Large family, lots of little kiddos

bholts1

My fiance and I come from large families with a lot of young children.  I have 5 little girls on my side who I am incredibly close with, and he has 3.  They range in age from 11yrs -4yrs.

I would like to have the 4 year old as a flower girl, and didn't anticipate asking the others, because I don't want the ceremony to have too many children in the processional, but I would love to come up with a creative way to include all the children, so they don't feel left out.

It will be a Catholic service, so I was thinking about having the 3 oldest girls, bring up the gifts, but that leaves 4 girls with nothing to do.  

How can I make the girls feel included without having them actually in the wedding?

Thanks!

Summer2011Bride

Honestly being a guest is an honor too. Not everyone has to be doing something in the wedding. It would be worse to make up jobs for them to do.

I would ask the 4 year old to be FG if you want her to be. The others don't have to do anything; just being invited is enough if you want to celebrate with them.

kmmssg

One of the lessons we often fail to teach our children is that others will get privileges you don't get and we need to be happy for them.  It is often very entitled parents who TEACH their children that they must have everything.  I have no idea if that would apply to the parents of the children you are concerned about.

I completely understand wanting to include them all but that is a LOT of little girls.  Programs are a crap job for an adult or teenager, but in our family the kids love being asked to hand out programs.  Last year my 11 yo niece thought she was the bomb when she was asked to attend the guest book.  Again, another crap job for teens and adults, but kids (at least in our family) get pretty geeked at the prospect.  Especially when there is a corsage involved.

Are the other 4 girls old enough where 2 of the could hand out programs and 2 could attend your guest book?  Are you handing out bubbles or anything?

It is perfectly fine to teach the lesson that not everyone gets a job in the wedding.  It is a good life lesson.  

fuerst37

Not everyone needs a job at a wedding. Being a guest can be an honor, I think. It's nice to watch sometimes rather than have the pressure to have a task.

That being said, I do remember when we were younger, my soon-to-be aunt wanted to include my 23 cousins and me in the Catholic ceremony. (Heaven help her!) They had us all learn a song and sing it on the altar. I know that at the time, we thought we were rock stars. What it was like coordinating that or being a parent of a "rock star"? I don't know.

itzMS

I would ask your priest before making ANY plans.

At my church (also Catholic) children are not allowed to participate in the wedding ceremony, with very few exceptions. Our priest sees them as a distraction to the sanctity of the ceremony.

Why not do something else for the children that doesn't involve them particpating in the actual ceremony? You could buy them each a special dress or outfit to wear to the wedding. Maybe they could all have small bouquets or wrist corsages.

harper0813

Invite them as guests. They'll dress up nicely and have a great time dancing.

Some PPs have mentioned that kids don't care - as a little girl, I totally cared when I wasn't in a wedding party. I never got to be a flower girl, and the 90s were the days when EVERYONE had flower girls. When my godfather got married, I was 7 years old and considered too old, and he asked me to be a reader. My younger cousin was asked to be the flower girl. My 7-year-old reaction was to be completely bitter. My mom bought me a special new dress, I had a flower corsage, and I did the reading. But I was pissy about it.

But it was a really valuable lesson for me. I learned that I was not entitled to anything. My mom, when she noticed that I was jealous, made a point to explain to me that the wedding was not about meand that it was an honor to be invited AND to be the reader.

[Deleted User]

I agree w/pp that kids need to learn that they can't always be a part of everything. You can do a fun shot of them all together. If you want to make them feel special, if you're doing assigned seating at your reception have something at their table with their name on it to keep them entertained. Check out Oriental trading, they have some cute premade wedding them activity kits for I think a great price. Wouldn't it make a kid feel special if they got to a table and there was basically a present with their name on it? Plus it will help keep them entertained during dinner.

julie650

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_large-family-lots-of-little-kiddos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cc3d3f1f-2f70-46a5-88db-5d15f2ab15a7Post:2eb198c9-2c6c-4bef-977a-87d4b20b8c85">Re: Large family, lots of little kiddos</a>:
[QUOTE]I would ask your priest before making ANY plans. At my church (also Catholic) children are not allowed to participate in the wedding ceremony, with very few exceptions. Our priest sees them as a distraction to the sanctity of the ceremony.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

I think this is probably very specific to only your church. That is usually the farthest from the truth in most congregations.

Miss7May

I don't think you have to feel like you have to include all of them, but if the families can afford it then I would see about having them have special dresses.  It will make them feel pretty and like you haven't forgotten them.

You could always find little jobs for them to do (things that don't even really need doing, but will make them feel special), like handing out programs and birdseed.

I think people are right about the fact that kids shouldn't feel entitled to have a place in a wedding.  I would make sure though that the ones who are in your wedding aren't the same ones that other people have asked to be in theirs while the others are frequently left out.  If the four year old has already been a flower girl, but one of the other ones hasn't then I would ask the one who hasn't been one yet (unless she really wouldn't enjoy it).