I give up...

fperez7542

It doesn't matter that I've said not everyone had to participate or contribute to any activities the MOH is planning.  They all planned the engagement party and are starting to plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party.

These parties are not something I asked for.  We are a very tight group of friends and we have themed dinners very often.  We also do non wedding activities 2-3 times a month.  We also include the kids and some times we do the adult only activities. We basically try to find any time or occasion to do stuff together.  For example next weekend batting cages & rock climbing.  Next month a show with the kids.

Well, although we do themed dinners and never argue this whole wedding thing has brought out the arguments.  My MOH is MIA half the time.  However, when two BMs start talking about the bridal shower or bachelorette she surfaces and doesn't agree with what has been planned while she has been MIA.  She states they all have to agree.

I have another BM who has a problem with the bachelorette party.  That it shouldn't be the few activities the girls are planning that it should only be a night party and that's it.  Her husband is a GM too and she has a problem with theirs too, because it will be expensive.  She wanted them to charter a boat but the guys don't want that.  So she's upset.  Then she states that she's been in 6-7 weddings and she never spent so much money on things and that not even when they went away on vacation did they spend so much money.  I honestly have tried to keep it at a minimum with the dress ($130) and tux ($170), and even told her everything else is optional. I have told the MOH and BM please please make sure to keep people's budgets in mind and they have tried.  No one was forced to do an engagement party for us.  They wanted to and everyone contributed $40 for food, liquor and decorations.  They even did it at my house to save money.  It hurts that she tells me that my wedding is too expensive for her when I am not asking her to do anything.

This also comes from the person who told me my mom is the one who should plan our bridal shower, I shouldn't have bought my garter or cake cutter because someone is suppose to give it to me.

So my mom saw how upset I was this morning and told me to tell them she was doing the bridal shower by herself.  This was in order to take the burden or everyone but now all the BMs are texting me separately to tell my mom that they will help her, even the one who said my wedding is too expensive.  I just don't get it.

I'm going to crawl under a rock until the morning of our wedding.

fperez7542

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e9ec11-bec3-4964-ab9a-6dd64a1cd082Post:7043d6da-cbf2-4175-b43b-7630b4532e5d">Re: I give up...</a>:
[QUOTE]Stay out of it. If they have offered to help with a party then it is between the wedding party. If someone brings it up to you, you say "as the bride I don't want to get involved in these discussions" and then change the subject. Also, just an aside, $170 for a tux???  Is this a rental or did they have to buy one?
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

The $170 is for a rented tux, includes shoes, white shirt, vest and tie. Do you find that to be a lot?  I posted about prices before FI picked his and I think the range given was $135 to 175.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e9ec11-bec3-4964-ab9a-6dd64a1cd082Post:21b17e45-cdcf-4bea-8584-6b8aee9c9d0d">Re: I give up...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I give up... : The $170 is for a rented tux, includes shoes, white shirt, vest and tie. Do you find that to be a lot?  I posted about prices before FI picked his and I think the range given was $135 to 175.
Posted by fperez7542[/QUOTE]

I think thats a lot. The tuxes our guys are wearing are $100, which includes the shirt. They get their vests and shoes free. & FI gets his whole outfit free. But, $100 if the 50% off price. So they would have been $200 normally.

As for you wedding party, I agree with PP...just stay out of it. I know its hard because everybody wants to come to you with all the issues, but you just have to say "sorry, but I dont really think I should be involved in these discussions"

MissMolly

Oh, do I hear you! My issues stem around my own mother though, and my sister who is the MOH. She has toned things down a little after I suggested that she might consider giving her opinion in a nicer, more tactful way, rather than saying "I hate those wedding colours; they look like vomit, but it's up to you". Mom hasn't toned it down; she's been really negative about the whole thing.

