Canada-Ontario

Stag & Doe etc...

Okay, so this idea is relatively new to me, out east these are not very popular but here, everyone seems to do them (although none of my close friends).  I personally find the idea of throwing a party to raise money for your wedding to be tacky - that said, I could really use some extra cash...

Can someone tell me more about what these are, how they work, and what might change my opinion??

Re: Stag & Doe etc...

  • I think they can be really helpful for people that find the expenses of a wedding overwhelming, and personally I enjoy going to Stag and Does - at least the early part.  After people start getting drunk around me I'm ready to go (not much a drinker myself).  I think it's fun for people to get together in the fun atmosphere, and the bride and groom get some money to spend on their wedding.
    As to how they work, you can have the traditional Stage and Doe or you can do something unique to you.  The general Stag and Do has your hall, your alcohol (where you make most of your money) and games that people play, such as toonie toss (you have to throw your toonie as close to a bottle of rum or vodka as you can, and the  closest toonie wins), or my personal favourite, tying a balloon to people's leg, and that last person that has their balloon still intact at the end wins.   There are also door prizes.
    The attypical Stag and Doe, which I always like, is a unique theme.  For example, my friend is doing a "Hollywood" stag, where people dress up as a celebrity and the best costume wins. 
    There are some people who do BBQ stag and does, where you basically invite everyone to someone's backyard or a park and you have games and people pay for the food (this one is usually more kid-friendly if you have a lot of friends with kids).
    My FI is the one deciding if we are doing a Stag and Doe.  I really don't care either way, and I'm out of the country so I won't have time to plan it.  But if he does do one, he is going to have a medieval faire Stag and Doe.  Sounds like fun!

  • edited March 2013

    Personally, I think they're tacky.  Have the wedding you can afford.  We could all use extra cash, you shouldn't try and get it from your guests. Save more, cut back on things you don't need, or find other ways to cut your costs.  Your guests are already going to travel to your wedding, buy you a nice wedding gift, etc.  You shouldn't expect more than that.

    if you do decide to have one, be careful who you invite. I was once invited to a S&D and went, and I wasn't invited to the wedding. I was insulted that i had funded an event I wasn't even considered important enough to be invited to.

  • But I've been to plenty of Stag and Does where I knew I wouldn't be invited to the wedding.  You can tell when the Facebook page lists 250+ guests invited to the Stag and Doe . . . But isn't it about going to a party and having a good time for a "good cause"?  When you go to the club, you have to pay a cover charge, and you are supporting a business - what's the difference between going there and going to what is essentially a unique "club" set up with people you know?  I wouldn't mind having a so-called Stag and Doe that didn't even make money, just to throw a big party! 
    No offense, but I think people get insulted about things like this way too easily.  Do you know how many showers I have gone to where I wasn't invited to the wedding?  Was it meant as an insult - no, and I was happy to at least be included in some part of the upcoming marriage. 

    [Deleted User]
  • I went to a few Stag & Does for cousins when I was a teenager and didn't really understand what they were. I thought it was just another wedding related "party".
    Now that I know they are basically fundraisers for the wedding, I feel like they are tacky. I am in the camp that you should have the wedding you can afford. If you can't afford it yet, then wait. But asking your friends and family to help pay for it, then actually attend (with all the money that costs), it gets to be too much and I would never want to ask for a hand out like that. I mean, the whole point of hosting a reception is to thank your guests for attending. Seems kind of silly to, in a way, get them to pay for their own thank you gift. Why not just sell tickets at the door of the reception?
  • To answer your poll question, Bibbleskip:

    It depends on what is common in your circle of family and friends. Do what you feel comfortable doing and what is common. 

    For example, in my circle of family and close friends, there's simply the bridal shower and the bachelorette.  Stag and Does are unheard of because it's usually the parents of the bride and groom who pay for the wedding and it's considered impolite to have other people contribute financially towards the payment of the wedding.  However, with some of my husband's family and friends, it's common to have stag and does as well as cash bars. 

    My only advice to you is that if you decide to hold one and it isn't common amongst your friends and family, don't be too surprised if some people aren't so gung ho about it.  Otherwise, it's all up to you! ;)
  • Stag and Does are tacky because it's tacky to ask people for money.  It's even tackier when you're asking somebody to pay for something you're not even inviting them to.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm not a fan, but I've also heard that new liquor regulations make it really hard to actually make money. Do your research!

     

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  • naomikbnaomikb member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited April 2013
    I think if you're going to have a wedding you should be able to pay for it.  You should not ask your friends to pay for it.  "Wedding" and "fundraise" should never be in the same sentence.

    Grown ups don't ask their friends and family to pay for their party.
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't take offense to them (hey, you don't have to go if you don't like it), I see them as a night out.

    Most that I have been to cost $10 to get in, which includes a meal. Alcohol and games are extra. Most have included a dance later in the evening. Pop/water are free. 

