their own.  These are supposed to be your closest friends in the world so why not have everyone be happy?  And if you have multiple frame types, good luck trying to find one dress that is flattering on everyone.  I found a dress that was more "forgiving" for my two plus size bridesmaids but my two very athletic thin ones looked pretty ridiculous in it.  I gave up and I'm letting everyone choose their own now and each girl is thrilled and they ALL look amazing.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]



    I don't have any plus sized bridesmaids. My matron of honor picked a dress that was, also floor length and suited everyone with its empire waist line from the Dessy collection.. Please also bear in mind that prior to the shopping, I asked everyone what their limits were price was and was told ' nothing more than $500. We all live in an affluent area and paying $260 is hardly unusual.
    That said, I do not want to cause friction, hence my question- is it okay for me to pick a reasonably priced dress on my own? $100 would not even cover simple alterations in this area of the country unfortunately. And I want floor length dresses as they are appropriate for a mid November wedding in the northeast. I want all dresses to be the same or from the same line as I want my pictures to look as fluid and beautiful as possible.
    I was hoping to find a nice dress under $200 and stick to that.
    japrincess24
  • Ok, living in LA, I also get the price thing. Alterations are expensive and my dress was expensive. And my cousin is anti-short dress, too, because this is a black tie wedding. She let us choose our own shoes, but she probably would have done that regardless (because I have foot problems and her MOH and my sister have nearly a foot difference in height). 

    If you're really insistent on picking the dress yourself, find a bunch of options. They don't all have to wear the same dress; your pictures will look better if everyone looks good in her dress. We have four different dresses that are the same color and fabric and come from the same designer. They will look similar enough, but they will suit everyone nicely (for example: my sister's has a halter, which is more supportive for her. She would NEVER be comfortable or flattered in my strapless dress, or the MOH's one-shoulder dress). 

    But honestly--and I really do believe that you have good intentions!--your priorities seem a bit skewed. A wedding is soooooo much more than the photos. It's about celebrating. It's about your marriage! If you're married at the end of the day and the most important people in your life are there to see it, nothing else *should* matter, no matter the cost. Admittedly, most people have more cares, and that's totally fine. But 20 years from now, when your daughter and her best friend sneak off with your wedding album, what will honestly matter more to them: seeing everyone they know and love from growing up and seeing a beautiful day for their parents, or seeing perfectly color-coordinated photos? Speaking from experience, because this is actually something my best friend and I did over winter break, the former was very special for both of us.  
  • Mer380Mer380 member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:cf334bed-b018-4758-8941-374882dad971">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, living in LA, I also get the price thing. Alterations are expensive and my dress was expensive. And my cousin is anti-short dress, too, because this is a black tie wedding.  She let us choose our own shoes, but she probably would have done that regardless (because I have foot problems and her MOH and my sister have nearly a foot difference in height).  If you're really insistent on picking the dress yourself, find a bunch of options. They don't all have to wear the same dress; your pictures will look better if everyone looks good in her dress. We have four different dresses that are the same color and fabric and come from the same designer. They will look similar enough, but they will suit everyone nicely (for example: my sister's has a halter, which is more supportive for her. She would NEVER be comfortable or flattered in my strapless dress, or the MOH's one-shoulder dress).  But honestly--and I really do believe that you have good intentions!--your priorities seem a bit skewed. A wedding is soooooo much more than the photos. It's about celebrating. It's about your marriage! If you're married at the end of the day and the most important people in your life are there to see it, nothing else *should* matter, no matter the cost. Admittedly, most people have more cares, and that's totally fine. But 20 years from now, when your daughter and her best friend sneak off with your wedding album, what will honestly matter more to them: seeing everyone they know and love from growing up and seeing a beautiful day for their parents, or seeing perfectly color-coordinated photos? Speaking from experience, because this is actually something my best friend and I did over winter break, the former was very special for both of us.  
    Posted by fionahalliwell[/QUOTE]


