Bridal Shower Frustration/Rant

sarilynnep

I am really excited for my best friend's shower (I am MOH and hostess of the shower) and want to throw something really nice for her. She lives in a small town where having a 'fancy' wedding is decorating a church basement or basketball court. Her family has repeatedly made fun of her for buying things for the wedding. She is paying for most things herself and as far as weddings costs go hers are as low as they get (her family friend is catering, her venues are dirt cheap, etc). But they get mad at things like having graphic designer make her invites (for just the cost of ink and paper!) instead of buying them from the dollar store. Yeah. Ridiculous.  

She is really worried her wedding won't look very nice since it is in this small town with few options. I think it will be beautiful but I know her tastes run a bit more toward elegant. So I wanted to throw a really nice bridal shower together for her. It's the only one she will have and I want it to be special. However, everything is being hijacked by her family! They already are doing all the food, they sent out the invites (which look like cheap birthday party invites), and picked out the place (church basement that I will now have a difficult time decorating). Basically I have looked forward to doing this for my friend since we were kids, and although I do appreciate their help, I want to make this a bit nicer. I'm afraid with them doing all this is going to look more like a cheap children's birthday party than a nice bridal shower. They put my name as the hostess (since I didn't get to do invites) but every time I tried and do something they are like "oh we already got that since it was on sale." 

How do I politely tell them to stop getting stuff and let me handle it? Part of me feels like saying- Cancel the ridiculous cake, I'm getting nice platters for the food whether you like it or not, and don't you dare buy any decorations. I won't but I know they are trying to help, but this is getting out of hand andI know my best friend is already upset at them hijacking part of her wedding and I don't want them to take over this too. Suggestions?

mookow86

Wow...that's really tough. Maybe just have an honest discussion with the family about what the bride wants and what type of shower you want to throw? Set clear boundaries on what they will plan and what you will plan? I don't know, that's a really sticky situation. I feel like maybe emphasizing that this is what the bride wants will help them back off.

LilyWater09

Agree - sticky situation.  I would suggest talking to your friend.  If she is on board with your ideas then have a family meeting.  Reach out in compassion to the mother/family and state you understand this is their little girl's wedding and have dreamed about planning all the details for years.  Then let them know that you have been best friends with her for years and have dreamed of planning her bridal shower.  Ask them to help you make your dream of this a reality.  Tell them politely that you feel that have taken over too much of this and you would really like to personalize this part of her bridal experience.  Explain to them your vision, how you plan to incorporate things they already did (because you do not want to seem unappreciative/totally rude), and how you want to take it to the next level with no additional cost to them (assuming this fact).  Tell them something to the effect that you would like to be the creative director of the show but still want them on board as crew to assist in your visions.  Them ask them if this is something they can do for their daughter and for you. 

Good Luck!