Trends Dictating Focus Away From.....

scorpio407

Hello everyone
Congratulations to all engaged or married! I don't post too often but am I the only one who has noticed this major change?
This will be my 2nd marriage, his 1st. I'm an older soon-to-be bride, been doing homework to make 'our day' special for our new blended family. The whole wedding process has totally changed since I first got married! I keep seeing that the main focus or 'trend' that seems to be top priority during this process which both of us decided not to follow.
Why does the primary focus on every wedding site seems to be all about 'pleasing' every need of our guests and away from 'us' the happy couple...who will be paying for everything so guests will enjoy & remember they had a blast? The happy couple are still the primary reason why guests are invited to SHARE in their celebration, not how much free liquor & fancy foods they will consume before, during & after the ceremony or enjoy a swanky celebrity styled venue with a huge band plus expect to take home elaborate party 'gifts'. I understand its about celebrating with the couple but this current trend is taking the spotlight off of the couple of needing to please their potential invited guests.
Too Old-Fashioned Ceremony?

MrsHoward2Be

I totally agree with you. We skipped alot of things that seem normal now. We wanted the day to be about us and have fun.

RanyattaCasey

I'm on the same page as you MrsHoward...we skipped a lot of the "traditional things" and just focused on what we wanted.  people that love you will come and support no matter what you have...If you want a cash bar then do...if you have a buffet then do it...if you have lime green dresses with lime green hair then so what....that's what you want and you should be able to have it.  A lot of my stuff for my wedding came off of Ebay and Vistaprint (70 for 17 holla if you hear me!!!!).  We just didnt want to go broke trying to please other people. My favors are a candy bar and I got all of my candy after Easter on sale for almost 90% off.Some candy was like $1.00 a bag.  No the candy isnt the color of the wedding and that's ok....you got some candy, you like snickers jelly beans and twix so hey its all good.  My theme is music and memories so for the programs I am using old 45 records. I found 200 of them on Ebay for $30.  I made the labels myself and called it a day.  I don't have a lot of flowers at my ceremony because I am not a flowers kinda girl.  SO my bridesmaids have bouquet clutches that I got for 11 dollars and the double as a gift for them.  I just did what I wanted and said buck the trend....Do what pleases you because at teh end of the day you will be the only one looking at those pictures 20 years from now. Your guests wont remembe the elaborate gifts or the huge band....It will be just you looking at the picture and hubby rubbing your feet while you reminisce about that great day!

zantster

My taste is already pretty traditional so I'm doing a lot of the usual stuff.  But that's because me and FI want to and can afford to not because of any trend.  My beef is with the whole idea that you have to get married in a barn on roller skates with a dog as your ring bearer to be considered having done your own thing.  If you're old-fashioned like me, then do old-fashioned.  If you want the mason jars and christmas lights then do that.  Do YOU.

But what irritates me the most is the whole thing of trying to have the shortest ceremony possible so people can party!  The sacredness of the ceremony in my church is the most important part. And yup you dang skippy it's gonna take more than 20 minutes.  The reception celebrates the ceremony not the other way around.

On the other hand, a bride and groom can go overboard in focusing just on themselves to the point of being darn right selfish. I'm sorry but trying to have a wedding and reception on a Sunday between 6-midnight so you can save money is not thinking about the impact on working adults with kids.  Stuff like that is taking it too far to me.

LeciaB

I agree with zantster alot of what I have is tradition but I do like mixing in some of the new stuff.. but I agree we should get back to the things that are important to the bride adn groom...
side note.. i feel you ranyatta on that vistaprint..lol

tirathemrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_trends-dictating-focus-away-from?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:0eab6cf6-5116-47fd-84cf-e7a5f18325dfPost:b85fc3f1-0c56-434a-8331-620a3642bd79">Re: Trends Dictating Focus Away From.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm on the same page as you MrsHoward...we skipped a lot of the "traditional things" and just focused on what we wanted.  people that love you will come and support no matter what you have...If you want a cash bar then do...if you have a buffet then do it...if you have lime green dresses with lime green hair then so what....that's what you want and you should be able to have it.  A lot of my stuff for my wedding came off of Ebay and Vistaprint (70 for 17 holla if you hear me!!!!).  We just didnt want to go broke trying to please other people. My favors are a candy bar and I got all of my candy after Easter on sale for almost 90% off.Some candy was like $1.00 a bag.  No the candy isnt the color of the wedding and that's ok....you got some candy, you like snickers jelly beans and twix so hey its all good.  My theme is music and memories so for the programs I am using old 45 records. I found 200 of them on Ebay for $30.  I made the labels myself and called it a day.  I don't have a lot of flowers at my ceremony because I am not a flowers kinda girl.  SO my bridesmaids have bouquet clutches that I got for 11 dollars and the double as a gift for them.  I just did what I wanted and said buck the trend....<strong>Do what pleases you because at teh end of the day you will be the only one looking at those pictures 20 years from now. Your guests wont remembe the elaborate gifts or the huge band....It will be just you looking at the picture and hubby rubbing your feet while you reminisce about that great day!</strong>
Posted by RanyattaCasey[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>ALL OF THIS....i love  this!!!! Words well spoken...

</div>

20pearls16

This was my second marriage and I could have cared less about the guest's needs. I wanted a classy budget friendly wedding. My only concern was that our children participated and felt comfotable. It turned out to be wonderful and the guests were very pleased. Keep the focus on you two because at the end of the day, when the wedding is over and all the glitz and glamour is gone, the ony thing that matters is that you two are together, married and happy. 

[Deleted User]

I see the point you're making (I think) - gonna try and play devil's advocate for a second.   A wedding can be had in a courthouse or in an elevator or in your living room.  The wedding is the thing that happens between you and he or you and she or you'se two.  lol.  That's a wedding.  The reception is what you choose to do to celebrate with your friends and family or whomever maw maw gets to invite too.  The reason it is not couple-centric is because it's

a.  not mandatory
b. a party to which you've specifically invited carefully selected guests and
c. (as weird as it sounds) a process that is completely unrelated to getting married.  don't misunderstand, it is a celebration of the wedding, but not pertinent to getting married.  in other words, that part specifically? isn't about couplehood/dom/ness, it's about celebrating with your crowd.   lemme put it a different way summore:  if you were hosting a reception to which all of your guests replied and none of them could come, not one? would you still go to the expense whatever it was of throwing the party? if so, why?

you don't have to throw an expensive party to get married, you just need to get married to get married.  i'm not saying all that to say I agree that the focus shouldn't be about the two of you I'm saying the part that was solely about the two of you happened already, with or without your guests and like it or not, the rest IS about celebrating with other people.  

scorpio407

Thanks ladies for your replies of also noticing this popular trend. I plan to show my appreciation to those who are invited by making sure we have delicious favorite foods from both our cultures served, a very interactive DJ with popular old & new dancing music as well as Caribbean steel pans along with offering a 'party(ing)' favor as our 'thank you'. My FI has generously agreed to pay for our entire very intimate wedding excluding my wedding & reception gowns. We both also agreed that yes, this is OUR day & totally makes no sense inviting long lost family from every state, every acquaintance that we or our families have encountered since birth which ends up treating the reception like THE GALA event of the century! It's not like we can't afford to be lavish & can easily spend $50,000+, it just makes no sense to 'impress' a bunch of distant relatives or strangers. Besides, we don't even personally know nor desire to know 300 people to imagine sending out that many invitations.. We are barely coming up with 20 very close family & friends to invite, no bridesmaids, groomsmen, ring bearer or flower girl (way too much drama). Even when I mention the 'minute size' of our wedding to potential vendors at various bridal shows, I immediately get treated different because vendors are only looking to make that huge paycheck on elaborate expensive weddings, typical photo booths, rare tropical flowers & peddling weird fancy 'fru-fru flower covered foods in 5 star hotel ballrooms! I keep reading from bridal 'experts' that this IS our day, do what WE want yet 'etiquette' dictates we can't do what we want based on Seasons, times, locations, etc. It's only our day when we pay to follow wedding society...NOT! Really looking forward to enjoying our 'unique' wedding day! Traditional