I've been asked to invite a family I don't know

Banina8790

My cousin will be a bridesmaid in my November wedding. She lives out of town and always stays with the family of an old high school friend of hers when she comes to visit. She recently emailed me and asked if I could invite the family she stays with when she's in town. We are already knocking people off the list in order to stay under a certain number. Considering I can't even remember their first names off the top of my head right now, my immediate answer is no. But is it rude of me to not invite them now that it's been requested?

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_ive-been-asked-to-invite-a-family-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4fe0d72a-a057-4ff9-9968-abbba0f18b43Post:dbfd1548-e313-4f85-bd61-13922cfd5495">I've been asked to invite a family I don't know</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousin will be a bridesmaid in my November wedding. She lives out of town and always stays with the family of an old high school friend of hers when she comes to visit. She recently emailed me and asked if I could invite the family she stays with when she's in town. We are already knocking people off the list in order to stay under a certain number. Considering I can't even remember their first names off the top of my head right now, my immediate answer is no.<strong> But is it rude of me to not invite them now that it's been requested?</strong>
Posted by Banina8790[/QUOTE]

No it was rude of her to ask.

AddieCake

No. You're under no obligation to invite friends of your cousin that you don't even know. It's not like it's her date. Why would she think this family would even want to come to a stranger's wedding? 

Kristin789

I don't think it was rude of her to ask.

She stays with this family when she come in town, which presumably is like 3 times a year.

But THIS year, in a span of about 3 months, she's going to be coming in town and staying with this family about 9 times for her to go dress shopping, dress fittings, multiple showers and family BBQs and other wedding and family events, plus the bridesmaid's tea/lunch plus the bach party plus the RD and wedding. 

Your wedding is going to mean that instead of 3 times a year, which is perfectly manageable for a family to offer and do for her, this family is going to have to host her like 12 times this year.  That's a lot.

Now of course you can say no, you can tell her she was rude to ask, whatever.  But I wanted to say that this family is going to be put out quite a bit for hosting someone in your wedding party so you don't have to, and it would be nice if, in addition to doing the extra laundry and food and paying attention to when the guest is arriving and departing each time, if they could come to one thing in the heart of all of this.

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_ive-been-asked-to-invite-a-family-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4fe0d72a-a057-4ff9-9968-abbba0f18b43Post:96208c40-b697-4643-bd0e-b8278286a45a">Re: I've been asked to invite a family I don't know</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it was rude of her to ask. She stays with this family when she come in town, which presumably is like 3 times a year. But THIS year, in a span of about 3 months, she's going to be coming in town and staying with this family about 9 times for her to go dress shopping, dress fittings, multiple showers and family BBQs and other wedding and family events, plus the bridesmaid's tea/lunch plus the bach party plus the RD and wedding.  Your wedding is going to mean that instead of 3 times a year, which is perfectly manageable for a family to offer and do for her, this family is going to have to host her like 12 times this year.  That's a lot. Now of course you can say no, you can tell her she was rude to ask, whatever.  But I wanted to say that this family is going to be put out quite a bit for hosting someone in your wedding party so you don't have to, and it would be nice if, in addition to doing the extra laundry and food and paying attention to when the guest is arriving and departing each time, if they could come to one thing in the heart of all of this.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>At the expense of the bride/groom/parents? Um... I don't agree with this at all. This is also making the assumption that the cousin is going to be traveling for wedding-related purposes NINE times, which is highly unlikely.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, you are not responsible for thanking someone for accomodating your guest when you did not set up the accomodations (and don't even know them). If your cousin wants to thank them for letting her stay there so she doesn't have to pay for a hotel room when she visits, she can bring them a nice bottle of wine or take them out to brunch or something. But you can just let you cousin know that, unfortunately, you cannot accomodate any more guests. You are not obligated to invite them.</div>

Kristin789

Totally agree with Zoberg - you are not obligated to invite them, and it's on your cousin to find a way to thank these people, etc.