Now, what I would do in your case: reiterate that you never asked for those things in the first place, and that if it's too much money for them to be done, simply suggest that they be cancelled. If your MOH has a problem with anything, then that is her issue, not yours. If it gets really bad though, you might want to reconsider having her up there. To me, it doesn't make sense to feel the need to be fake-happy around the people in your wedding party. She's been in loads of weddings? Were they years ago? Maybe she doesn't realize that prices of things have gone up. When my sister got married 12.5 years ago, their meal cost $12.50/plate. What FH and I found was around the $30/plate mark was a good price. Sis's dress: $800; mine: $1200. Things go up in price, and some people just don't realize that.

It really sucks when a person can't be heard or understood, especially when it concerns such a huge day. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all of this, and hope that things start looking up for you soon!

Alesha

fperez7542

This was the reason I asked about tuxes before because we didn't know what was a good deal. We did have a 40 discount FI got his free. I'll speak to FI about going back and checking other prices. No One has paid in full yet.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e9ec11-bec3-4964-ab9a-6dd64a1cd082Post:39edc63e-327c-40f6-9e3a-a1ed2f08dff0">Re:I give up...</a>:
[QUOTE]This was the reason I asked about tuxes before because we didn't know what was a good deal. We did have a 40 discount FI got his free. I'll speak to FI about going back and checking other prices. No One has paid in full yet.
Posted by fperez7542[/QUOTE]

Woah...its was $170 even w the 40% off?! Crazy! Can I ask where you got them from? We reseved at Tuxedo Junction. Only had to put a small deposit down to get the 50% off price.

fperez7542

No, I'm sorry I'm on my phone at the dollar sign isn't registering in the post. It was 40 dollars off. I asked why it came to that they said taxes and some insurance thing they add.

fperez7542

Men's wearhouse. They only put 20dollars down. If its possible to get a lower price for them I will. Like I said in the OP we are definitely trying to make it as affordable as possible. Since I'm on my phone I'll have to Check later but I could have sworn this price was right in the middle of the prices given by the ladies in my area. wouldn't the area matter too?? I have been trying to stay affordable for everyone's sake. They a said anything lower than 200 was preferable. That's why I didnt pick the BM dresses for this reason. I had them chose what they liked luckily that was the only thing they didn't argue about. They all agreed and liked the same dress style.

AddieCake

I don't know anything about the cost of tux rental, but I agree just stay out of the WP stuff. You've done the best you can with them!

PrettyGirlLost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e9ec11-bec3-4964-ab9a-6dd64a1cd082Post:c2f3de52-7d11-487a-a9b1-65f560d2d32e">Re:I give up...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Men's wearhouse</strong>. They only put 20dollars down. If its possible to get a lower price for them I will. Like I said in the OP we are definitely trying to make it as affordable as possible. Since I'm on my phone I'll have to Check later but I could have sworn this price was right in the middle of the prices given by the ladies in my area. wouldn't the area matter too?? I have been trying to stay affordable for everyone's sake. They a said anything lower than 200 was preferable. That's why I didnt pick the BM dresses for this reason. I had them chose what they liked luckily that was the only thing they didn't argue about. They all agreed and liked the same dress style.
Posted by fperez7542[/QUOTE]

Yeah $130-$170 is pretty standard for Men's Warehouse.

PrettyGirlLost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e9ec11-bec3-4964-ab9a-6dd64a1cd082Post:16e3d96a-10d8-41ff-b146-85fc92f4acdf">Re: I give up...</a>:
[QUOTE]It must depend on the area or something cause we used Men's Wearhouse several years ago and that is also where my husband is renting his for a June wedding.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

Must be a Pennsylvania thing :-P

QueerFemme

Ours were about 160 at Mens Wearhouse with the 40 dollar off coupon, so I don't think yours are super pricey.  They do have cheaper ones, but the fabric wasn't nearly as nice, and they didn't fit as well.  We paid for the WP attire, so it wasn't a big deal to upgrade to the nicer brands.

