Wedding Gifts: We Lost the Checks

[Deleted User]

I wish I were kidding. I wish this was MUD! It's not... sigh.

While in a fit of post-wedding cleaning, my new husband either recycled or threw out the numerous checks we had received in cards for our wedding. I had set them aside, wanting to wait two days for the thank you notes to get through the mail before we started cashing them, and in the interim, he got a little overzealous with his cleaning. We have turned the house upside down and they are nowhere to be found. (ETA: Trash/Recycling day was the day after his cleaning fit and the day prior to realizing they were missing, so they are long gone.)

So now we have to call everyone who gave us a check, apologize profusely, and let them know we won't be cashing their gift because it has been lost. I'm guessing that most people will offer to replace them, but we won't ask them to do this. I feel terrible about this whole situation, and if they have to pay to put a stop payment on the check, I'll feel even worse.

Am I handling this the right way? Any advice on how best to handle this? I feel like we have to let them know so they can 1) balance their checkbooks and 2) aren't wondering why we never cashed their check.

At least he's learned his first new lesson of married life: Never throw out anything until your wife sees it!

AJuliaNJ

Wow, that is awful! I know you ripped the house apart, but take a day to relax and see if any other weird place to check comes to mind. After that, I think your plan is the best one possible given the situation. I am so sorry this happened to you.

arendiva

I don't think they would need to pay to have put a stop on the check. The two of you are the only ones cabable of cashing the checks so now they might as well just be scrap paper. I agree that you should tell people so they can balance their checkbooks. Many will likely reissue you checks but it's good that you aren't expecting it.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gifts-we-lost-the-checks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49300c1c-dc30-4f0f-a688-b205ca728cb1Post:22c61aed-55ac-424d-bfd4-63720ab96145">Re: Wedding Gifts: We Lost the Checks</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you by chance already endorse the checks? If so I would call immediately so people can stop them.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

<div>Unfortunately, I had endorsed the two that were made out to my maiden name, but I don't know which ones they were. The rest were all made out to my married name, so my husband was in charge of cashing those. I'm guessing my family is the one that did the maiden name ones, and I'll ask when we call to tell them about the check being lost, but my thought is that he tossed them in the recycling and it's highly unlikely they will ever again see the light of day.</div><div>
</div><div>We figured out they were missing this past Saturday. I tore the house apart this weekend, but they didn't turn up. I gave it a few days already to see if they would turn up, but at this point I'm guessing they won't. We're going to divvy up the list into who knows who best and start making calls. Ugh...</div>

MuppetFan

Gah! I've put checks in a "safe place" before and found them months later... sorry you are in this position.

AddieCake

Our bank charges for stop payments. 

misssunshine17

Call thr ASAP, don't wait any longer. Offer to pay for stop payment immediately. 

To make you feel better, I just lost by wallet by putting it on my car and driving away. Mistakes happen. Try not to beat yourself up. 

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gifts-we-lost-the-checks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49300c1c-dc30-4f0f-a688-b205ca728cb1Post:b7b551b0-0594-49e6-af7b-f73e5a73f402">Re: Wedding Gifts: We Lost the Checks</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, lesson learned now:  Don't EVER endorse checks until you are ready to deposit them.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Another lesson: deposit them ASAP! You're not supposed to wait around until you write thank-you notes and mail them. Make your list, deposit the checks, and <em>then</em> write the notes.</div>

mlg78

This got me thinking...while in a perfect world you'd send the thank you note prior to depositing the check but if you are headed out on your honeymoon I'd rather have the money deposited safely rather than sitting around in your empty house while you're gone.  I've never seen this in regards to etiquette...

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gifts-we-lost-the-checks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49300c1c-dc30-4f0f-a688-b205ca728cb1Post:90dbcb21-04bc-4e74-b6aa-f51574e78c05">Re: Wedding Gifts: We Lost the Checks</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think they would need to pay to have put a stop on the check<strong>. The two of you are the only ones cabable of cashing the checks so now they might as well just be scrap </strong>paper. I agree that you should tell people so they can balance their checkbooks. Many will likely reissue you checks but it's good that you aren't expecting it.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

That's only true if the checks were made out to "Bride and/or Groom's full name", because obviously, any bank employee not hellbent on losing their job knows that Robert Jones can't just deposit/cash a check made out to Jane Doe.

