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African American Weddings

OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed

So as you all know I wrote a post about the break-off of our engagement. Seems that I spoke too soon. Maybe it was my hormones or something but I think I mistook everything that was said to me. Daniel came to me a couple days ago and asked me why I was so upset and why was I avoiding him. Well at this point he had packed a lot of his stuff and I was under the impression that he wanted to leave me and the kids behind. Well I guess I was mistaken. He says that its not that he doesn't want to marry me, but more that he didn't want the big wedding anymore. As I have said in previous posts my family is full of drama and was making the whole planning process just terrible to the point where we would fight. So since I last wrote he has re-proposed and wants to just elope in Vegas while were there since we already had our honeymoon booked. Now he wants me to pick out my chapel of choice and make it out wedding/honeymoon in Vegas. I love him you guys and I want things to work. As far as him moving back to Cali he wants us to make plans to move as a family and start fresh somewhere else. We have been together about 4 years now and have gone through lots of ups and downs and we are moving forward with counseling to better our relationship.I'm not being too hasty am I?

Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed

  • Girl if hes a good man to you and he loves you i say just elope in Vegas and enjoy life... i myself had to make alot of changes with the whole wedding plans but sometimes when you love someone you make those changes to make them happy and in turn you make the relationship a happier one....Do it honey...IMO

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:8464fc1b-df7d-4b0e-860f-3263f660f6af">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Girl if hes a good man to you and he loves you i say just elope in Vegas and enjoy life... i myself had to make alot of changes with the whole wedding plans but sometimes when you love someone you make those changes to make them happy and in turn you make the relationship a happier one....Do it honey...IMO
    Posted by misstira[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.  This is a reminder about how learning to communicate is ESSENTIAL in a relationship and why it is so important.  A misunderstanding can be vicious on the emotions and can be very damaging.   I am glad you two talked this out and can now move forward.  Go with y our instinct and your heart on this one.

    P.S.  Take away 1 vote for "No" to your poll.  I was too hasty and thought I was answering your "I'm not being too hasty am I?" question.  Sorry.



    Love is the ultimate superpower.   
    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



  • So happy for you girl....Let God bless this Holy Union! But what happens in Vegas wont be staying in Vegas because you will be carrying his last name back with you wherever you move!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:18e6708b-8963-4658-902f-7c5896ed1d4a">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]So happy for you girl....Let God bless this Holy Union! But what happens in Vegas wont be staying in Vegas because you will be carrying his last name back with you wherever you move!
    Posted by RanyattaCasey[/QUOTE]



    Sounds great! God is awesome!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Simply Fabulous!
  • Truly this is your decision alone... you should pray on it.. make sure everything is as you see it today and there are no misunderstandings.. I think everyone will agree.. we just want you happy.. not just for a day.. but for the rest of your life... and it has to be what's beat for you and your kiddies.. (the FAM). TOO bad you weren't coming July 12th.. just sayin
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  • Thanks ladies! It's a shame yall are more like family than my own
  • shaygray88shaygray88 member
    500 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:0a848bc2-5f81-486e-816c-22050e076d17">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Truly this is your decision alone... you should pray on it.. make sure everything is as you see it today and there are no misunderstandings.. I think everyone will agree.. we just want you happy.. not just for a day.. but for the rest of your life... and it has to be what's beat for you and your kiddies.. (the FAM). TOO bad you weren't coming July 12th.. just sayin
    Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

    I know!!!! We could have partied hard lol. We prayed together and cried and held each other. It was a beautiful moment:)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:0a848bc2-5f81-486e-816c-22050e076d17">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Truly this is your decision alone... you should pray on it.. make sure everything is as you see it today and there are no misunderstandings..

    I think everyone will agree.. we just want you happy.. not just for a day.. but for the rest of your life... and it has to be what's beat for you and your kiddies.. (the FAM).