    Thanks for your understanding! I do plan on picking at least three dresses from the same designer's line to give everyone options, particularly my matron and maid of honor and my junior bridesmaid. I think my comments regarding the pictures were a hit over stressed on my part. I'm getting a lot of pressure from my maid of honor to go all over NYC (where my fiancé and I lived, she never did and doesn't) to look at dresses, particularly at David's Bridal which I am not conceding to. The customer service there is atrocious and I'm having a premium wedding. I understand being cost- conscious but Do not want to sacrifice quality, there must be a middle ground. I'm also continuously being texted pictures of various junior bridesmaids dresses from her mother, my aunt and being asked when she can place the order and even having to listen to such absurd advice as velvet gowns (on Easter no less, to the point where my fiancé got so mad he rolled his eyes at my dad and said it was time to go). I'm feeling like something so simple is becoming such a headache when the typical things, such as budget are flowing smoothly. It's making me question 'who's wedding is this anyway' . I've been in my fair share of weddings and always had a motto of 'out up and shut up'. I gave everyone 11 months notice with personalized thank you. Ards for agreeing to stand up for me.
    Please ignore the 'typos' for some reason this site doesn't Gree with my iPad and isn't permitting me to go back and fix anything!
  • I totally get the iPad thing! I don't use the app. I just post from safari. 

    You make some good points. I think you need to double check with EVERYONE on budget (in private). As for your aunt, you have to just do the polite and respectful thing. Definitely look for dresses, though. Try pinterest and polyvore (my favorites) and dept. store websites. Or specialty stores--we got ours at Bella Bridesmaid. Be open, though, because if someone has a good idea, it may be worth considering! My sister was not initially satisfied with the Bella dresses and researched a ton to find different places (before she finally settled on her dress). 

    And seriously, don't let anyone pressure you about NYC! Everything's a zillion times pricier in the city. 

    PM me if you need advice! I love clothes and I just did the bridesmaid dress thing. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:40b17e1f-9d93-4f1c-b632-898a3f0d4eb3">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]I totally get the iPad thing! I don't use the app. I just post from safari.  You make some good points. I think you need to double check with EVERYONE on budget (in private). As for your aunt, you have to just do the polite and respectful thing. Definitely look for dresses, though. Try pinterest and polyvore (my favorites) and dept. store websites. Or specialty stores--we got ours at Bella Bridesmaid. Be open, though, because if someone has a good idea, it may be worth considering! My sister was not initially satisfied with the Bella dresses and researched a ton to find different places (before she finally settled on her dress).  And seriously, don't let anyone pressure you about NYC! Everything's a zillion times pricier in the city.  PM me if you need advice! I love clothes and I just did the bridesmaid dress thing. 
    Posted by fionahalliwell[/QUOTE]


