Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Advice- outdoor ceremony vs church

Hi Knotties- I'm in need of some advice.... again. Originally when my fiancé and infound our wedding venue we thought getting married by the gazebo in the commons right next door would be perfect. Outdoor ceremony right before sunset in mid September in Salem, MA. We put our deposit in with the hotel. Everything was great till my dad talked me into wanting to get married at th church that's up the street. We've met with the priest, so this an option. I am leaning towards wanting to get married in the church- although we don't go to church every week I did growing up and after confirmation I taught religion for a couple years- i even attended church at college (and I didn't go to a catholic school). I think getting married in a church is more affordable, less planing, no need to rent chairs or worry about weather. Although we did have a plan b if it rained we could move the ceremony inside the hotel. So here lies my problem. My fiancé says the decision is up to me then last night at dinner after a couple drinks hensays he really doesn't want to get married at church he wants to get married outside with the sun shining on him.... I think both locations would be beautiful but leaving it up to mother nature scares me and i also think I might regret not making the sacrament of marriage in a church... What should I do??

Re: Advice- outdoor ceremony vs church

  • I think if you want to get married in a church it should not be because you are worried about Mother Nature and chair rentals. It should be because your religion (whatever it may be) is important to you, and getting married in your church means something to you. It was very important for H and I to get married in a Christian church because it's a part of our lives and means something to us.

    If you also feel that way (it didn't come across that way in your OP, but perhaps it was your wording), then you and FI need to have a serious discussion. I think it's something you BOTH should be on board with and comfortable with. If he isn't, I would reconsider. You can still have a christian ceremony outside.


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  • edited January 2012
    From your post, I gather that you are Catholic. If that is the case, you have a much more serious decision on your hands than just where to get married. If you are Catholic, you are bound by canonical form in order to be married in the eyes of the Church. If you are not, you cannot particpate in the sacraments (receive the Eucharist, serve as a baptism/confirmation sponsor, etc.), unless you get the marriage convalidated (made valid in the eyes of the Church) down the road.

    If you get married in the Church, in addition to marriage preparation (which is, in my opinion, a good thing), you have to promise to raise your future children in the Church. If your fiance is not Catholic, he would not need to convert or make any promises besides "not interfering" with your promise to raise the children Catholic.

    The big thing is that you need to have an honest, calm conversation about the role religion is going to play in your lives individually, your life together as a couple, and the lives of your future children. You need to get on the same page about religion or there can be major issues down the line. I believe mixed marriages can work, if that is the case here, but you need to have the conversations NOW, rather than fighting batles as they arise (say, when it comes time to baptise your first child).

    ETA: You should also check out the Catholic Weddings board  (<-- Over on the left, under Cultural Wedding Boards). The ladies over there have tons of useful insight and knowledge about the faith, Catholic weddings, etc.
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  • meganb1977meganb1977 member
    1000 Comments
    edited January 2012

    Actually, I found that getting married in the church (especially if you are Catholic) was more expensive and took more planning.  The fee for the church if you were not a member of the parish was quite high, and then on top of that there are fees for the marriage preparation course, additional flowers for the church, transportation between the church and reception site, and more planning involved as far as readings, music, and who was going to do those things.  It all added up to a lot more than setting up chairs and having a judge do a civil ceremony.  We aren't churchgoing (especially me) and ultimately decided to have a civil ceremony at our venue in order to save money and hassles.  It sounds like whichever way you and your fiance go, it would be lovely, I can see it your fiance's way of having the sun shining on him but also understand if it's important to you to make the sacrament.  Hopefully if the church is important to you, your fiance can understand that and you can time things so you still get some beautiful sunset pictures to memorialize your special day.

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  • Yes, churches can be quite expensive as well.  I'm not sure about the Catholic part of all of this but in my personal preference I do not like outside weddings...too much at risk...not to mention September. 

    But I will say that it sounds like having the outside wedding is what you and your FI really want.  It was your first decision, you guys made it together, and its what he would really like.  I think the whole deposit thing would also really get to me, especially if you cannot get it refunded.
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