    TOO bad you weren't coming July 12th.. just sayin
    Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]



    All of this! Definitely pray on it and make sure you're ,pmaking the best family decision. Be happy!
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  • Lol Mari for the I'm just saying..I'm coming to Vegas just for you boo ! Ha ! So let me say Shay..I'm so happy you guys could work this out and got a better understanding of what was going on and how he was feeling. You know men sometimes don't communicate well and when they don't we don't. Like Mari said this is an example of why getting better communication is a must and something to work on cause trust me and FI has had our share of misunderstandings during this wedding planning process. Thats why i asked was there no working it out ?! Glad things could be worked out. So what are your plans now ?
  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Can I ask something? Why were you under the impression it was called off?

    I think the ladies are right. If you are ok with getting married in Vegas then go for it! Remember your union is about both of your dreams though,  if Vegas and Cali are not sitting well with your sould , pray on it and complete the counseling before you make any final decisions.
    577906 10151197172303105 844768324 n Follow Me on Pinterest www.shoplovelivelearn.blogspot.com Anniversary
  • YES!!PLEEEEEEEEEASE!! If he's a good man to you and his qualms with the big wedding with the dramatic family are legitimate......yes! Rico and I are in the same area when it comes to plenty of ups and downs and moving forward with counseling......if you arent having doubts then try
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
  • This decision is ultimately up to you. At the end of the day you have to do what satisfies you. But to give my advice, GO FOR IT!!!!  It seems to me that you two just were communicating and there was totally a misunderstanding. And we all know men can never just say what they wanna say, they are terrible communicators lol.  Im so happy you two were able to talk things out and come to an understanding. You might as well get used to communicating, understanding one another, and making sacrifices to make things work cause those are very important elements of marriage.   I think we all just want to see you happy.
    Mrs. Mosley 2 be
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:5d615b98-af9b-4512-bb15-f7ee37b881dd">Re:OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lol Mari for the I'm just saying..I'm coming to Vegas just for you boo ! Ha ! So let me say Shay..I'm so happy you guys could work this out and got a better understanding of what was going on and how he was feeling. You know men sometimes don't communicate well and when they don't we don't. Like Mari said this is an example of why getting better communication is a must and something to work on cause trust me and FI has had our share of misunderstandings during this wedding planning process. Thats why i asked was there no working it out ?! Glad things could be worked out. So what are your plans now ?
    Posted by MrsBad13[/QUOTE]

    The plan is to get eloped in vegas. I gotta find something and quick.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:8cddc0ac-67c6-46ac-891a-5c882444fc1f">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I ask something? Why were you under the impression it was called off? I think the ladies are right. If you are ok with getting married in Vegas then go for it! Remember your union is about both of your dreams though,  if Vegas and Cali are not sitting well with your sould , pray on it and complete the counseling before you make any final decisions.
    Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

    I actually thought he had just had it with my family and with that was done with me. Well I'll admit I did kinda push him away when he went off about my family. He's right though...they are interfering with our happiness and I was trying to defend them in a way. Then he was saying he was sick of being in this state and he had to get out. Then started packing. I assumed it meant without me but he said beginning to pack was a message to me that we needed out and he expected me to read his mind so to speak...Men smh
  • You know I'm getting married at a Chapel in Vegas. There are soo many.. If you have any questions about that if I can help...I'm here.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:cbca385e-d6f1-41fd-aa41-ff669c1c2ccb">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know I'm getting married at a Chapel in Vegas. There are soo many.. If you have any questions about that if I can help...I'm here.
    Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