    Thanks again- I will PM you for dress advice. Bella is where I found the two original dresses I liked and my bridal party all initially agreed to and I was willing to let them choose whichever they personally liked best. Having lived in NYC there was no way I was going to go there for bridal party dresses- I didn't even go there for mine (I got it at a boutique in Hoboken, where we lived until recently).
    I'm definitely dealing with my aunt with 'kid gloves' , just something you have to do with family. I don't really get anyone commenting on exactly what a,punt of money is too much for dresses (or anything else for that matter) as different regions have higher costs- all around.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:ac30eadd-bc40-4604-9e81-23c4a9607961">Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]Any advice is welcome! I (foolishly?!) got all my bridal party- a matron of honor, maid of honor, two bridesmaids and a junior bridesmaid to go to a boutique with locations a town over as well as in Manhattan, knowing the locations of the store would appease everyone. I thought we had narrowed it down to two options as I had asked everyone, privately, their budgets. Then my maid of honor claims its too costly ($260- and yes I have paid more than that repeatedly) and texts me to say she will email the rest of the party to go dress shopping against my pleas that my fiancé and I were and are taking a much needed break from wedding planning. Fortunately she hasn't done anything. I am particular and do not want anything but long dresses (otherwise I would need to pick out shoes for them) and have a specific shade of cranberry in mind. Would I be out of line simply picking out the dress myself? Every bridal party member has very different frames but I would never pick something that didn't universally look good. Macy's has a bridal boutique locally and in Manhattan (which is also local) and most of the party has accounts with Macy's. It may sound selfish and likely is but I stand firm that this is my wedding. The area all of us live in is costly and I am of course supplying hair, make up by a professional Stella cosmetics artist and my mom is hosting the shower. Pictures and videography will easily run 9k. I want those pictures to look good. I also don't want to run all over NY/NJ for bridal dresses- I went to two local shops and found my dress which is substaintally less than most. I also hate shopping. Am I being a brides ills if I make a reasonably priced, generally figure friendly choice on my own?
    Posted by Mer380[/QUOTE]
    No, your plan is not okay.  First of all, there would be absolutely no need for you to pick out their shoes if they had shorter dresses.  Forcing matching shoes is a bridezilla move, plus you would have to pay for them.  Second, there is no such thing as a dress that is universally flattering, especially if the ladies are a variety of frames.

    What you want them to wear is a long, cranberry colored dress.  So just tell them to get long, cranberry colored dresses.  If you have a particular designer in mind with the shade of cranberry you like then tell them to get any long dress by designer X in fabric and color Y. 

    Generally, I suggest you unclench and stop thinking of your bridesmaids as photo props.  Your photographs are supposed to record your wedding day, not be the focus around which your wedding decisions are made.  Spending $9k on them does not entitle you to act like a bridezilla.



  • You seem to be really hung up on the fact that you paid alot for BM dresses for weddings you were in and now expect the same from others. Sadly, it doesn't work like that. Not everyone is in the same position, and budgets change. You can blame it on your area, if you want, but that's a lame excuse. If it's a major brand like Dessy, there are all kinds of discounted options. Try Pearls Place or Netbride.com and order over the phone. They have great discounts on well known designers. There still may be a way to drop the price while still getting the dress you want. And, yes, long dresses are more expensive, but it sounds like you need to recheck with your BP about what they can afford. If money isn't that big of a deal to you, why don't you chip in to help bring their costs down?
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • d2vad2va member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    If I understand this correctly OP asked her BP their budget and they all agree no more than $500... SO $260 IS within budget! If one of you BP members changed their minds I think you should sit everyone down again and tell them to give you a real number.

    I live in Miami, and theres nothing less than $150 - NOTHING. so I think the PPs that said that $260 is expensive should consider the fact that the OP is in onr of the most expensive cities in the country and you cant compare mid west, the south or any place thats not a huge city with the prices in these big cities. 


    japrincess24
  • Did they all separately say $500 or was this in a group setting? Most people are not willing to be the one who says "well, that's too much" in front of other people who are agreeing it's okay.

    If they did all say this of their own accord, then I expect the MOH just doesn't like the dress or color and is unwilling to be completely honest, so her fallback excuse is, "it's too much." Or, it's possible her financial situation has changed and she can no longer afford that much.
    image
    japrincess24
  • I live in Manhattan, I get it. The weddings I've been in here, the bride has picked a designer (Like Jasmine, Bill Levkoff, etc), a length, a fabric, and a color. And then the bridesmaids have picked their own dresses within those parameters. I recommend you do the same. Just double check with each BM privately what they are willing to spend on a dress.
    image
  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz mod
    Moderator 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    I too live in Jersey and I know how expensive it is.  Even if my bridesmaids told me that they can afford $260, I would never in a million years ask them to spend that much.  I agree with msuprincess when she says that you seem really hung up on what you had to spend in dressed for weddings.

