Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:5a2d68e8-ef1d-43df-9486-4d1b5ed4e79c">Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : I am trust me. She will not talk to me whatsoever and has completely shut down. I have been trying to get in contact and trying to be a friend. The bridal salon says that I can not add her to the order later on. That is my main concern. Also I thought these boards were to come to for advice? Which is weird because I feel like I am being attacked <strong>when everyone else in my wedding and around me says kick her out. </strong>
Posted by jenmcbride13[/QUOTE]

Seriously?  Kick her out?  Who are these terrible people around you?I don't even think you should be talking to her about wedding stuff right now.  Can you imagine how painful it would be when you just had to break up your engagement for someone to be pestering you about a wedding?   And to rub salt in the wound, your friend kicks you out of the bridal party?

Would it be the absolute end of the world if this friend had to get a different dress because she didn't order it in time?  Is a dress more important than treating this girl, who you are friends with enough to put in your bridal party, and who is going through a lot of pain right now, with a little compassion?

jenmcbride13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:4b4a7d94-5ab8-4437-af90-ef0471ff0ecd">Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....: I could be wrong, but this makes me think she only asked her to be a bridesmaid because she was the fiance of one of her friends.
Posted by misshart00[/QUO
<div>Yes</div>

jenmcbride13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:04caa2d3-7bd2-4ab0-a7f0-cb0179491f07">Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : Seriously?  Kick her out?  Who are these terrible people around you?I don't even think you should be talking to her about wedding stuff right now.  Can you imagine how painful it would be when you just had to break up your engagement for someone to be pestering you about a wedding?   And to rub salt in the wound, your friend kicks you out of the bridal party? Would it be the absolute end of the world if this friend had to get a different dress because she didn't order it in time?  Is a dress more important than treating this girl, who you are friends with enough to put in your bridal party, and who is going through a lot of pain right now, with a little compassion?
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]
These terrible people know the entire story. Also they know why she is in my wedding. I ordered the dresses and it has been taken care of. If she chooses not to be in my wedding it is a different story. 

KatWAG

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:6b22748b-9267-4755-80ed-593230875f46">Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....: I could be wrong, but this makes me think she only asked her to be a bridesmaid because she was the fiance of one of her friends. Posted by misshart00[/QUO <strong>Yes
</strong>Posted by jenmcbride13[/QUOTE]

Well that was your mistake. But you still need to treat her with some decency. Give her time to heal and stop trying to talk about your wedding.

Havent you ever been dumped?

jenmcbride13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:778a7179-de27-4eca-b5c7-3234937ccb92">Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : Well that was your mistake. But you still need to treat her with some decency. Give her time to heal and stop trying to talk about your wedding. Havent you ever been dumped?
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]
I have but she did the dumping for other prospects. 

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:f402d1f4-3405-489d-8e69-4f6bdc6098e1">Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : I have but she did the dumping for other prospects. 
Posted by jenmcbride13[/QUOTE]

<div>You don't get to judge her reasons.  Seriously.</div>

MsYeck

I also had an ex-fiancée who dumped me by moving to God knows where less than 3 months before the wedding. My BOTHERS wedding was 6 weeks after when mine was planned. After falling off the grid for 2 months, I was just BARELY able to fake happiness and that was for my BROTHER. I probably would have backed out for a casual friend. You need to chill out and give her some time to do whatever she needs to do. Also the suggestion of where the ex should live might have been a "test" to she if you intended on choosing sides. I tink you need some space from both parties.

artbyallie

Look, since she was only in your wedding because her ex-SO is your friend, she will more than likely drop out on her own. But if you so much as HINT at it, that makes YOU the bad guy. FOR. EV. ER.

So just back off and let her be for now. Your other bridesmaids can order their dresses now, if they're really that eager to have them hang in their closet for 6 months. I'm guessing you're ordering from David's Bridal or other chain? They'll tell you all day long your dress is getting discontinued or the dye lots or it'll take 3 months to come, blah blah blah... it's all BS. Four weeks, tops, and more likely 1-2. They just want the commission now.

jenmcbride13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:bb98b001-3e14-4fac-b581-9d3b057a9c79">Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Look, since she was only in your wedding because her ex-SO is your friend, she will more than likely drop out on her own. But if you so much as HINT at it, that makes YOU the bad guy. FOR. EV. ER. So just back off and let her be for now. Your other bridesmaids can order their dresses now, if they're really that eager to have them hang in their closet for 6 months. I'm guessing you're ordering from David's Bridal or other chain? They'll tell you all day long your dress is getting discontinued or the dye lots or it'll take 3 months to come, blah blah blah... it's all BS. Four weeks, tops, and more likely 1-2. They just want the commission now.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]<div>No it is from a local shop around here. My mom also works at a non chain bridal shop and they have the same policies... Yes she is only in my wedding for that reason bc she was the fiancee of a friend and asked to be in my wedding... and made it uncomfortable. Annnyway thank you everyone........

</div>

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:ea3758a5-c657-4ce0-96e5-adb0dacb5e28">Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : <strong>These terrible people know the entire story.</strong> Also they know why she is in my wedding. I ordered the dresses and it has been taken care of. If she chooses not to be in my wedding it is a different story. 
Posted by jenmcbride13[/QUOTE]

And we only know what you tell us. I'm assuming she didn't try to sleep with your FI, so take a few steps back and let your BM order the dress on her time. If she has it in time for the wedding, great. If not, oh well. Tell the salon to order the other dresses and don't take any of the dye-lot BS. It won't be noticable in pictures. She can get her dress rushed if she needs to and wants to be in your wedding. If she doesn't want to be in the wedding, let her step down by herself.

