Split Days...Ceremony & Reception

gribowjm · April 2013

So, my fiance and I are very laid back people, who are not extremely interested in all the details of the big day, and all the work that goes into it. It's just not that important to us. Currently, we are having discussions with my parents (who are paying a significant amount) over where to have the reception. We simply do not love the same place that they do, and vice versa. Unfortunately, certain people are not as willing to bend/compromise. We are very simple, and don't like being the center of attention. So, we have thought about having a private intimate ceremony, and then allowing my parents to throw whatever type of party/celebration they would like on a different day. Has anyone ever done this?! How did you tell family and friends they are not invited to the ceremony? Did you do the days back-to-back, or was the "reception' at a much later date? Do you feel like everyone was happy, and you had the wedding you always wanted?

kaos16 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_split-daysceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:a584cfeb-a58e-4293-990d-6b08cf0e8c82Post:f3b60695-e489-4d90-999f-b970cd0b1608">Split Days...Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]So, my fiance and I are very laid back people, who are not extremely interested in all the details of the big day, and all the work that goes into it. It's just not that important to us. Currently, we are having discussions with my parents (who are paying a significant amount) over where to have the reception. We simply do not love the same place that they do, and vice versa. Unfortunately, certain people are not as willing to bend/compromise. We are very simple, and don't like being the center of attention. So, we have thought about having a private intimate ceremony, and then allowing my parents to throw whatever type of party/celebration they would like on a different day. Has anyone ever done this?! How did you tell family and friends they are not invited to the ceremony? Did you do the days back-to-back, or was the "reception' at a much later date? Do you feel like everyone was happy, and you had the wedding you always wanted?
Posted by gribowjm[/QUOTE]

Hate to break it to you, but you will still be the center of attention at a big reception to celebrate your marriage. With that being said, it is acceptable to have a private ceremony, followed by a bigger reception. By private I mean immediate family or you, your fiance and a witness kinda deal.

The people who are dying to see you actually "get married" will still be annoyed even if they get invited to the reception after the fact. They'll likely get over. You and your fiance are adults, who make decisions that are best for your lives. Will you regret not having family and friends at your wedding? That is a question that only you can answer.

QueerFemme · April 2013

I agree with Kaos. you will still be the center of attention at the "reception", even if the guests don't get to attend the ceremony.

If you DO go with the plan of a private ceremony and party later, it will not be an actual "reception". So, I would skip things like the first dance, big white dress, garter/bouquet toss, etc. The "reception" is for you to thank and receive your guests after your ceremony. What you are talking about seems to be a party to celebrate your recent nuptials.

They will appear similar, but the party should be significantly more casual or scaled back from an actual wedding reception. From what I'm reading, it sounds like your parents aren't interested in casual/scaled back. So, that could be an issue.

artbyallie · April 2013

It sounds like they're contributing more than you and your groom are? If so, they get to pick the venue. You can, of course, decline their help and pay for your wedding yourself and make all the choices.