    And what exactly do you mean by having a premium wedding?  And I too am highly offended by your David's Bridal comment.  Though I have no idea where I am getting my BMs dresses from, I have been to weddings were DB was used and the dresses were gorgeous!  
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  • nikole712nikole712 member
    100 Comments First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:6114fcab-97e3-49cd-a281-1fd13e589254">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses : Am I the only one who found this comment extremely offensive? It's one thing to not want to shop at the location near you because the service is terrible but you're basically telling all the ladies here who used DB that their wedding isn't "premium" enough.
    Posted by missax[/QUOTE]

    Actually, no you are not. I was also offended by this post. I also live in an "affluent" area in Northern NJ but I did not want my BM's to spend a ton of money on a dress they are wearing only once. We went to DB and found very nice dresses at an affordable price and everyone is happy.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:e801fe9a-32b7-475b-a73e-b01f097bc36b">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]I too live in Jersey and I know how expensive it is.  Even if my bridesmaids told me that they can afford $260, I would never in a million years ask them to spend that much.  I agree with msuprincess when she says that you seem really hung up on what you had to spend in dressed for weddings. A<strong>nd what exactly do you mean by having a premium wedding?</strong>  And I too am highly offended by your David's Bridal comment.  Though I have no idea where I am getting my BMs dresses from, I have been to weddings were DB was used and the dresses were gorgeous!  
    Posted by 50ShadesofMe[/QUOTE]


    I'm still trying to figure out what makes a "premium wedding"... premium.

    Clearly, I'm doing it all wrong and my wedding isn't going to be "premium" at all since DB dresses were among the final top contenders.  /sarcasm
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    Our bridesmaids dresses are around the same price. I brought the bridesmaids and they selected them together. This was the dress they all wanted. I don't think that $260 is ALWAYS too much money for a dress. Many of my friends would have purchased a similarly-priced dress as a guest and this dress is black and short and truly can be worn again.

    I do not recommend selecting the dress without them. Bringing my BM's was so important because I wouldn't have known what does and doesn't work with their body types. You say you'd pick something universally flattering, but I think that's hard to do without having them around. There are so many things I didn't know wouldn't work with certain body types. If I picked something, my bridesmaids would have probably rebelled.

    I would contact your bridesmaid ASAP and offer to pay the difference over what she could afford. It would be a major pain to start shopping all over, it would be rude to impose a dress on everyone, and it seems like everyone knows they like this dress already so this is really the best solution. It is your wedding so if it's important that they have a certain dress for the photos, video, etc., YOU should pay to make that happen. I did this with my one bridesmaid who had a smaller budget.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    OP, just because you live in an "affluent" area does not mean that your BMs have to spend an arm and a leg on their dresses.  I am sure even "affluent" areas have reasonably priced stores.

  • I'm in the Miami area, too, and I can promise you that there is plenty under $150.  My BMs dresses were $115.  My wedding gown is from DB, I guess I'm not premium enough either... oh well!
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  • We averaged $280 for my cousin's BM dresses. :/ Again, though, hers is black tie, so I guess she wanted to go really top-of-the-line. My mom just figured we'd pay what we had to pay, and no one ever discussed budget. 

    Truth is, the other options we looked at were equally as expensive. There isn't a really convenient DB, so no one felt that going all the way out to where it is was a good use of our time (or, honestly, a good idea, considering we'd have to pick up the dresses and all!). 

    And this is all before we get to alterations...
  • I've probably been in about a dozen DB bridesmaid dresses. I am plus-size and still liked most of the dresses I wore. Most people would not be able to ( or care) if a dress was designer. I don't care what they said their budget was originally if they are pushing DB now (before you buy) they are trying to subtly tell you they want to lower their budget. I don't blame them, even if I could afford a $200+ dress that doesn't mean I would want to spend that.
  • My dress and my 6BM dresses are all from DB... and honestly... they are a little cheap. If you read reviews on their BM dresses there are a bunch of posts complaining that their dress ripped during the reception or stitching was coming undone.

