Guest list going over venue limit - now may have to put dancefloor outside?!

Bruzzeseangel

My fiance and I both come from very large Italian families. However, I also imagined a smaller (for us Italians) wedding. When looking at venues with my parents I had to say no to a LOT of places because they wouldn't hold over 200 people (yes, under 200 people is considered small to my family) that wasn't a hotel because I REALLY didn't want to go that route. Finally, we found a beautiful venue that maxxed out at 225. My parents agreed to cut their guest list, I decided that only close friends would be invited, and my fiance's family would also have to narrow down their list. We are now at an invite list of 275 adults and 30 kids. Yes, 305 guest list. 45 of those are my fiancé and I’s guests, 95 are my fiance’s family, which means 165 are from my parents. I’ve fought tooth and nail with my family to try and cut their list (even considered having to cut down MY list) but they are not budging. So much so that my save the dates have already gone out to their family. I’ve discussed cutting kids and that’s not an option. I tried discussing cutting the list but clearly now that the Save the Dates are out that can’t work. I’m SO frustrated. And now, my venue is telling is that they meant it when they said 225 was their capacity. MAYBE they could fit another table or two (bringing the total to 241) but that it would probably crowd the seating. The other suggestion was to rent a tent and dance floor and put it outside to create space inside for seating and then dancing would be outside. I just don’t know what to do. Won’t this completely break up the flow of the wedding? I’m just not sure what else we can do… this has been such an argument for 4 months that I’ve threatened multiple times to just get up and elope. Which is not really what I want at all… any advice is MUCH appreciated!

monkeysip

Oi.... who's paying for this wedding?  If just you and your FI, you should have given your families a set amount of people and put your foot down.  Period.

If one set or both sets of parents are paying... that's trickier, and you have my sympathies.  It's harder, but you still have to be able to put your foot down in some fashion, as your parents have to understand that your venue CANNOT fit more people.  Blame it on fire code, whatever. 

You could put the dance floor outside, but it would be inconvenient.  Would it be the end of the world?  No.  If you can't get a new venue, and obviously, you've already sent out STDs, then I guess it's all you can do. 

Unless by some miracle only 225 RSVP yes, just do the tent outside.  Just expect not everyone to come out and watch your dance, or even dance themselves.  And try to provide some seating if possible outside.  People can wander between both areas.

ETA:  if you haven't already given single people a plus one, don't.  That may reduce the number by a few (and I mean TRULY single people)

Bruzzeseangel

Yes, my parents are footing most of the bill. So, of course I understand their guest list would be the largest. I guess I just didn't expect THIS large. Hoping something gives (either my parents, the RSVPs back, or the venue). However, I DID originally want a completely outdoor wedding. So, I guess the tent wouldn't be the worst possible scenario. Keep your fingers crossed everything works out! And if anyone knows any affordable tent vendors in Pittsburgh (especially one that might have a clear top tent!) send them my way

Hummingbird125

This is what happens when people don't know how to use the word NO. 

MyNameIsNot

It's time to find another venue.  Putting 240 tight inside and putting the dancing outside would be ok, but putting 60 guests outside for dinner is going to make a lot of people feel slighted.  

I know you said you didn't want a hotel, but now that you've invited these guests, seating them is more important than preferred venue.  

MayDay513

Agreeing with PP. That's a lot of people. I feel you on big families and wanting a smaller venue, but you've over invited by a lot.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_guest-list-going-over-venue-limit-now-may-have-to-put-dancefloor-outside?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:8486e841-a277-4566-879b-afcc15814c64Post:b2a72694-2e87-448d-a95e-189ba892407b">Re: Guest list going over venue limit - now may have to put dancefloor outside?!</a>:
[QUOTE]It's time to find another venue.  Putting 240 tight inside and putting the dancing outside would be ok, but putting 60 guests outside for dinner is going to make a lot of people feel slighted.   I know you said you didn't want a hotel, but now that you've invited these guests, seating them is more important than preferred venue.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]


The way I read it was that if they take the dance floor outside, they can fit the other 60 inside for dinner.  That way everyone can fit inside.  Like at my venue, we can either fit 80 and a dance floor, or 100 with no dance floor.

But pp can correct me if I'm wrong.  And if you can't comfortably fit 300 inside the actual room, then yeah, find a new venue!

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_guest-list-going-over-venue-limit-now-may-have-to-put-dancefloor-outside?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:8486e841-a277-4566-879b-afcc15814c64Post:f36838d2-330b-47d0-b78f-f5c4f8c88884">Re: Guest list going over venue limit - now may have to put dancefloor outside?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list going over venue limit - now may have to put dancefloor outside?! : The way I read it was that if they take the dance floor outside, they can fit the other 60 inside for dinner.  That way everyone can fit inside.  Like at my venue, we can either fit 80 and a dance floor, or 100 with no dance floor. But pp can correct me if I'm wrong.  And if you can't comfortably fit 300 inside the actual room, then yeah, find a new venue!
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

<div>You're probably right.  I think I misread.  If all 305 can fit outside, putting the dance floor outside makes sense.  I would probably do cocktail hour out there as well.  </div>

AddieCake

Yes, I think it will break up the flow of the wedding, but unless you want to change your venue, it doesn't look like you have any other options. 

