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Terrible... had to share.

bcbrown63bcbrown63
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

This thread on my month board has me fuming.  Especially HeatherC's post toward the bottom.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_mini-rsvp-vent_.0

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Re: Terrible... had to share.

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    So do not give +1's to adults living at home because they will not give their own gifts and piggy back on their parents gift.

     Good to know.


    ::shakes head::






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    triciaholden1987triciaholden1987
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    Wow, that made my afternoon entertaining.
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    bcbrown63bcbrown63
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    I just honestly cannot wrap my head around some peoples' logic.  In what "circle" would that be okay??
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    MuppetFanMuppetFan member
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    wow she sucks. But, I love your siggy photo. That's awesome!
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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    bcbrown63bcbrown63
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:e64ac66e-a50a-49f6-8489-34fd9c2ca7dd">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]wow she sucks. But, I love your siggy photo. That's awesome!
    Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

    Thanks!  I like yours, too.  I can't NOT read it out loud.
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    TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
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    well, in defense of heatherC, i think what she was getting as is that if you're adult enough to be in a "real" relationship that deserves a plus one, then you're adult enough to buy your own gift. Given how tacky the OPs friends were in asking if their daughter could bring a friend, I think the point is that these don't seem like mature guests.
    IMHO, dating a month doesn't qualift someone as your significant other. I am closer to the living together/engaged/etc threshhold. But, that's just me, and friends who've asked to bring someone I've generally said yes to.

    Again, in OP's case, had they young man called the bride directly, I would think he was mature and in a more serious relationship.
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    bcbrown63bcbrown63
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:1a7e8610-f750-4d9f-8e92-e36afa3c7860">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, in defense of heatherC, i think what she was getting as is that if you're adult enough to be in a "real" relationship that deserves a plus one, then you're adult enough to buy your own gift. Given how tacky the OPs friends were in asking if their daughter could bring a friend, I think the point is that these don't seem like mature guests. IMHO, dating a month doesn't qualift someone as your significant other. I am closer to the living together/engaged/etc threshhold. But, that's just me, and friends who've asked to bring someone I've generally said yes to. Again, in OP's case, had they young man called the bride directly, I would think he was mature and in a more serious relationship.
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    You cannot decide what is a real relationship and what is not. 
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    TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
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    Actually, if it's my wedding, I do. This isn't my problem, and I did invite most adults w/ guests, becasue we can afford to have 200+ people. If we couldn't, I certainly wouldn't have 24-year-old friend of the family bring a brand new girlfriend over inviting someone meaningful to me. And if 24 yo didn't like it, I'd just cut him and invite one more good friend.

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:1a7e8610-f750-4d9f-8e92-e36afa3c7860">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, in defense of heatherC, <strong>i think what she was getting as is that if you're adult enough to be in a "real" relationship that deserves a plus one, then you're adult enough to buy your own gift.</strong> Given how tacky the OPs friends were in asking if their daughter could bring a friend, I think the point is that these don't seem like mature guests. IMHO, dating a month doesn't qualift someone as your significant other. I am closer to the living together/engaged/etc threshhold. But, that's just me, and friends who've asked to bring someone I've generally said yes to. Again, in OP's case, had they young man called the bride directly, I would think he was mature and in a more serious relationship.
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>They are separate issues though.</div><div>
    </div><div>An adult in a relationship should get a date.  We can argue all day what serious means.</div><div>
    </div><div>Now I agree that an adult should buy their own gift.  However gifts are NEVER to be expected. </div><div>
    </div><div> So to deny someone a plus one because you *think* they will not bring a gift is wrong.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:1a7e8610-f750-4d9f-8e92-e36afa3c7860">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, in defense of heatherC, i think what she was getting as is that <strong>if you're adult enough to be in a "real" relationship that deserves a plus one, then you're adult enough to buy your own gift.</strong> Given how tacky the OPs friends were in asking if their daughter could bring a friend, I think the point is that these don't seem like mature guests. IMHO, dating a month doesn't qualift someone as your significant other. I am closer to the living together/engaged/etc threshhold. But, that's just me, and friends who've asked to bring someone I've generally said yes to. Again, in OP's case, had they young man called the bride directly, I would think he was mature and in a more serious relationship.
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>There's no proof he wouldn't have brought his own gift. Also, he wasn't even given the courtesy of receiving his own invitation and that's entirely on the bride.</div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
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    TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
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    Lyn, I don't think anyone would argue any of these points. I agree.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I didn't even understand the point about the gift. How does she know people won't bring their own gift?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Belle2188Belle2188 member
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    I don't usually post here (or much at all for that matter), but this kind of nonsense makes me violently angry.  Not that I need to tell you guys this, but any adult in any kind of relationship should be invited with their SO no matter how long they have been together.  Not to mention, adults should be sent their own invitations.  I tend to think that unless they're really slow, anyone who received their own invitation would bring their own gift...
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Maybe the parents of the 24 year old took it upon themselves to call up said bride to ask if he can bring his GF and if their daughter can bring a friend without the push from their kids.  Who is to say that the 24 year old ran crying to Mom because his GF wasn't invited.  Heck, he may not even known about the invitation when his Mom called up complaining.