    Sounds like OP did ask about budget and according to what she was told... she picked a dress almost half the cost!

    I am a big fan of the pick the designer, length, fabric and color and let the girls pick their dress move. You get the main elements you want (long and cranberry) and now all your girls can look their best and be comfortable.
    image


    Anniversary
  • I'm sorry that my opinion OD David's Bridal offended some of you. There aren't convenient locations in the area and I find the experience of shopping there to be unpleasant. I also think their alteration costs are overpriced. That said my experience with them was limited to going with a friend to get her bridesmaid dress. By premium, I meant I choose the 'premium' (as labeled by by venue) package. Again, my apologies for having offended some of you. Please note, I did ask everyone their budgets. MOH has pointed out more costly dresses, so I agree with the poster who commented that it's likely she just didn't like either of the two dresses we originally picked, despite having said so. That's fine. I just do not have the time or energy to go all around NYC looking at dresses. I didn't do that for my own. I will pick a designer, fabric and color and let them choose appropriately. I am not open to short dresses; I do not find them seasonably appropriate nor do I think they will look well with my dress and the groomsmen in black tie. If this was a summer wedding, I would be all for it. As I am having those closest to me in my party, I am aware of their financial situations and would never put them in an inappropriately priced dress. I worked with my MOH and lived with her for three years. My current plan as it stands, is to find dresses with different prices so everyone has options. I am not considering paying 'the difference' on a dress; I never said money doesn't mean anything to me and believe that would create an awkward situation. Again, my apologies for the DB comment. My intent was not to offend; there is just a stigma, whether right or wrong, with them. Having witnessed poor customer service, I'm not interested in going to the one closest to me (nor am I interested in going to any store with bad customer service).
  • Mer380Mer380 member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:4bc0a510-e69c-414c-b325-f7d3a1df4cd0">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't assume that you "know" someone's financial status.  People may have very lucrative jobs, but be in debt up to their eyeballs.  Do you think someone will share those details with you?????
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


    Actually, yes, in this case I do know.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:6114fcab-97e3-49cd-a281-1fd13e589254">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses : Am I the only one who found this comment extremely offensive? It's one thing to not want to shop at the location near you because the service is terrible but you're basically telling all the ladies here who used DB that their wedding isn't "premium" enough.
    Posted by missax[/QUOTE]

    No, trust me, it wasn't just you.
  • shaylagirlshaylagirl member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:cc551ac9-ad6d-4f19-bd71-587d8cc507ce">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]My intent was not to offend; there is just a stigma, whether right or wrong, with them. Posted by Mer380[/QUOTE]

    Except that statement, right there, is still offensive. 

    What stigma?  You went in to ONE DB with your friend to pick up a BM dress, so from a once-removed experience you paintbrush ALL of their stores with a "poor customer service" label.  And yet, SO many women on these very boards have gone in and have pleasant experiences.

    I get them perhaps not being in a convenient location for you; that would indeed suck, but your "experience" with them and what you've heard through the grapevine doesn't qualify you to pass judgement until you interact with them on a personal level.

    But, that's coming from someone who's letting her BP pick whatever they want, in whatever price range they're comfortable with, in so long as it's close to the color, so they can be happy and comfortable.  And if they have short dresses, I don't give two figs WHAT their shoes look like. 

    ETA:  THIS is what happens when you respond reading down a thread without finishing.
    WHOOPS! 
  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz mod
    Moderator 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    I agree that not all DB locations are the best.  I have only been to one in Jersey and I had a great experience.  And I (as well as everyone else) appreciate the apology.  I like your idea of giving the girls options.  Have you looked into Alfred Angelo?  They are great and have great BM options.  I do like Dessy myself, but the prices are a little more than what I'm comfortable asking my girls to spend.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:590021af-11d0-4e5d-8883-9524ddd8f322">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses : Actually, yes, in this case I do know.
    Posted by Mer380[/QUOTE]

