Wedding Reception Forum

Re: nn

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    I don't think its like this across the board, but my bridesmaids who were married and had dealt with BM drama like this were on top of the dress situation and ready to help out. My maids who were not married yet procrastinated and did not want to help out at all. Its just how it is. When its their turn to get married they will get it.

    For now, deal with the situation you've got the best you can. If you kick somebody out of your wedding, they might get their feelings so hurt that they stop speaking to you altogether. I suggest stop trying to get them involved in stuff they don't care about, and give them something else to do like plan a shower or the bachelorette party.

    If you want them to buy their dresses, find out what each girl can spend and come up with a figure from there and spend one weekend dress shopping together as a group. Tell them to save up their money so that on that weekend, they will be ready to place the order right then. When you find a dress, have them get measured and order the dresses that day. That way all the dresses will come in at the same time and be from the same dye lot.

    If the one bridesmaid insists she can't afford to be in your wedding, tell her to wear something nice in one of your theme colors and tell her that she can read a poem or a scripture in the wedding, or give her something else to do along those lines. That way she can still be involved and not have to pay for a dress.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_bridesmaids-love-em-or-leave-em?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5dc31896-e1e2-41d7-b998-0f2910a0e06cPost:f79731ad-5502-442f-ab76-81c438c73679">Re: Bridesmaids.. Love 'em or leave 'em?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaids.. Love 'em or leave 'em? : Did you ask each BM for her budget privately before you decided on a $150 dollar dress? You should have. You don't know and shouldn't judge your BMs financial situations and choices. How they spend their money is their business, and I'd guess many of them would rather save $20/paycheck to spend on an item other than a dress they will wear once. Since you are open to picking a new dress, this time you should ask everyone their budget and then pick a dress within the smallest budget. Otherwise you can pick a color, fabric, and length and let everyone pick their own dresses. Off the rack dresses, like from a department store, are cheaper than BM dresses from some place like Mori Lee.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
    This. My girls got their dresses at Macy's for about $60. <div>
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    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_bridesmaids-love-em-or-leave-em?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5dc31896-e1e2-41d7-b998-0f2910a0e06cPost:5fe9e612-b4d7-4657-9b75-6c09f220516e">Re: Bridesmaids.. Love 'em or leave 'em?</a>:
    [QUOTE]1. This is why you don't dress shop more than 4-6 months out.  Dresses get discontinued and it isn't fair to ask your friends to spend money on a dress that will hang in the closet for year, which may or may not actually fit them at the time of the wedding anyway. 2. You don't get to dictate a dress cost.  You ask each of them their budgets PRIVATELY, take the lowest number and use that as your budget, including room for alteration costs if they are needed. Your friends have done nothing wrong.  Apologize to each of them for being over enthusiastic, get a dress budget from them individually, then plan a shopping trip to start from scratch.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly this.  Also, you should have bridesmaids because you already asked your friends to do it, and you will really put those friendships at risk by kicking them out of your bridal party, even if you get rid of the entire bridal party.  </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_bridesmaids-love-em-or-leave-em?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5dc31896-e1e2-41d7-b998-0f2910a0e06cPost:6686f035-306b-4638-80a8-cbd6fe7190ae">Re: Bridesmaids.. Love 'em or leave 'em?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think its like this across the board, but my bridesmaids who were married and had dealt with BM drama like this were on top of the dress situation and ready to help out. My maids who were not married yet procrastinated and did not want to help out at all. Its just how it is. When its their turn to get married they will get it. For now, deal with the situation you've got the best you can. If you kick somebody out of your wedding, they might get their feelings so hurt that they stop speaking to you altogether. <strong>I suggest stop trying to get them involved in stuff they don't care about, and give them something else to do like plan a shower or the bachelorette party.</strong> If you want them to buy their dresses, find out what each girl can spend and come up with a figure from there and spend one weekend dress shopping together as a group. Tell them to save up their money so that on that weekend, they will be ready to place the order right then. When you find a dress, have them get measured and order the dresses that day. That way all the dresses will come in at the same time and be from the same dye lot. If the one bridesmaid insists she can't afford to be in your wedding, tell her to wear something nice in one of your theme colors and tell her that she can read a poem or a scripture in the wedding, or give her something else to do along those lines. That way she can still be involved and not have to pay for a dress.
    Posted by beautiflaw[/QUOTE]
    No, the bride should not be giving her bridesmaids things to do like plan a shower or the bachelorette party.  Also, dye lots are crap. 



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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_bridesmaids-love-em-or-leave-em?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5dc31896-e1e2-41d7-b998-0f2910a0e06cPost:c8eed670-9be0-485d-8651-2e63320fb9aa">Bridesmaids.. Love 'em or leave 'em?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dear Anyone who can help, I can't help but worry if I am being an unreasonable Bride and most of all, friend... I became engaged last April and asked my girls to be my bridesmiads shortly thereafter. They have had 12 months to save up the $150.00 that the dress I chose costs. Not a single one of them have even went to have their measurments taken. Now the dress has been discontinued. Now I'm in the process of finding another dress. Our wedding is 4 months away now and even my maid of honor hasn't gotten her dress.. One girl has just now said she "Can't afford a dress" and asked if I would be able to pay for it and she will pay me back.. I'm wrestling with the idea that none of my girls have taken this seriously or care enough to save 20 bucks a pay check and be able to get their dress... Should I pay for all of their dresses? Should I even have bridesmaids? Thinking this way makes me sad but I have had a stress free, glorious wedding planning all accept for the bridesmaids... Sincerely, Needs help.
    Posted by Mandy Elizabeth[/QUOTE]


    It might not be that they don't care enough to save the money, they may simply not be able to at this point in time for whatever reason.

    Also...and many others have said this in previous posts...no one ever gets as excited about your wedding as your are. No one. Don't take their procrastination personally. Only kick them out of the bridal party if you are prepared to lose them as your friends.

     

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    If you're willing to lose a friendship over a peice of material, kick them all out.  Sounds like the stress they're causing now overpowers all the love and support they've ever provided you in the past.  How dare them?!

    If you "require" they all wear the same dress and you're set on one outside of their budget, you will have to foot the bill.  You didn't ask these girls to stand by your side because they are wealthy, don't ask them to step down because they are on a tight budget.
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
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    for them to be good Bms you need to be a good bride. you need to take their situations into consideration before you make them buy a dress. remember the extent of BMs responsibilites are jsut to stand there and watch you get married. they dont have to buy a matching dress=and you need to be sensitive to their financial sitautions by ASKING WHAT THEY CAN AFFORD.

    that being said-even if you ask them they still might jerk out on it. it happens.

    how old are all of you?  have any of these girls been married/in a wedding before?

     

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