    IMO, everyone involved has been rude in some way. 

    The bride and groom should have sent separate invites to all the adults, meaning the 24 year old, the 19 year old and the parents all should have gotten their own invites. 

    The bride and groom should have also invited the 24 year olds SO because if he considers himself in a relationship then no one can judge the seriousness of the except for the people in said relationship. 

    The parents of the adult children should not have asked about their 19 year old bringing a friend because that is rude.

    The parents should stop nagging the brides parents about who and who is not invited.  If you don't like who was invited (or not invited) then decline the invitation.

    The bride should make assumptions in regards to gifts based on the fact that the 24 year old still lives with his parents.  If she actually treated him like an adult by giving him his own invite then he may just surprise her and act like an adult and bring his own gift if he so chooses to give one.

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    bcbrown63bcbrown63
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    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:6f1ed42d-8606-45d9-98e8-df3015f91645">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't usually post here (or much at all for that matter), but this kind of nonsense makes me violently angry.  Not that I need to tell you guys this, but any adult in any kind of relationship should be invited with their SO no matter how long they have been together .   Not to mention, adults should be sent their own invitations.  I tend to think that unless they're really slow, anyone who received their own invitation would bring their own gift...
    Posted by Belle2188[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Me, too.  And the whole, 'it's MY wedding, I can decide what constitutes a real relationship and what doesn't" just makes me sad.  Honestly, if I were invited without my FI, who I moved in with after a month (we've now been dating for over 7 years), I would no longer be friends with that person.</div><div>
    </div><div>And on another note, if you want to continue to have those friends after your wedding, you will treat your guests like such, not like a walking purse.  "You" being Heather in the linked post.

    </div>
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    bcbrown63bcbrown63
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:cfc8190e-0969-44a3-bb90-df2ff1f1b1e7">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe the parents of the 24 year old took it upon themselves to call up said bride to ask if he can bring his GF and if their daughter can bring a friend without the push from their kids.  Who is to say that the 24 year old ran crying to Mom because his GF wasn't invited.  Heck, he may not even known about the invitation when his Mom called up complaining. IMO, everyone involved has been rude in some way.  The bride and groom should have sent separate invites to all the adults, meaning the 24 year old, the 19 year old and the parents all should have gotten their own invites.  The bride and groom should have also invited the 24 year olds SO because if he considers himself in a relationship then no one can judge the seriousness of the except for the people in said relationship.  The parents of the adult children should not have asked about their 19 year old bringing a friend because that is rude. The parents should stop nagging the brides parents about who and who is not invited.  If you don't like who was invited (or not invited) then decline the invitation. The bride should make assumptions in regards to gifts based on the fact that the 24 year old still lives with his parents.  If she actually treated him like an adult by giving him his own invite then he may just surprise her and act like an adult and bring his own gift if he so chooses to give one.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This exactly.  

    </div>
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    Belle2188Belle2188 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:bfb827bf-b5eb-401c-8bed-6c178b908c09">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Terrible... had to share. : Me, too.  And the whole, 'it's MY wedding, I can decide what constitutes a real relationship and what doesn't" just makes me sad.  Honestly, if I were invited without my FI, who I moved in with after a month (we've now been dating for over 7 years), I would no longer be friends with that person. And on another note, if you want to continue to have those friends after your wedding, you will treat your guests like such, not like a walking purse.  "You" being Heather in the linked post.
    Posted by bcbrown63[/QUOTE]
    <div>I cannot stand "it's MY wedding."  I had a friend say that to me recently as her reasoning for not inviting dates.  Lucky for her it was in a text message or my reflex might have been to slap her.  I like your stance on eliminating friendships, although I'd be running out of friends because it's embarrassing how many times I've been invited dateless :(</div>
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    Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    Poster and HeatherC were both incredibly rude! When I first read it, I assumed son and daughter were teenagers. At that point I would have thought their mom was the one being rude, but then to find out that these are both adults, and as someone who didn't move out until my later 20s, I'd be pissed if I was still being treated as a child just because I live in an expensive area and couldn't afford a place of my own. WOW wow wow! And the whole gift thing, what about friends who pull their money together to get something nice because individually they couldn't afford very much? Because these people were thoughtful enough to not only get you something, but something they knew you'd really appreciate, does that mean they don't get dates either since they didn't each buy their own thing? I'm sorry but that post just really struck all kinds of nerves with me. I'm going to go get me a Martini.
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    Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I still get irritated that some of my friends, particularly my friends from church still send my invites like I'm a single person! Just because my fi doesn't go to church with me doesn't make him any less my fiance. I think part of it is that before I met him, I was single more times than not with small time periods of being in relationships or dating very short term(I was the one to end the short term ones). But still, I wish people would treat me and my fiance with more respect, his friends who got engages either specifically invited me, or included me on my Fiance's invitation. :(
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    MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:c1f1c565-0fc3-4394-8cdf-da72df6377a3">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Terrible... had to share. : I cannot stand "it's MY wedding."  I had a friend say that to me recently as her reasoning for not inviting dates.  Lucky for her it was in a text message or my reflex might have been to slap her.  I like your stance on eliminating friendships, although I'd be running out of friends because it's embarrassing how many times I've been invited dateless :(
    Posted by Belle2188[/QUOTE]

