New Girl story! (I know you were waiting for one!)

baconsmom

Oh, this btch. 

OK, so, she hasn't been quite so bad with me. Apparently all the short answers and continual backing away from her finally sunk in, and she's been better. 

But. For the moment, the sopranos sit in two rows in the choir loft, one behind the other. I'm in the first row on the end, then GoodSoprano (a friend of mine), then New Girl, then a couple incidental sopranos. 

So we're all sitting down before Mass, and New Girl hands GoodSoprano a card. A handmade card. It's all pink and crafty and sht, and on the outside it says "Thinking of You", and on the inside New Girl has written, "I'd like to discuss the tension I feel between us."

! !!! WTF is that, yo.

GoodSoprano says, "Well, this is awkward. And a little passive-aggressive." To New Girl's face. (Which is why I love her.) 

New Girl's all, "I'm not a passive-aggressive person."

GS: "Um, but this *is* passive-aggressive. There isn't any tension. I don't know what you're talking about."

NG: "Oh, good. Can we be Facebook friends?!" 

Which GS couldn't think of a way to get out of, so she friended her. And then NG tried to friend the rest of us, which prompted me to wonder why there isn't a FB button for "Kill it with fire" or "Are you fcking kidding me? No. Never." when you get a friend request. 

GayH was all, "What do we say if she asks us why we didn't friend her?" and we decided on "I only friend people I'm friends with in real life." which should take a minute to come across as an insult, we figure. 

Good Lord, this woman. Take a hint. Not everyone in the world is going to be your friend, and lady, you're twice our age! (Well, OK, twice everyone else's age. I'm old. But she's in her mid-fifties, so she's old enough to be my mother, too.) You shouldn't want to be friends with us! 

zsazsa-stl

Your neighborhood inter-generational relationship advocate requests permission to slap you for that last paragraph.  Why shouldn't she want to be friends with you?  I understand if you just don't like her but age shouldn't have anything to do with it.  She grew up in a different era with different cultural references, but it's extremely limiting to say that you can't be friends with people who aren't just like you.  Had she just imigrated from Poland instead of from the 1950s would you be so quick to dismiss her?

The card makes me really sad for her.  She needs to be accepted and she needs it hard.  I'm sad that she is looking in the wrong place.  She should have known that a church choir is no place to make friends.

Wzz

i actually feel badly for her. it sounds like she's being bullied a little, if you ask me. no one has to like her, but treating her kindly shouldn't be a problem.

the note is not passive aggressive, it's just awkward. passive aggressive would be sending your goodsoprano flowers from a secret admirer or something like that.

baconsmom

If she had a single thing in common with us, Zsa, maybe I'd see where she was coming from. 

She doesn't. She came into the choir, didn't bother to get to know anyone, and tried to shove herself into a social dynamic she doesn't understand. We've been gentle, we've been polite, we've hinted and used body language and all the other markers of polite society. She hasn't gotten it, and has just made herself more and more annoying.

There are plenty of people in the choir who like her, who have things in common with her. Why doesn't she consider them friends and call it a day? Why be weird and passive-aggressive with people who would be perfectly friendly to you if you just backed off a little? 

baconsmom

WZZ, she's not being bullied. She's being ignored. Like most of the other people in the choir. There are a bunch of different groups, and everyone's *friendly*, but not everyone's *friends*. If she says "Hello", we say "hello". But if she gets two inches from my face and wants to tell me her life story, I quickly find something else to do. 

Whatever. I find her annoying as crap. I'll just tell the stories to my husband from now on. 

AuntFlo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_new-girl-story-i-know-you-were-waiting-for-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8f459010-ccdc-42d7-b361-fa4287b38362Post:918ddaaf-47a9-47e9-8295-39996dfa7783">Re: New Girl story! (I know you were waiting for one!)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Whatever. I find her annoying as crap. I'll just tell the stories to my husband from now on.</strong> 
Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]

<div>Noooooooo!  Don't do that!</div>

Wzz

i don't think you are using the term passive-aggressive correctly. passive aggressive tends to imply she's trying to get something out of you and your choir mates without asserting herself properly. she seems to have no problem asserting herself, she is just doing it in an annoying way.

Heffalump

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_new-girl-story-i-know-you-were-waiting-for-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:8f459010-ccdc-42d7-b361-fa4287b38362Post:7f6fafac-5c57-48a1-8bc1-af5fcdbf0c58">Re: New Girl story! (I know you were waiting for one!)</a>:
[QUOTE]If she had a single thing in common with us, Zsa, maybe I'd see where she was coming from.  She doesn't. She came into the choir, didn't bother to get to know anyone, and tried to shove herself into a social dynamic she doesn't understand. We've been gentle, we've been polite, we've hinted and used body language and all the other markers of polite society. She hasn't gotten it, and has just made herself more and more annoying. There are plenty of people in the choir who like her, who have things in common with her. Why doesn't she consider them friends and call it a day? Why be weird and passive-aggressive with people who would be perfectly friendly to you if you just backed off a little? 
Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]
Maybe I'm projecting because I work with someone like this, but I see where you're coming from.  Awkward people are the worst--it's like they try to force their way into an established group through brute force, rather than letting things happen organically.  And they're like cats--it's like they focus on the people who don't like them, instead of just going about their business.  It's uncomfortable.  Good luck with her.   

zsazsa-stl

I understand not likeing awkward people.  I suspect we are all awkward in one way or the other, we just rub the wrong way against certain kinds of awkward.  I just had to smack you for the age comment.  She wouldn't be friends with you at any age.

tawillers

I remember the post where you introduced her to us.  She seems very socially awkward (and the card makes her seem immature, IMO - if she thinks there's tension, why can't she say it out loud?).

I wouldn't want her breathing in my face during conversations, so I can understand why you keep your distance.  Add that to the way she pranced around and bragged about herself in the beginning, and no, I wouldn't be friending her either, IRL or on FB.

Wzz

i definitely wouldn't friend this person on FB. i get not wanting to be friends with someone who is irritating.

baconsmom

Obviously I'm late, but also, I do make the stories more entertaining for y'all. I'm a writer. I take a bit of fictional license - like making myself much more annoyed than I am after the fact. 

The other thing is that I feel like this awkward thing is just shtick - like she does it to be likeable, and then is just a drama queen underneath it all. Or a btch. There's something not-genuine about it, and I think that's why we've all recoiled so much. An awkward person can be kind of endearing - or at least easier to ignore. But she feels like she has an ulterior motive or something, some axe to grind, with people she doesn't even know. 

Hmmm....Now I want to start a new novel. 

**O-Face**

Baconsmom, that's kinda creepy if you feel like her motives are just shady.  I mean, there is a bit of "mean girls" attitude with the shunning, but if she's a faker, and not being authentic, that's just weird.

And yeah, we should take your retellings as about 99% truth and 1% embellishment for style. 

AuntFlo

Just like Hmo and the house hunting reviews.  C'mon, people.