Ella and Pedro

I also had an ex-fiancée who dumped me by moving to God knows where less than 3 months before the wedding. My BOTHERS wedding was 6 weeks after when mine was planned. After falling off the grid for 2 months, I was just BARELY able to fake happiness and that was for my BROTHER. I probably would have backed out for a casual friend. You need to chill out and give her some time to do whatever she needs to do.  (From Ms.Yeck)

I was going to tell you a slightly different story.  Twice in my life before this engagement, I have been engaged. 

The first time I was engaged I was 23, and it was to a man somewhat younger (21).  Halfway between our engagement day and what was to be our wedding day, it became apparent he had developed mental illness (something that does tend to come to light for many people when they transition from teenage to adult years.)  In retrospect, he was seriously ill, but during the time, we (his parents, his family, myself, everyone who knew him) did not understand what he was doing and why he was behaving the way he was, and I myself chalked it up to wedding jitters and stress over other stuff, but that he could manage it....anyway, he hung himself (a few weeks before the wedding).  It took me a long time to feel ok to date/fall in love again, and when this all went down, it was really hard on me psychologically also.  I ended up loosing my job over this, because of my depression and missing work. I then also ended up (nothing to do with this) having to move because my building was being converted into condos.  So, within 3 months I was jobless, having to move, and deeply depressed.  These things converged so I felt an association between them and being in love/being engaged.

About 7 years later, I was engaged again. YAY. This time, what happened was (and this is the "Pedro" of "Ella and Pedro") the man was suddenly and violently killed.  A year before our wedding, and a few months before my sister's wedding, in which I was meant to be a bridemaid.

Believe me. If I had not been asked to do this by my sister I would NOT have been able to do it.  As it was, she was really mad at me that I was not helping her and supporting her, such as discussing her flowers or menu.  Truthfully, she did not maybe understand how being involved in any way with weddings for me felt so horrid I would throw-up and have a migraine.

So please, you don't know what your friend's friend is going through.  I am sure it is all she can do to just talk to anyone about any relationship or romantic stuff right now.

Jen4948

Just tell the salon to place the order and not worry about the dye lots, and let your BM be.

MuppetFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:ab93c1d1-871f-4224-806b-983881e52de4">Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : Well I don't want to post a whole story about someone else obviously. Our friend is her significant other, she begged to be in my wedding and I allowed it, should I have looking back probably not. She called off the wedding due to her fault, which was a huge one, having to do with with her judgement.<strong> I took ADVICE from everyone and I ordered the dressed against my families, friends, fellow bridesmaids and future husbands judgement to just kick her out of the wedding</strong>. Which I agree I was getting ADVICE for and it was not set in stone. I once again was trying to get advice. Which I did, if she steps down which she most likely will  then it is on her. Thank you everyone for your responses. 
Posted by jenmcbride13[/QUOTE]

Are you saying you already ordered her dress for her?

smalfrie19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:f402d1f4-3405-489d-8e69-4f6bdc6098e1">Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : I have but she did the dumping for other prospects. 
Posted by jenmcbride13[/QUOTE]

<div>Hey! Your judgy pants = not cool. I was engaged (granted only for 2 weeks) and I called it off, and yes it was for someone else, because that someone else made me realize that getting married to my Ex would have made me miserable for the rest of my life. But that doesn't mean calling off the wedding hurt any less. I was with him for four years and part of me still loved him. I cried the night he moved out and took a lot for me to move past it, REGARDLESS of the fact that I was with someone new.</div>

PrettyGirlLost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-question-about-kicking-out-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dbdd4e6-1fef-4ece-bc27-196d9d75d768Post:ba251f50-a45b-4e58-817d-01fe4da30fe8">Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward question about kicking out a bridesmaid..... : Trust me I am not a bridezilla and I literally never talk about my wedding or the plans for it. She called off her wedding and it is her mistake. <strong>Her fiancee is going to be living with me and my fiancee</strong>......also the bridal salon is giving me the altimatium to have it done.
Posted by jenmcbride13[/QUOTE]

Is it possible she cut off all ties with you because of this?  That seems super awkward.

Peledreamsofrain

I don't get all the drama, OP. Either she gets the dress or she doesn't. Have all your BMs get theirs and leave her alone. Kicking a BM out is a massive public insult. You might as well get on a bullhorn and call her names in a town square. It makes you look like a massive ass.

Butterfly898

Cut your friend some slack, she's going through a tough time right now. If you absoluetly need to order her dress, get it in a size or two larger than she is, and then alter it for someone else if you absolutely need to replace her in the end. However, i have a feeling that after a couple of months of sorrow, your friend will come around in time for your wedding. In which case, you already will have a dress ready (same dye lot) to be altered for her. its easier to remove fabric from a larger dress, than to add fabric to a too-small dress.

lcobb517

If you're not really friends with this person outside of her relationship with your friend which is now over, and she has stopped talking to you, take a hint.  She probably doesn't give a rip about you or your wedding any longer.  

Order the other dresses, if she comes around later asking about what she needs to do for your wedding, deal with it then.  Otherwise give it some time.