P.S.  It's customary in my area to have at least nine times when the bridal party would be participating in an event - here's a list of the most common events, and there are 11 in this list:
Engagement party thrown by bride's family to introduce FI to extended family
Engagement party thrown by groom's family to introduce bride to extended family
Dress shopping
Dress shopping (yeah, twice)
Dress fitting/alterations
Shower
Shower
Bach party
Bridesmaid's Tea or Lunch
RD
Wedding

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_ive-been-asked-to-invite-a-family-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4fe0d72a-a057-4ff9-9968-abbba0f18b43Post:765d2c22-653f-4e52-a398-2af80d50408d">Re: I've been asked to invite a family I don't know</a>:
[QUOTE]P.S.  It's customary in my area to have at least nine times when the bridal party would be participating in an event - here's a list of the most common events, and there are 11 in this list: Engagement party thrown by bride's family to introduce FI to extended family Engagement party thrown by groom's family to introduce bride to extended family Dress shopping Dress shopping (yeah, twice) Dress fitting/alterations Shower Shower Bach party Bridesmaid's Tea or Lunch RD Wedding
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>Kristin, you need to wake up.  Coming in to town NINE times for a wedding is absurd, especially here in the south.  You may have crazy friends, but in 2013, most people come to town once or twice when they are an out of state WP member.</div><div>
</div><div>It was rude of this cousin to ask you to invite someone OP doesn't really know.  That doesn't change regardless of how many times she comes to town.  If she is imposing on them by coming to town for the wedding, she should get a hotel or stay with someone else.  OP, you are well within your rights to tell her that you don't have room to invite people you aren't close to.  </div>

MayDay513

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_ive-been-asked-to-invite-a-family-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4fe0d72a-a057-4ff9-9968-abbba0f18b43Post:96208c40-b697-4643-bd0e-b8278286a45a">Re: I've been asked to invite a family I don't know</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it was rude of her to ask. She stays with this family when she come in town, which presumably is like 3 times a year. But THIS year, in a span of about 3 months, she's going to be coming in town and staying with this family about 9 times for her to go dress shopping, dress fittings, multiple showers and family BBQs and other wedding and family events, plus the bridesmaid's tea/lunch plus the bach party plus the RD and wedding.  Your wedding is going to mean that instead of 3 times a year, which is perfectly manageable for a family to offer and do for her, this family is going to have to host her like 12 times this year.  That's a lot. Now of course you can say no, you can tell her she was rude to ask, whatever.  But I wanted to say that this family is going to be put out quite a bit for hosting someone in your wedding party so you don't have to, and it would be nice if, in addition to doing the extra laundry and food and paying attention to when the guest is arriving and departing each time, if they could come to one thing in the heart of all of this.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

I think if they are hosting her, and she is staying with them, it would be nice for her to get them a gift or something to show her appreciation. However, it is not the brides responsibility to provide lodging or compensate a host family.

edit: also if she (the bridesmaid) is imposing so much on the family, they can always say no.

Jen4948

No, you're not required to invite them or compensate them for whatever hosting they provide your cousin.  It's up to her to reciprocate their hospitality to her.

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_ive-been-asked-to-invite-a-family-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4fe0d72a-a057-4ff9-9968-abbba0f18b43Post:9dcd1b33-0bdd-43d6-b3f5-cebe9285ad6e">Re: I've been asked to invite a family I don't know</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I've been asked to invite a family I don't know : Kristin, you need to wake up.  Coming in to town NINE times for a wedding is absurd, especially here in the south.  You may have crazy friends, but in 2013, most people come to town once or twice when they are an out of state WP member. It was rude of this cousin to ask you to invite someone OP doesn't really know.  That doesn't change regardless of how many times she comes to town.  If she is imposing on them by coming to town for the wedding, she should get a hotel or stay with someone else.  OP, you are well within your rights to tell her that you don't have room to invite people you aren't close to.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.  I was in an out of state wedding and I made the trip once.  Nothing more was expected.  I couldn't imagine paying for nine flights.   </div><div>
</div><div>OP - If your cousin is hosted multiple times, SHE should be doing something (ie gift) for the family, not you.   You do not have to invite this family.

</div>

libby2483

You are under no obligation to invite this family, and in your position, I would not.  

lovesclimbing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_ive-been-asked-to-invite-a-family-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4fe0d72a-a057-4ff9-9968-abbba0f18b43Post:765d2c22-653f-4e52-a398-2af80d50408d">Re: I've been asked to invite a family I don't know</a>:
[QUOTE] It's customary in my area to have at least nine times when the bridal party would be participating in an event - here's a list of the most common events, and there are 11 in this list: Engagement party thrown by bride's family to introduce FI to extended family Engagement party thrown by groom's family to introduce bride to extended family Dress shopping Dress shopping (yeah, twice) Dress fitting/alterations Shower Shower Bach party Bridesmaid's Tea or Lunch RD Wedding
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Oh wow, really?  If the BMs can come to all of that, great!  But honestly, that is a crazy ton of money in gas or airfare if you're coming from out of town.  I don't care how good the friend is, depending on how far away it is, I wouldn't come to any of those events except the wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>(And FYI, two of my BMs missed my b-party and one of the showers due to being out of town.  I didn't care in the least.)</div>