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Etiquette

Week of bad news...

So I guess the closer it gets to the wedding day the more drama it brings. This will get to an etiquette question but first wanted to slightly vent.
1. My singer bailed. Waited to give his manager the deposit til the start of this month bc he was trying out for x factor and didn't make it so we got him. I got a 10:30pm text saying his mom had a medical emergency and he has to go to the mainland. Bummer all around. So scrambling to find a crooner on a tiny island - hard to do. :/
2. My RSVP date was today and I'm still missing a third of them. I've gotten a few of those as verbal yes but haven't even been contacted by some others. Oh and I got one today with no name. Dang it.
3. The etiquette breach - our best man just met a girl two days ago. They are texting/going on dates. We had dinner and movie last night where I met her. Nice lady, no problem. FI got a text today from best man asking if he could bring her as his date. Our wedding is kind of a 3 day thing. Pool party and rehearsal dinner Thursday for OOT guests and wedding party. Wedding Day and reception Friday. Boat charter Saturday. She can't come to Thursday and Saturday events bc there isn't room, the boat has a limit. He wasn't

Re: Week of bad news...

  • gypsylynn2005gypsylynn2005 member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2013
    Ugh mobile screwed up and won't let me edit! Sorry! He wasn't dating her when invites went out. We might just let her come bc our final count isn't due til the week of the wedding. Still, I feel like it was totally not cool for him to ask. One of my engaged friends was like "this isn't prom or a military ball...it's your wedding. Dates aren't required, ESP for $x amount a head." Just curious...what would you ladies do? She won't know many people and while we are doing pics would be at cocktail hour by herself. I also hafta switch up the seating chart. Not the end of the world but curious in your thoughts!
  • In Response to Re: Week of bad news...:
    [QUOTE]Ugh mobile screwed up and won't let me edit! Sorry! He wasn't dating her when invites went out. We might just let her come bc our final count isn't due til the week of the wedding. Still, I feel like it was totally not cool for him to ask. One of my engaged friends was like "this isn't prom or a military ball...it's your wedding. Dates aren't required, ESP for $x amount a head." Just curious...what would you ladies do? She won't know many people and while we are doing pics would be at cocktail hour by herself. I also hafta switch up the seating chart. Not the end of the world but curious in your thoughts!
    Posted by gypsylynn2005[/QUOTE]

    I invited all my wedding party people with guests even if they were not dating someone. My best friend, whom is married, is bringing another mutual friend and our best man is bringing one of his lady friends.

    No big deal to us. I just need a head count. I left wiggle room in everything just in case we "forgot" someone.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Your friend has a new love interest! This is GOOD news!! Let him bring her to as much as you can. If there is actually no room on the boat, that's fine, but you don't even have all your RSVPs back, so rearranging the seating chart should not be a big deal. And during the cocktail hour she can be drinking and mingling just like everyone else.
  • While you would technically be okay to say "sorry, we can't" since they weren't together when invites went out as a gracious host you should really try to accommodate her. And I don't understand how you can be at capacity when 1/3rd of your rsvps aren't even in?
  • In Response to Re:Week of bad news...:
    [QUOTE]While you would technically be okay to say "sorry, we can't" since they weren't together when invites went out as a gracious host you should really try to accommodate her. And I don't understand how you can be at capacity when 1/3rd of your rsvps aren't even in?
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

    All of this. Plus I think it's a lame excuse to say, "I'm going to spare her having to be alone at cocktail hour by not inviting her." I have been to many weddings where H was in it and I knew no one. Sure, that hour or so wasn't the most fun, but I'm a big girl and could talk to people and entertain myself. The majority of the reception they are together, all the days leading up to the wedding they are together, etc. I would try to accommodate her if possible.