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e9ec11-bec3-4964-ab9a-6dd64a1cd082Post:910b0134-67b9-4a15-9888-99b7d823d765">Re: I give up...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ours were about 160 at Mens Wearhouse with the 40 dollar off coupon, so I don't think yours are super pricey.  They do have cheaper ones, but the fabric wasn't nearly as nice, and they didn't fit as well.  We paid for the WP attire, so it wasn't a big deal to upgrade to the nicer brands.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

Definitely is regional, not surprisingly. We are paying about 150.00 each through men's wearhouse

LD1970

Ours was Men's Wearhouse & about $160 in northern NJ.

msuprincess04

Why not total the cost up between all the tuxes, including FIs, and divide by the number of guys? If you picked up some of it, in lieu of the free rental, then it would knock down the price for the guys.

fperez7542

She is not mad about the tux or the dress.  None of my other BMs know this but I even offered to pay for half her husband's tux or half of the total for both the dress and tux, which she declined.  She is saying that everything else is adding up, like engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor and bachelorette party, then gifts, etc.  I have said many many many times none of this is mandatory.  She even told me in all the weddings she has been in the BP was never responsible for so much.  I told my MOH and each individual BM so it didn't get lost in translation.  I am happy with the dress and you guys doing your own thing with hair and shoes.  Everything else is not expected. 

Even last night, my mom said she'll do she shower so the complaints stop and now they all are calling my mom offering to help, even the BM who said my wedding is becoming more expensive than her vacation (which of course made me feel bad.)   She doesn't want multiple activities for the bachelor party the MOH is planning because it should only be a night party.  We are all friends and love to do stuff together.  They travel to our state once or twice a month to come visit and we do the same. 

Then she is also mad the guys are not doing what she hoped they would for the bachelor.   Everything is a problem.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e9ec11-bec3-4964-ab9a-6dd64a1cd082Post:e36b6b32-e96b-467f-ba7a-7f3a6bd08ea5">Re: I give up...</a>:
[QUOTE]She is not mad about the tux or the dress.  None of my other BMs know this but I even offered to pay for half her husband's tux or half of the total for both the dress and tux, which she declined.  She is saying that everything else is adding up, like engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor and bachelorette party, then gifts, etc.  I have said many many many times none of this is mandatory.  She even told me in all the weddings she has been in the BP was never responsible for so much.  I told my MOH and each individual BM so it didn't get lost in translation.  I am happy with the dress and you guys doing your own thing with hair and shoes.  Everything else is not expected.  Even last night, my mom said she'll do she shower so the complaints stop and now they all are calling my mom offering to help, even the BM who said my wedding is becoming more expensive than her vacation (which of course made me feel bad.)   She doesn't want multiple activities for the bachelor party the MOH is planning because it should only be a night party.  We are all friends and love to do stuff together.  They travel to our state once or twice a month to come visit and we do the same.  Then she is also mad the guys are not doing what she hoped they would for the bachelor.   Everything is a problem.
Posted by fperez7542[/QUOTE]

Tell this BM that she doesn't have to pay for anything she doesn't want to, but to stop bringing up her complaints to you as you are not involved in the planning.

Babyboo30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-give-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e9ec11-bec3-4964-ab9a-6dd64a1cd082Post:39edc63e-327c-40f6-9e3a-a1ed2f08dff0">Re:I give up...</a>:
[QUOTE]This was the reason I asked about tuxes before because we didn't know what was a good deal. We did have a 40 discount FI got his free. I'll speak to FI about going back and checking other prices. No One has paid in full yet.
Posted by fperez7542[/QUOTE]

It really can depend on where you live in the country and what the competitor prices are, so don't worry too much about the price of tux's.  I bet if you check 10 stores in your area they will all be within $10-$20 of each other's prices.  I live in northern Wisconsin and I only have 4 decent-priced places to even CHOOSE from.  If ppl agree to be in your wedding they know it comes at a financial cost, and they could have always said no if that was an issue.  Good luck on the big day! :)

And tell your BM's that it's YOUR day, not theirs, and if you don't want certain things you shouldn't HAVE to have them/do them.  I don't understand how so many ppl make this day about themselves instead of the Bride and Groom, like it should be.  So far I haven't had to deal with this stuff, I wish you the best!