    Actually yes! I am so lost lol. I don't know where to begin. I just know we don't want to break the bank....
  • Well I thought initially that Vegas would cost less.. UMMM.... I was totally wrong... it totally depends on what you want.. I suggest you go to the Vegas board.. we're really helpful.. and nice.. REALLY.. VEGASGROOM(the moderator) has a link he has made with EVERYTHING.. where to start.. and reviews.. We are having our ceremony at the Chapel of the Flowers.. look it up.. it's beautiful
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  • I saw that one!!! It was the first one I wrote down lol. I lurk in that board but never really post guess im part of the group now:)
  • Yup.. if this is what you two decide.. you still needs to decide exactly WHAT you both want. Because I promise you.. the cost can get up there
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:08d43e54-0a1f-44ce-a609-ebc4e011b358">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yup.. if this is what you two decide.. you still needs to decide exactly WHAT you both want. Because I promise you.. the cost can get up there
    Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for the advice!!! I'm searching right now lol
  • Shaygray88, I'm so happy for you. After I read your post I was hurt for you. Follow your heart, family can tear you apart if you let them. You got your own family now. Learn from your past how not to be. Congratulations!!!
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  • Glad yall are working it out! Woohoo to Vegas! 
    145 Invited image
    65 Cannot wait to party! image
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    80 Looking for the mailbox image
  • Congrats shay!  Like PPs have said, if God is leading you in that direction then go ahead and do it.  While you're planning are both of you sure that there is absolutely no one else in your immediate family who you think would be happy for you and may even want to come and witness like a mother, auntie or father?  I just ask because my FH's cousin really hurt her mom and dad when she and her husband eloped to Vegas without telling them and giving them a choice to come and witness.  But only you two know the situation with your families.  So if you're not that close to anyone where you would regret not telling them privately and giving them that chance to be there or you don't think they could keep it on the low then it's all good.  At the end of the day it's about you and your FH and what you both feel is best for you.  I'm so happy things are working out and Jesus is truly making your crooked places straight!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:8c07b714-f7c7-458b-9d28-86c5551ee9c2">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Congrats shay!  Like PPs have said, if God is leading you in that direction then go ahead and do it.  While you're planning are both of you sure that there is absolutely no one else in your immediate family who you think would be happy for you and may even want to come and witness like a mother, auntie or father?  I just ask because my FH's cousin really hurt her mom and dad when she and her husband eloped to Vegas without telling them and giving them a choice to come and witness.  But only you two know the situation with your families.  So if you're not that close to anyone where you would regret not telling them privately and giving them that chance to be there or you don't think they could keep it on the low then it's all good.  At the end of the day it's about you and your FH and what you both feel is best for you.  I'm so happy things are working out and Jesus is truly making your crooked places straight!
    Posted by zantster[/QUOTE]

    Daniel's aunt will more than likely be there. My family isn't welcomed at all...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:6524b9ed-ad4b-438a-a56f-df93665ee11a">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed : Daniel's aunt will more than likely be there. My family isn't welcomed at all...
    Posted by shaygray88[/QUOTE]
    Wonderful.  It's nice that someone from one of your families will be there.  I am distant with quite a few members of my family, including my father as well so I completely understand.  My mom passed from cancer when I was 16.  So I have lots of "aunties" that have been wonderful who will be there and most of FI's family.  Again congrats.  Now it's time for both of you to get back to happy planning!  Don't forget to come back and post pictures with your smiling faces.
  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_ok-ladiessort-of-an-update-and-some-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:bdf1ccfb-c00d-48b9-ad50-e02adbf8a751Post:eefa487c-5fcb-4a14-8c61-6e4d5319de52">Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK ladies...sort of an update and some advice needed : I actually thought he had just had it with my family and with that was done with me. Well I'll admit I did kinda push him away when he went off about my family. He's right though...they are interfering with our happiness and I was trying to defend them in a way. Then he was saying he was sick of being in this state and he had to get out. Then started packing. I assumed it meant without me but he said beginning to pack was a message to me that we needed out and he expected me to read his mind so to speak...Men smh
    Posted by shaygray88[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Makes perfect sense. Go get married by Elvis :)

    </div>
    577906 10151197172303105 844768324 n Follow Me on Pinterest www.shoplovelivelearn.blogspot.com Anniversary
  • Thanks everyone. Counseling was pretty good today:)
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