I'm a little concerned that you said the venue is now telling you they meant it about their capacity. Of course they meant it! Did you think they were kidding when they first gave you the capacity limit?  I simply do not understand people who invite more than a venue can physically hold.  Have your parents every tried to pour 2 cups of water into a one-cup measuring cup? You really should not have allowed it to get this far. 

monkeysip

Lol... if anything, you think venues would estimate their capacity up, not down, in order to get more guests.

Sometimes when a venue says a number, it's like the ABSOLUTE most... with guests scraping elbows a little. 

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_guest-list-going-over-venue-limit-now-may-have-to-put-dancefloor-outside?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:8486e841-a277-4566-879b-afcc15814c64Post:9d7ef37b-3e17-4e5f-ae89-83c8aa250673">Guest list going over venue limit - now may have to put dancefloor outside?!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I both come from very large Italian families. However, I also imagined a smaller (for us Italians) wedding. When looking at venues with my parents I had to say no to a LOT of places because they wouldn't hold over 200 people (yes, under 200 people is considered small to my family) that wasn't a hotel because I REALLY didn't want to go that route. Finally, we found a beautiful venue that maxxed out at 225. My parents agreed to cut their guest list, I decided that only close friends would be invited, and my fiance's family would also have to narrow down their list. We are now a t an invite list of 275 adults and 30 kids. Yes, 305 guest list. 45 of those are my fiancé and I’s guests, 95 are my fiance’s family, which means 165 are from my parents. I’ve fought tooth and nail with my family to try and cut their list (even considered having to cut down MY list) but they are not budging. So much so that my save the dates have already gone out to their family. I’ve discussed cutting kids and that’s not an option.<strong> I tried discussing cutting the list but clearly now that the Save the Dates are out that can’t work.</strong> I’m SO frustrated. And now, my venue is telling is that they meant it when they said 225 was their capacity. MAYBE they could fit another table or two (bringing the total to 241) but that it would probably crowd the seating. The other suggestion was to rent a tent and dance floor and put it outside to create space inside for seating and then dancing would be outside. I just don’t know what to do. Won’t this completely break up the flow of the wedding? I’m just not sure what else we can do… this has been such an argument for 4 months that I’ve threatened multiple times to just get up and elope. Which is not really what I want at all… any advice is MUCH appreciated!
Posted by Bruzzeseangel[/QUOTE]

<div>Why would you'd send STDs to more people than your venue can handle??  That doesn't make any sense.</div>

NOLAbridealmost

You need a new venue. Period.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_guest-list-going-over-venue-limit-now-may-have-to-put-dancefloor-outside?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:8486e841-a277-4566-879b-afcc15814c64Post:f0ef5c72-f8db-4eca-9bae-e69fc8827236">Re: Guest list going over venue limit - now may have to put dancefloor outside?!</a>:
[QUOTE]You need a new venue. Period.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

**nodding head in agreement**

I think you should reconsider having your wedding in a hotel.  Your main priority is making sure that you can accomodate all of your guests.  Unfortunately you need to change your wedding vision to make this happen.

Bruzzeseangel

I appreciate everyone's responses. I thought I owed a response back to some of the questions so that I can be a bit more clear on what happened. Save the Dates were sent out (by my parents) to their guests. They had told me there was only 120 people TOTAL on their list and so I thought "If you want to address and send them that is a huge help for me". The day after the STDs were sent out they sent me their list and I realized that only adults were listed except immediate family. Once I started to investigate I realized that they were only counting adults. Not children. And they were leaving out people's dates (and we're talking live in boyfriends here). So their list was very quickly growing. My STDs to my friends and coworkers haven't gone out (except for my need to send out of towners), nor has my fiance's family because we aren't even sure what we can do about the enormous guest list my parents came up with.

I spoke with our coordinator at our venue and he said that they could fit more than 225 but we need to rent more tables/chairs/linens, etc. This is what I meant when they said that was their TRUE capacity. They could probably comfortably fit 235/240 but that the dance floor would start to shrink with that. And if we went over that, well, there goes our dance floor. So he came up with the idea of the tent outside.

After reading everyone's comments I realized that I needed to put my foot down. Called my parents and told them enough is enough and that kids had to be cut from the list. This might cause some out of towners to not come but THEY put themselves in that situation and I need to stop feeling guilty. That whole guilt part is easier said than done though.

As far as looking into other venues we have definitely considered it - however, we're 5 months out and it might be hard to find a place in our area that accomodates that many people at a reasonable price on short notice. And we REALLY don't want to have to push out the date.  I've also considered just having a destination wedding to scrap this whole stressful situation. It's just not what my fiance and I had imagined doing.

So, hope that I can take control of this situation and that my parents finally realize that this is my wedding and that there IS a limit to our venue. We have a plan to meet up and speak about it this weekend. Wish me luck!

[Deleted User]

Sounds like you're getting things under control. Good luck with everything, kind of sounds like you're going to need it.

Ella and Pedro

If your parents are not going to conceed that it be a no children wedding, I would do the dance floor and tent rental, if I was you.

Good luck!

Bruzzeseangel

Update - after speaking with my parents we have finally come to a no kids past immediate family rule (this means only nieces/nephews and they are all IN the wedding anyway). Talk about a sigh of relief! This now brings our guest list to a MUCH more manageable number. Thanks everyone for the advice - you definitely gave me the kick in the butt I needed to finally put my foot down!