    If you went out to a bar, a plate of nachos would cost you more than $10. Many bars and clubs charge cover without giving you food. Drinks at a S&D are cheaper than at a bar. Games at a S&D are a couple bucks- cheaper than if you played games at a fair or carnival. 

    I've been to a couple and haven't spent more than $20-30. You don't have to play games or buy alcohol if you don't want to. It's a night out with friends. 

    One of my friends planned her S&D as a Halloween party (with costumes). In our group of friends, we would go out to a bar dressed up to dance for the past few years paying cover and for drinks- I don't see how it's any different. 

    Likewise, I don't see how a S&D is worse than inviting guests to a shower where the point of said shower is to get gifts. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_stag-doe-etc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:613Discussion:7744bd23-e98c-4251-8f5d-1d00d2a4ac2aPost:38e64bf0-82de-44d7-b1ae-f895b9f3975e">Re: Stag & Doe etc...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't take offense to them (hey, you don't have to go if you don't like it), I see them as a night out. Most that I have been to cost $10 to get in, which includes a meal. Alcohol and games are extra. Most have included a dance later in the evening. Pop/water are free.  If you went out to a bar, a plate of nachos would cost you more than $10. Many bars and clubs charge cover without giving you food. Drinks at a S&D are cheaper than at a bar. Games at a S&D are a couple bucks- cheaper than if you played games at a fair or carnival.  I've been to a couple and haven't spent more than $20-30. You don't have to play games or buy alcohol if you don't want to. It's a night out with friends.  One of my friends planned her S&D as a Halloween party (with costumes). In our group of friends, we would go out to a bar dressed up to dance for the past few years paying cover and for drinks- I don't see how it's any different.  Likewise, I don't see how a S&D is worse than inviting guests to a shower where the point of said shower is to get gifts. 
    Posted by SP29[/QUOTE]

    I agree with pretty much everything you said.  I just see them as a really good time!  I also like the idea of a Halloween party - cool!

    [Deleted User]
  • A lot of my friends have held stag and does over the years. It is common in our circle but in my fiance's circle it is not. If you do decide to hold a stag and doe here are a few suggestions that have come up in my past that may help you.

    1.  Keep your drinks to the basics. premium beers have premium prices so keep the premium selection to a minimum
    2. Legions have typically been used by our groups of friends. Downside is many legions are somewhat dated. plus side - everything you need is there for the most part.
    3. Fun(draiser) games: pie toss - people pay x amount per whipped cream pie to toss from a set line. crown and anchor (check locally as many places do not allow this anymore). twoonie toss for liquor.
    4. The 'jail'. we once had a themed buck and doe where a handy person had made a rather portable jail out of two by fours. for 2 dollars - a person could select anyone for the warden (which was me) to put that person in jail. The jail became a sort of odd go go cage at one point as it had the entire grooms side in dancing and moving the jail towards the food stations
    5. clinko
    6. ping pong races
    7. putters palace

    there are also items you can buy tickets for to try and win (such as door prizes). A friend of mine has had friends and family donate from local buisness gift certificates (home depot, hair salons, restaurants).

    hope this helps if you do decide to do it.
  • Majelin86Majelin86 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2013

    We had a stag & doe in June. We rented the hall, got the liquor license, booze, some raffle prizes, prize for the toonie toss, etc. Our wedding party 'worked' the night, they took the tickets at the door, worked the game stations (we only had a couple) and were our bartenders (had to have people with SmartServe). My brother also offered to DJ, so that saved us a lot of money! We were going to order pizza for the 'late night lunch' but my aunt, my parents and my fiancés parents all offered to make food for it, so we had pulled pork, chili, and had chips on the tables (we bought the food, they cooked it).

    Be careful because the regulations are tighter now. At one stag & doe, an inspector came in (nobody knew he was an inspector) and asked to buy a ticket (which technically you are not allowed to sell them at the door) and the bride & groom got fined.

    Ours went fine, nothing like that happened but you just have to be very careful. You have to have a guest list now too, so we just wrote down the people we knew were coming, and then had people write their names on it as they came in. We also put up signs for cab companies, and put up signs saying 'you must answer a skill testing question to claim your prize' (we didn't actually ask any, but they were just in case an inspector came by).

    Stag & does are the norm where I live, so people don't bat an eye when they hear you're having one. Most people are very supportive, we had a good turnout and our family & wedding party were SO awesome to help us out! We made a some extra cash to help us out with the wedding too which is so great!

     

    EDITED to add: A great 'game' we did was "the Penalty Box" where we cordoned off a very small corner of the room and people could pay $1/minute to put someone in the penalty box. We had one of the guys in the wedding party be the referee. There was no talking in the box, and at one point it was filled with about 6 guys crammed in there. It was pretty funny & was a big hit!

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