However, if a check is made out to "Cash", technically <strong>anybody</strong> is able to cash it, because there's no proof that it doesn't belong to somebody else. Not everybody knows that rule, so lots of people do still write checks out made payable to "Cash".

OP, I'm going to guess in your situation that you don't remember who did/didn't make a check payable to "cash", so you definitely should give them the heads up ... and while I'm not sure if there is an actually etiquette rule on this, I would offer to reimburse them for any cancellation fees they might incur, since it isn't their fault your DH essentially threw out their gift.


ETA: Also ditto PPs, never endorse a check until you are ready to deposit it (I usually endorse mine right in front of the teller). Most banks nowadays don't let people deposit checks made out to other people, even with the original person's signature on it ... but it still CAN happen.

seshat303

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gifts-we-lost-the-checks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49300c1c-dc30-4f0f-a688-b205ca728cb1Post:90dbcb21-04bc-4e74-b6aa-f51574e78c05">Re: Wedding Gifts: We Lost the Checks</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think they would need to pay to have put a stop on the check. The two of you are the only ones cabable of cashing the checks so now they might as well just be scrap paper. I agree that you should tell people so they can balance their checkbooks. Many will likely reissue you checks but it's good that you aren't expecting it.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]


I would still put a stop payment on them, endorsed or not.  I worked in a bank for several years and check fraud is a very real thing and can range from forging signatures (or cashing with fake IDs) to washing and altering the payee line (or amount).  Or if they're made out to cash (omg please never do this) they're sort of open ended.  It also depends on how observant the teller is or if it's deposited into an ATM.  I know it's a royal pain, but if you really think you lost them it is the safest course of action.

[Deleted User]

To clarify, NONE of the checks were made out to "cash". I had signed the back of two that were made out to me, because I thought I'd be depositing them immediately. Then I thought, "Hey, if it were me, I'd appreciate a thank you note before I saw the check get cashed," so I decided to write the thank you notes first. It was not an etiquette thing per se, but something I would appreciate if I were the gift-giver. Of course I would not carry around a signed check, but they were sitting on our coffee table, FFS, it's not exactly like they were high risk for being stolen!

At any rate, of course we don't expect them to write us another check, and I will feel horribly if they have to pay to make a stop payment. I said as much in my initial post, and I know some banks do charge for this. Yes, we will offer to pay for any fees associated with a stop payment. Now we have some awkward phone calls to make.

Thanks for your help!

artbyallie

For the record, most people will appreciate seeing their checks go through ASAP so it doesn't mess up their checkbook balancing. I wouldn't want to forget I had written a check and then have the money leave my account.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gifts-we-lost-the-checks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49300c1c-dc30-4f0f-a688-b205ca728cb1Post:85f7d03d-7c57-4893-b592-05814a190640">Re: Wedding Gifts: We Lost the Checks</a>:
[QUOTE]For the record, most people will appreciate seeing their checks go through ASAP so it doesn't mess up their checkbook balancing. I wouldn't want to forget I had written a check and then  have the money leave my account.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, I figured that since the thank you cards went out two days after the wedding, it wasn't holding up anyone's desire to balance their checkbook... <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /></div>

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gifts-we-lost-the-checks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49300c1c-dc30-4f0f-a688-b205ca728cb1Post:85f7d03d-7c57-4893-b592-05814a190640">Re: Wedding Gifts: We Lost the Checks</a>:
[QUOTE]For the record, most people will appreciate seeing their checks go through ASAP so it doesn't mess up their checkbook balancing. I wouldn't want to forget I had written a check and then  have the money leave my account.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

Omg, people not cashing my checks pretty much immediately is one of my biggest pet peeves ever ... I actually get stabby looking over my banking when I realize that there's money just sitting in the account that shouldn't be there anymore. For most of our bills, thank the baby Jesus, we can pay online or use a v-check. But for my community theatre that ONLY accepts physical checks for registration fees ... and then sits on the money until they need it to pay for something? STAB!