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Do you think brides expect to be asked as bridesmaids?

I have one friend who asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding just over 2 years ago.  By the time of my wedding it will be 3.5 years since her wedding.  We were college friends and then both lived in NYC for the 4 years that I was in medical school there.  We didn't live together.  We would get together every so often for a catch up dinner or dance class or something when our schedules allowed.  Now that I've moved away from NYC we catch up on the phone about 5 or 6 times a year.  I don't feel nearly as close to her as I do to the other friends I'm planning to ask as BMs, but close enough that I'd still invite her to my wedding.  Do you think she'll "expect" to be asked as a BM?  P.S. She got a little bridezilla-ish toward the end of her wedding planning, not hesitating to tell our mutual friend who was a guest that the dress she was planning to wear was too close to white and therefore unacceptable.  She did the same for her future sister-in-law.

Re: Do you think brides expect to be asked as bridesmaids?

  • I agree with PP. Right around the 9 month mark start figuring out who you'd like to ask. I was in a wedding back in 2009, at the time we were like best friends. I just got married and that girl was not even invited to the wedding. Things happened and we stopped talking about a year ago. I am very thankful I waited to ask my bridal party otherwise I would have made a huge mistake.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    It depends. Some people get really weird about this. Whether she expects it or not, however, you are not obligated to ask her to be in your wedding party. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Please, please, please wait to ask your bridal party. Click around for ten minutes and you'll find all sorts of sob stories on bridesmaids that were asked too soon. 

    And as your your friend, weddings aren't tit for tat. 

  • I've been a BM four times, and only one of the girls who's wedding I was in is in mine (my sister). Things change, I think people understand (and if they don't, they should). 
  • If she gets weird about not being asked, thats her own problem. Definitely ask the girls you feel closest to.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    As Addie said regardless of what they expect you're under no obligation to ask them.  Invite who you're close to right now.

    Of my 4 BMs I don't fully expect to be asked to stand up in any of their future weddings.  Two of them I've already started to drift from a little (life has just gotten in the way) and they're not even seeing anyone so I doubt we'll be super close if/when they get engaged.  My two MOHs I'm still very close to, but they both have 3 sisters so I wouldn't be too terribly surprised if they got engaged tomorrow and didn't ask me to stand up.
  • Thanks everyone!  As for this whole wait till 9 months before to ask bridesmaids, I totally get it, and probably will wait a little while to ask the ones that I don't talk to as much (but love a ton and really hope they can be a bridesmaid), but the other three are like sisters (MOH IS my sister), and I'm the MOH for one of them just 6 weeks before my wedding (she already asked), and was a bridesmaid for the third last year.  So I feel safe asking all of them sooner than 9 months.  Also, I wouldn't ask any later than that just so that they can help my sister plan the bachelorette and shower and we can do dress stuff with plenty of time for alterations.  Am I crazy?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_do-you-think-brides-expect-to-be-asked-as-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a8b70b49-129a-4f00-b9f2-5403ea85fca1Post:f510ec6c-67d3-4e65-9828-031f2a514f5a">Re: Do you think brides expect to be asked as bridesmaids?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks everyone!  As for this whole wait till 9 months before to ask bridesmaids, I totally get it, and probably will wait a little while to ask the ones that I don't talk to as much (but love a ton and really hope they can be a bridesmaid), but the other three are like sisters (MOH IS my sister), and I'm the MOH for one of them just 6 weeks before my wedding (she already asked), and was a bridesmaid for the third last year.  So I feel safe asking all of them sooner than 9 months.  Also, I wouldn't ask any later than that just so that they can help my sister plan the bachelorette and shower and we can do dress stuff with plenty of time for alterations. <strong> Am I crazy?
    </strong>Posted by Yellobat[/QUOTE]

    Yes.

    You don't need 9 months to plan a bachelorette party or a shower, or do anything really. My wedding dress was made in 1 month, your bridesmaids don't need to order dresses until around the 5 month mark.

    I wouldn't put too much of a gap between the asking the first 3 and then asking the rest of the people at a later date. Why don't you just stick with the 3 you want to ask and leave it at that?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_do-you-think-brides-expect-to-be-asked-as-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a8b70b49-129a-4f00-b9f2-5403ea85fca1Post:f510ec6c-67d3-4e65-9828-031f2a514f5a">Re: Do you think brides expect to be asked as bridesmaids?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks everyone!  As for this whole wait till 9 months before to ask bridesmaids, I totally get it, and probably will wait a little while to ask the ones that I don't talk to as much (but love a ton and really hope they can be a bridesmaid), but the other three are like sisters (MOH IS my sister), and I'm the MOH for one of them just 6 weeks before my wedding (she already asked), and was a bridesmaid for the third last year.  So I feel safe asking all of them sooner than 9 months.  Also, I wouldn't ask any later than that just so that they can help my sister plan the bachelorette and shower and we can do dress stuff with plenty of time for alterations.  Am I crazy?
    Posted by Yellobat[/QUOTE]


    Those are the three you definitely want. Just go with them. I asked mine right when I got engaged (year before wedding date) Mine are my sisters, my cousin and a best friend since middle school. I feel like with these choices, I was safe to ask a year out. I also have always known they would be my choices. I'm always baffled when people have such a large party and complain about regretting their choices of BMs...
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