Florida-South Florida

Infidelity help

Hi all! I need some help. My fiance and i have been together for more than 6 years. And in that time hes cheated on me with a handful of girls that i KNOW about (because theyve told me). Last year i found out he cheated on me again and i wanted to break up completely and i didnt talk to him but we had a important family trip planned and im not the type to ruin important things for others so i went along. He proposed and i said yes. It was more of a reflex than an actual well thought out "yes i want to spend the rest of my life with this man". But i felt like "maybe things have changed". Broken record i know but i went along. About 8 months or so into planning the wedding i find out about another infidelity. I want to call off the wedding and i give him back his ring but he doesnt accept it. He cries and begs me to stay. Im at my wits end. I dont know what else to do. I think marriage counseling would b hugely beneficial but i dont know of any in my area or any one whose gone to one who could recommend one. Im not religious so i dont want a preacher or church to give me advice. If anyone knows of a counselor in palm beach county id really appreciate it. Another thing is my fiance doesnt believe it will help and is against therapy. :/ what to do??? :(

Re: Infidelity help

  • My honest opinion is to leave him now while you can.  I know you don't want to hear it.  When I was 21, I was engaged to someone...wildly in love with him and his young son.  Then one year into our engagement and he cheats on me with some chick.  Like for months.  I was truly hurt.  Broke up with him.  We stayed friends because of his kid.  

    Months after we broke up, he begged for us to get back together.  Saying he couldn't live without me and that he loves me with all his heart and how I am not no one else.  So we got back together.  I wanted to move slow because of the cheating.  Two years later, he cheated on me again.  I don't know or care if it was a one time thing or what.  All I knew is that I loved myself so much.  And I deserved to be loved and respected.  

    I am still friends with him and his son.  I dated a lot after him but I learned not to settle for second best.  I am now 33 and super happy.  My FI Ray is such an incredible man.  I know that leaving my ex was hte best decision I made since I have a much better life now.  

    I know I didn't give you the name of a therphist or anything you asked for.  I just wanted to share my story and tell you that you are worth so much more.

    Good Luck.
    SoFla September Siggy - Hair Inspiration imageimage
  • Not Worth it..You should really work on your self esteem. If this man really loved you as much as he says he does he would not keep cheating on you. Anyone can try to work things out after ONE slip up-afterall we are human. However, if there have been several as you say, it comes to the point where you have to have some pride and know that you deserve better.
    I have been through a divorce and it is the most painful thing you can go through besides a death or an illness. Stop putting on a show for your family and friends so they think you have a perfect relationship because in the end YOU are the only one that is going to keep going through the pain and embarrasment of having an unfaithful partner.
  • I don't think anybody deserves that lifestyle. i know it's easier said than done, but put yourself fitst when you think of what to do and most importantly you have to think of being married as the best thing that can happen to you. Will you the happiest you've ever been if you marry this man? I've been married for 8 years now and I consider myself very lucky when I say that I love him like the first day. You deserve the same!

  • Im sorry I dont have any therapist information to report to you, possibly because i dont think that would help.

    My suggestion is to run as fast as you can to escape this cheating man, its not worth the drama and hurt hes putting you through.. Its the same thing as if he was the type that beat on you and hurt you and still proclaimed his love for you would you still want to be with him?.  Id hope not, and with that being said getting married will only make a messy divorce later down the road. Sorry and i hope the posts help, you deserve sooo much more and a better relationship with yourself and someone that loves you enough to not want to cheat..

    Lilypie - H1jI

    Daisypath - MFL5

  • I know it is really hard to walk away from someone, but you really should get out now, before marriage and kids. You deserve better.
    Leaving will be hard. It will take you a long time to move on. 
    It will save you more years of dealing with his infidelity and heartbreak. 
    You will eventually find a wonderful guy that treats you how you deserve to be treated.   
    Life is not all fun in games and you need to do what is best for you for the long term.

    Marriage counseling probably wouldn’t help since it seems that he needs individual counseling to help him figure out why he does what he does – which has nothing to do with you.  If he treats you this way, he will treat any girl he is with this way.  Your FI needs to work on himself as an individual first then be in a relationship.

    I wish the best for you and your future.  We are here for you whenver you need to vent.

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