    <img class="gif gifview" src="http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/2263041/veruca-salt-o.gif" alt="Veruca Salt" title="Veruca Salt" />
    <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckForumPage=ForumImage&plckPhotoId=18d8d43c-bf59-48a3-ad90-cc80b7cf8adb&plckRedirectUrl=http%3a%2f%2fforums.theknot.com%2fSites%2ftheknot%2fPages%2fMain.aspx%2fwedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share" title="Click to view a larger photo"> </a>
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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    Belle2188Belle2188 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:17e19c14-8740-48ec-8246-16a75519463a">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Terrible... had to share. :
    Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]
    Point taken.  Tantrum over!
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    Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Love it! That's totally what those posts remind me of!
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    MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    Aw. Point not taken.  Point was that  Veruca is the girl who says it's MY WEDDING, not you.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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    Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I got that! It was funny!
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    Belle2188Belle2188 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:60daf239-6fa8-4a4f-9e55-1d18e71638ba">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Aw. Point not taken.  Point was that  Veruca is the girl who says it's MY WEDDING, not you.
    Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]
    Hahaha, yeah, that would make more sense.  Don't mind me, I have mushy Friday brain, and this particular type of etiquette snafu makes me a little crazypants.
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    MuppetFanMuppetFan member
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    edited March 2013
    I think Belle misunderstood my "comment".

    I think this is indeed a suitable comment for a large quantity of posts. I will recycle when the time comes.

    GAH!!! My dog has been eating my minnie mouse shaped bride pen!

    ETA: I think Maggie just won the internet today.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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    FizzySipsFizzySips member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    B!tches be crazy!

    Seriously, who wants to be put in the position to judge someone else's relationship? All adults who are in a relationship get their person invited. Deal with it. Because really, I don't want anyone judging my relationship and how "serious" we are. Lay off. Sometimes one month is all you need. Just ask Khloe Kardashian.

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    TKzillaTKzilla member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I think the part I hated was that the bride used the fact that "he didn't tell her" he was dating someone until after the invites went out as an excuse.

    Because I know I ALWAYS call EVERYONE I KNOW as soon as start dating someone officially. Every time.
    image
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_terrible-had-to-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0229de9a-3ca0-4f30-a0bc-2c68bb1aa72cPost:db28a001-5658-48f5-9b98-96db9b2b5db6">Re: Terrible... had to share.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Actually, if it's my wedding, I do</strong>. This isn't my problem, and I did invite most adults w/ guests, becasue we can afford to have 200+ people. If we couldn't, I certainly wouldn't have 24-year-old friend of the family bring a brand new girlfriend over inviting someone meaningful to me. <strong>And if 24 yo didn't like it, I'd just cut him and invite one more good friend.</strong>
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    So because you're getting married, you're imbued with magical relationship judging skills?
    "My wedding!" "My BARBIE!!!!"
    Yes, it's your wedding. The CEREMONY is yours, yours and your FI's. The reception is a thank you for your guests.
    I just don't understand this mentality that just because you're getting married, like millions and millions of people have done before you, that you're so special that not only are you allowed to treat your guests like crap, but actually act like <em>you </em>were wronged when they're rightfully upset by it (and then propose B-listing).
    In this hypothetical situation where you can't host 200 guests, my question is, if you are not prepared to host each and every guest properly, by inviting their most important person (and by not making anyone into a second class citizen by sending them a B-list invite), then why on earth do you want to a host a wedding.
    Go elope on an island where you really are the only ones, vs being in a room full of people but still acting like you are the only one who matters.
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    Teddy917Teddy917 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I just want to say that I agree that you shouldn't judge how serious a relationship is. I knew a couple that got married a week after they met and they're still married years later. So to say a relationship isn't serious because they've only been dating a month or however long is ridiculous.
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