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Anniversary dance

Did any one do this at their reception?? Our dj recommended it and it sounds like a great idea. He said normally the couple gives the couple with the longest time married some sort of gift. I cannot think of anything that would suit our older guests, who would win. I know none of them drink, and they might live out of state so a restaurant gift card might be hard to do. Anyone have suggestions for the gift??

Re: Anniversary dance

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    You can give them your bouquet or other flowers.  I have personally never seen this and would not have wnated to interrupt the general dancing at our wedding to do it.  Also, you need to be sensitive to your guests that may be recently divorced or widowed--an anniversary dance could be really sad for them.
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    We did the anniversary dance instead of a bridal party dance. We LOVED it. First, it gave all the married couples a chance to get up to dance for one song and celebrate being married. Second, it was cute to watch the couples who had been together longer watching each other, wondering who was going to "out-marry" the other. And best of all, the couple who "won" was my husband's grandparents. It was one of my favorite dances for the night, even though we didn't dance for the majority of it, but instead got to enjoy watching everyone else.

    Our DJ had suggested giving the "winner" a bouquet. We posed for a picture instead.
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    I would not do this. It could make a newly divorced or single person feel really terrible.
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to Re:Anniversary dance:You can give them your bouquet or other flowers. nbsp;I have personally never seen this and would not have wnated to interrupt the general dancing at our wedding to do it. nbsp;Also, you need to be sensitive to your guests that may be recently divorced or widowedan anniversary dance could be really sad for them. Posted by jessicabessica Your last sentence is 100 percent correct. I would personally not do this. Divorce and being single is hard enough as it is. I know your intentions are good OP, but this is not always a happy thing for everyone.
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    I know what you're saying about divorced/widowed/single people, but I'd disagree--it's at a wedding reception, celebrating marriage. (I've been to weddings as a single person when there was an anniversary dance. It didn't make me feel bad, but everyone has their own sensitivities.) That's just my two cents though.

    One more thought if you wanted to do a gift: Another gift idea might be a pretty picture frame. It's generic enough that whoever "wins" can make use of it one way or another.
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    I find it less about offending "single people" than offending divorcees or widows/widowers. Both H's maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather lost their spouses in the last decade or so. They both had a blast at our wedding - but they also both commented on how much they wished their spouse could have been there. An anniversary dance would have been a serious slap in the face to them both (as they would have been the last two couples dancing). Anything that makes guests uncomfortable should be avoided. This, for me, is one of those things.
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    We did it at our wedding (but I didn't think of a gift) and it was nice. Many times husbands don't dance with their wives and it's one way to get them to do it. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. It was fun because we had several couples fighting it out towards the end. In this day and age of divorce, it was nice to see so many couples how had been together 30, 40 or even 50+ years. It was like a symbol that marriages can last.

    I respect the fact that this may be hard for single/divorced/widow guests, but the reality of it, if seeing people happy and in love is going to be hard for you? Why are you at the wedding? There are more events that go on through out the ceremony/reception that are going to remind them of their situation besides just the anniversary dance.

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    ZiggyZosZiggyZos member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_anniversary-dance-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:c0a93811-4e20-4da8-bb76-f2dba973d465Post:6da3b58c-001f-49f6-a237-0d8d8ac7888b">Re: Anniversary dance</a>:
    [QUOTE]We did it at our wedding (but I didn't think of a gift) and it was nice. Many times husbands don't dance with their wives and it's one way to get them to do it. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. It was fun because we had several couples fighting it out towards the end. In this day and age of divorce, it was nice to see so many couples how had been together 30, 40 or even 50+ years. It was like a symbol that marriages can last. I respect the fact that this may be hard for single/divorced/widow guests, but the reality of it, if seeing people happy and in love is going to be hard for you? Why are you at the wedding? There are more events that go on through out the ceremony/reception that are going to remind them of their situation besides just the anniversary dance.
    Posted by Erikan73[/QUOTE]



    Because what happens at the ceremony is about the love and happiness of the bride and groom.

    The anniversary dance is about the love and happiness of guests - who may have no control over the loss of their spouse.

    ETA: our ceremony clearly *did* remind H's grandparents of their spouses. Hence their commentary that they wish those spouses could have attended. I can only imagine the pain they would have felt watching people celebrate their own anniversaries (which is specifically what the anniversary dance does) knowing that they would never see, hold, touch, or dance with their beloved spouses of 50+ years again.
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    We do not have any recently widowed or divorced guests, in the past 5 years. I would definitely reconsider this if either of these events were to happen.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_anniversary-dance-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:c0a93811-4e20-4da8-bb76-f2dba973d465Post:9a0a6994-1311-4963-83aa-06db1144f642">Re: Anniversary dance</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anniversary dance : Because what happens at the ceremony is about the love and happiness of the bride and groom. The anniversary dance is about the love and happiness of guests - who may have no control over the loss of their spouse. ETA: our ceremony clearly *did* remind H's grandparents of their spouses. Hence their commentary that they wish those spouses could have attended. I can only imagine the pain they would have felt watching people celebrate their own anniversaries (which is specifically what the anniversary dance does) knowing that they would never see, hold, touch, or dance with their beloved spouses of 50+ years again.
    Posted by ZiggyZos[/QUOTE]

    I do see your point, when you have someone that immediate to you in that situation it is something to consider. Luckily we didn't have any that situation as we have no surviving grandparents and our parents & their siblings are still married. But our siblings are divorced and they didn't seem to mind, so I guess you have to make a judgement call based on your own guest list and situation.

    So is it a fun thing, yes? Should you take into consideration close relatives who may have lost their loved one recently? Yes
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    In addition to the above issues, as a guest, too many "special" dances that leave people out annoy me.  It's not fun to go to a wedding and have to sit out because you don't qualify for the dance, and it's even less fun when there are too many such dances.
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    I was at a wedding where this failed horribly. Somehow, the DJ forgot that he was doing the Anniversary Dance in the middle of it, so the people who'd been married 15 years or more ended up dancing several songs waiting for him to tell them to stop. 
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