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    Vacation
  • Oh I'm not at capacity for the wedding, sorry if it sounded that way. At capacity for RD and boat the next day. I have room for the actual ceremony and reception, intend on saying yes, and am happy he has a new interest! :D I just was curious on thoughts on this. Like I said, my friend was like "oh hell naw!" and I was wondering what other brides thought! Yah, luckily I have time before the final number has to be submitted but feel so weird calling and being like "So are you coming to my wedding?" obviously with more tact but still. Why can't ppl just mail em back? They are pre filled out and stamped, gah!! Lol P.S. I have a feeling my quotations and punctuation are going to be off bc I'm on mobile and it usually does that. Sorry!
  • I think you need to try to make room for the new GF at the pool party/rehearsal dinner as well as the boat charter on the Saturday. If you can't you should be preapred for the best man potentially not attending those events.
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  • We also invited all the wedding party with a plus one and planned on that for all events the wedding party was invited to. One groomsman RSVPed alone and then texted us about an hour after I turned in my "final" numbers to the caterer and asked if it too late to bring a date. Yes it was annoying, but we still made it happen and H was actually really happy his groomsman finally got the nerve to ask this girl out. So at least you are hearing about this when RSVPs are due! And if room opens up at any of the other events I would include her as much as you can.
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  • It sounds like this might be a DW? If so, I would never have a DW and not give every guest a plus one. If people are travelling for your wedding, its courteous to allow them to bring a guest.
  • In Response to Re: Week of bad news...:
    [QUOTE]I disagree with you having to make room at the events that are at capacity. You can be gracious for the wedding but if there isn't room for an unexpected guest there isn't room. Also, if the groomsman refuses to come to those events based on having a few dates with this woman then he isn't a very good friend.
    Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]
    I don't agree that he is a bad friend for wanting to spend time with someone he is dating. He's bringing her as his SO to their wedding. I think it's perfectly acceptable for him not to go to the events if she isn't able to, especially the day-after charter. Once the wedding is over he is free of wedding-related obligations. 
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  • In Response to Re: Week of bad news...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Week of bad news... : I don't agree that he is a bad friend for wanting to spend time with someone he is dating. He's bringing her as his SO to their wedding. I think it's perfectly acceptable for him not to go to the events if she isn't able to, especially the day-after charter. Once the wedding is over he is free of wedding-related obligations. 
    Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

    Second all of this. It's awesome that OP planned fun activities for the wedding party the weekend of the wedding but I think it is silly to get upset or act like the groomsman is a bad friend if he declines to attend some of the events for any reason.
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  • In Response to Re: Week of bad news...:
    [QUOTE]I think you need to try to make room for the new GF at the pool party/rehearsal dinner as well as the boat charter on the Saturday. If you can't you should be preapred for the best man potentially not attending those events.
    Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]


    Seriously? - They just started seeing each other (yay!) after the invitations went out.  I think if you can include her in the wedding and reception and any other events that you have room/budget for that's great.  Don't bend over backwards to include her in at capacity events.  Assuming this wedding is in Hawaii, I know I'd tell my new boyfriend to "enjoy the RD/Boat trip... I'll chill on the beach and work on my tan."

  • In Response to Re: Week of bad news...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Week of bad news... : Second all of this. It's awesome that OP planned fun activities for the wedding party the weekend of the wedding but I think it is silly to get upset or act like the groomsman is a bad friend if he declines to attend some of the events for any reason.
    Posted by Tami87[/QUOTE]
    If he wants to skip the boat trip cause he gets seasick - no biggie, he doesn't want to do it.  If he wants to skip the boat trip because OP couldn't accommodate at the last minute a new girlfriend of less than a month (I assume - since the wedding is still 3 weeks out and he started seeing her after invitations were sent)... I think that is a pretty crummy reason to bail and would question the friendship over it, especially as OP is making accommodations to include her where she can.  If OP was being a bridezilla and refusing to allow her to participate in anything, I can see the GM's feelings being hurt and boycotting, but otherwise... crummy friend if he lets her non-attendance dictate his.

  • If you can at all possibly swing it, squeeze her in.  If you have exhausted all options, then you tried, and you'll have to regretfully inform him of it.  Just let him know you'll try.  He'll appreciate it.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • They aren't dating yet even is also why I was pretty surprised. They just met this week. They have been on 1 date...the one we went with them on. It is kind of a DW...there are guests that live here in Guam (the knot didn't have a Guam option and I lived in Hawaii before here) and guests (mostly family) flying in. The update is he texted me last night and we talked about said girl. The end was he was going to wait a week to ask to see if they are dating yet/still talking at least etc. I told him go ahead she can come to the wedding, but he should bring her around the group of friends between then and now. The RD numbers have already been submitted and isn't being paid for by us. The pool party - sure...that is not a big deal at all. The boat if a spot opens up I really don't care if she comes, it's just a party fun thing. Oh, he also wasn't invited with a SO originally bc he wanted to meet up with my single bridesmaid friend who is flying in. He also isn't going to be the vindictive type to not come bc she can't kind if thing, we're really good friends
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