    <div>You know what, though? It doesn't MATTER <em>what</em> you know about their financial status. If they don't want to spend hundreds of bucks on a dress they'll never wear again, then that's their choice. And I hope you're not willing to end a friendship over something so trivial.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:13522944-eabe-4234-8c14-714290db8284">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses : You know what, though? It doesn't MATTER what  you know about their financial status. If they don't want to spend hundreds of bucks on a dress they'll never wear again, then that's their choice. And I hope you're not willing to end a friendship over something so trivial.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with your message, but I'm getting the vibe that this is a lot like my cousin's wedding. And, in that case, my cousin wasn't GIVING us a price option. Seriously, price never came up. She just assumed she knew everyone's finances well enough and, again, we averaged $280 for four dresses. HUGE cost and, so far, the only one wearing hers again is my sister (who plans on using it as a prom dress a few weeks after the wedding). Otherwise, one mentioned shortening it. I'm going to wear mine again for an event in a few months--<em>maybe</em>. </div><div>
    </div><div>I definitely would have preferred spending less, but that was never a choice for me, and I think OP is kind of the same. Which, if that's the case, means that she's not thinking about ending the friendship, but she's frustrated because she can't figure out why the MOH would want a cheaper dress. And again, I get that. I just also think I get where OP's coming from because she sounds like my cousin in a lot of ways. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:13522944-eabe-4234-8c14-714290db8284">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses : You know what, though? It doesn't MATTER what  you know about their financial status. If they don't want to spend hundreds of bucks on a dress they'll never wear again, then that's their choice. And I hope you're not willing to end a friendship over something so trivial.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]


    Please read all of my posts. I asked and was told price wasn't an object unless it was "outrageous, like $500". She also pointed out more than anew dresses upwards of $300 that she really liked, so as a PP me toned, I think she doesn't like the dress and instead is saying the dress is too costly, perhaps not to offend my taste.

    I'm not sure why people are up in arms over the money issue. It's not that unheard of to spend that much on a BM dress in this area, for a formal wedding. My main question, which is how I ended my original post, is would it be inappropriate to pick out dresses on my own. I comprehend that it's reasonable and fair if she does not want to pay more than a certain amount, I just need that to be communicated to me when I ask, and I've asked multiple times.
  • Ok, my idea? I am sure someone (maybe even many someones!) will disagree, but it seems like an easy way to find out: 

    Pick a dress you're pretty sure she'll like. Think about what she typically wears and try to find the kind of dress she'd like. Aim for it to be $250-$300. Email her a photo and get her opinion. 

    If she says it's too expensive, you'll know that it comes down to money. Don't discuss it with her, because she doesn't seem comfortable discussing it, but plan accordingly. 
    If she says she doesn't like it, maybe you're misreading her style. Encourage her to scour the internet to find styles that interest her. 

    Phrase things carefully, too. "Hey, MOH, I found this dress and it seems like something that might work well for the wedding. Thoughts?" Subtlety is key! 
  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-input-limitation-on-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:74bb23e9-4f1d-411c-bd64-bc12482f5c04Post:f97c9af9-b721-4ef8-a330-eafd404a0ee0">Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Party Input Limitation on Dresses : Please read all of my posts. I asked and was told price wasn't an object unless it was "outrageous, like $500". She also pointed out more than anew dresses upwards of $300 that she really liked, so as a PP me toned, I think she doesn't like the dress and instead is saying the dress is too costly, perhaps not to offend my taste. I'm not sure why people are up in arms over the money issue. It's not that unheard of to spend that much on a BM dress in this area, for a formal wedding. <strong>My main question, which is how I ended my original post, is would it be inappropriate to pick out dresses on my own.</strong> I comprehend that it's reasonable and fair if she does not want to pay more than a certain amount, I just need that to be communicated to me when I ask, and I've asked multiple times.
    Posted by Mer380[/QUOTE]

    I answered this in another post. Yes, I think it would be inappropriate.
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