Best man is maybe not best choice

Framay De Jonge 82

I feel like an idiot, coz it seems I have more problems then solutions. My fiance is a spur-of-the-moment guy where I am the one who plan ahead and would like to know as much as possible to ensure things goes smootly. So I ask my stepsister daughter to be my bridesmaid. She is now 17 and was willing. Most of my friends are married and I rather ask her than to explain why I ask girlfriend a and not b. Some of them do not even get along. So, my problem is. My fiance ask a friend to be his best man only now to realise that he would actually like to ask someone else. I even suggested he must have two best man so that he could ask his other option. He did not want to do that. I haven met the best man yet, but I feel it is the grooms choice and that he should feel comfortable with the guy next to him. I also suggested no bridemaid or bestman, it seems like he wanted to have a heart attack. We are getting married in sep but I would lke to at least met the best man before getting married. My fiance does know my bridesmaid, but it is family. Any advice? May

GoodLuckBear14

If he asked him to be his best man, he is stuck with him unless he wants to end the friendship.  When is your wedding?

vsgal

He gets to determine his wedding party no matter what relationship you have with them.  Just because you have not met his choice for BM doesn't mean it is a bad choice.

As far as replacing the man he has already asked, that is NOT ok.  It is a friendship ending move.  How would you feel if you were asked to be included and then told later that someone else was more appealing.  You would feel like crap.  He needs to keep his original choice.  He can have two best men.  That is fine.

HobokensFury

My best man was an a$$hole that isn't in our lives anymore. DH asked him too early and we were stuck with him. Lesson learned.

Framay De Jonge 82

Thnx guys, my thoughts too to rather have two best men. Wedding is due in sep, 14. Loveley spring wedding for I am in south-africa. I wud just like to at least met the guy, but there is still time. Fiance is working on a farm and only get one weekend a month off, so most of our friends come to visit us. We tried to meet as many friend as possible, since he used to live in a city, so most of his friends are from there. I being living in this town for 8 years so he had met most of them. I suggested several times to go for 2 bestman, he does not.. Luckily there is still time. And time will tell... Thnx again

Ro041

My FI asked a childhood friend after his parents repeatedly told him that he "had to" make the guy the best man, since they had known each other for 25 years.  

Then, a few months later, they had a huge blow up, and I kept reminding FI not to kick the guy out.  The guy finally said he wanted nothing to do with the wedding, so it worked out.  But, it was a friendship ending move.  

You are treading in dangerous waters, just make sure that you and he don't do something that will end his friendship with his friend.

Framay De Jonge 82

Just to be clear, it is not me who want to change the best man. I might misspell or mistype due to the fact that I am living in south-africa and are actually afrikaans. My fiance choose his best man, but like always being the-spur-of-the-moment guy he is, now afterwards HE realise that he would like to ask someone else. So I suggested several times to him, to ask the other guy as well, so on the end he will have 2 best men. I am just lucky to being living close to all my friends, and that he have met all of them. On the end of the day it is his choice to make who he ask and who not, bur being spur-of-the-moment guy I just want to stop him, from hurting others feelings by demoting the one best man and ask another Thnx for helping me. May