Just Engaged and Proposals

Frustrated already!


Re: Frustrated already!

  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:b2479805-b583-4033-a309-f044f96cf370">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have been engaged now for a month, initially I felt the same way you did...I was ready to jump in to planning our wedding... My FI doesn’t have a problem discussing the details of the wedding, looking at venues, participants of the wedding party, etc, but he doesn’t   want to set a date.   He too said, " let’s just enjoy being engaged."  I was confused but instead of getting upset at him, I asked him why he didn’t want to set a date and he told me to look at the obvious, financial obligations (his son just started college and my son will soon be in college).   He advised me to go ahead with the planning, but just on paper and when things have settled, we can then set a date and get everything into motion.   I am ok with that, I can discuss the details of the wedding with my FI and have the joy of planning our wedding with my mom, there is no stress in our relationship..nothing but love, peace, and happiness!
    Posted by TANYA309[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I only wanted some communication to see how financially we could afford a weding. I wasn't ready to set a date or anything. The storm has calmed and he is ready to talk about the financial part. Once we figure that out, he is ok with planning. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:c4654c28-2c47-456a-9d88-a51a7ea2771e">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't like categorizing anything as a "guy" or "girl" thing- for example, my fiance has been just as excited about planning every bit of the wedding as I have.   We've shared tasks- I'm making centerpieces and he's making out the DJ's playlist, etc.  Is he exceptionally involved?  Maybe.  Some people need time to ease into things.  Even in dating, my fiance and I took things slowly.  We took our time feeling things out.  We established our communication style.  If you two have been together this long, you know how he is, too, and need to take that into consideration.  It sounds like things are moving forward, and that's great.  The important thing is this is about both of you and the rest of your lives together- the rest is details. One more thing: please be careful about saying things like, "he's to 'manly' for counseling".  That places judgement on those who have been to counseling or consider therapy necessary.  It may not be for everyone, but to consider it beneath you?  When all of us don't know you, that may give an impression you don't want. 
    Posted by amaryann210[/QUOTE]

    <div>He does want to help plan the wedding. He just saw me jumping in and contacting vendors thinking I wanted to book the place - which was not what I was doing. It was a misunderstanding. I backed off & than he came around and said ok let's discuss the finances. I was only bugging him to do that because he is the realistic one & says ok we can do x, y, & z! Where I am the opposite, I want, want, want and don't care how I get it. He keeps me grounded, which was exactly what I was looking for him to do. </div><div>
    </div><div>The counseling thing came off the wrong way. I have done counseling and what not but it has not worked for me. I just feel that would be his response because I know how he is.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:85b4815c-fb0f-4b89-815b-d0c9106de213">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's not for everyone, but having a mediator can make a huge difference in a fight, or just help a person see something they can't see without a little help. Happy planning!
    Posted by versdirtyhippy[/QUOTE]

    <div>You are right that having a mediator can help, if it ever got that serious, than I would suggest that. FOr right now, we do pretty good resolving our issues. </div><div>
    </div><div>Thank you!</div>
  • It's hard, I know, especially as long as you two have been together, to not be super excited. I think that your FI at the very least should sit down and talk budget. You don't want to leave things until the last minute. As far as your bridesmaids go-they don't care. Other posters are right-no one cares as much as you do. I'm going through the same thing right now and i'm facing a reality check; a couple really like wedding stuff and want to talk, but most aren't going to care until they have to show up at the wedding rehersal.
    I get that your FI thinks that it's early, but talking budget isn't setting anything in stone-it's just setting ground rules. Do you know how long your engagement will be? If it's a year, you might need to start planning sooner than if it's 5 years.
    If it's coming up soon, and he's still unwilling to talk, you might want to re-evaluate the relationship.

    n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:1b4fd11a-7e93-4df5-98c1-9e690a0dc035">Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need to vent about this, sorry ladies!! My FI and I got engaged about 2 weeks ago. He is 36 & I am 28. We have been together for a little over 5 yrs, have a daughter together and my daughter from a previously relationship but he considers her his daughter, and we bought a house together. I know we just got engaged but we need to do a wedding on a budget. I keep asking my FI to sit down with me to talk about a budget and how much we can realistically save before we set a date. Everytime I bring the wedding subject up, he doesn't really want to talk about it. I try talking to his sister, who is in my wedding party, and basically tells me not to bug him. My sisters don't seem that interested in it either. It is sooooo frustrating!!! I have contacted vendors and caterers to get some idea of the cost and I tell him this but he simply replies " I am not ready to book anything yet" but that's not what I am trying to do either. I simply want to get some idea of pricing so we can figure out realistically how much we can save and spend on the wedding.  He tells me that we just got engaged and don't need to start planning yet, um HELLO!!!! Females get excited about being proposed to and want to start planning right away!!! I feel like handing the ring back and saying ask me again when you are seriously ready (I mean I guess I was putting the pressure on him to propose but still.) WE got into an argument about it last night and I basically told him that I wont talk about the wedding anymore until he is ready! So as of right now, my engagement is not as exciting as I thought!! Sorry ladies I needed to vent, it was killing me!
    Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]


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