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The NY-NJ dilemma

Fiancée and I are from NJ and really want a nice, intimate, down-to-earth wedding ceremony and small reception here in NJ. We feel strongly that with marriage now legal in my birthplace of NYC, we'd like to exercise our right to get legally married vs civil unioned.

Here's what we are weighing--just get married at NYC city hall (will take up 2 weekdays due to waiting period) and don't get dressed up in our fancy duds? Then have a ceremony and party back home during which i will wear the dress; she will wear the tux?

Or, pay a wedding officiant and perhaps photographer to do an "elopement" for just the 2 of us in Central Park? In that case we are torn about what to wear, as it means my butch would need tux rental twice. Central Park is a beautiful venue and we won't have to pay for it since its just the 2 of us doing it on the fly.

Those of you doing both--what kind of ceremony did you have at home? Did you hire an officiant even though legally you wouldn't need one if your legal marriage was conducted elsewhere? Or did you have a friend conduct the ceremony? How did you handle your vows since you were already legally married elsewhere or were to legally marry elsewhere afterwards?

Re: The NY-NJ dilemma

  • Really have no answer other than to do whatever feels right for the two of you.

    We live in PA but are getting married in Mass - also for the legal marriage.  However, we are doing a DW with our guests traveling for the ceremony and reception in Mass.  We aren't having a separate celebration when we return which was simply our choice since those we really wanted to be there to celebrate with us are able to travel for the wedding.

    Congratulations!

  • edited May 2013
    We just got married in Oregon on Saturday yay! We did Oregon's domestic partnership paperwork before our marriage. Then with the same officiant as we had with what we consider our real marriage with all the friends and family and poofy dresses we ran up with my grandparents and my wife's parents on Sunday and crossed in to Washington and had a quick ceremony in order to be in a marriage that will be recognized when DOMA falls. We were all so exhausted from the previous day that we ended up in casual clothes. It was awesome! It's pretty ridiculous we had to go through all that and we're still less married than heterosexual couples. So, find what feels right to you and fiancee. And the point about divorce the other poster made is a valid one too. For us we could easily move to Washington and commute into work if the unspeakable happened.
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