Catholic Ceremony + Additional Ceremony?

[Deleted User]

Hello,

Are you ladies able to help me?

FI and I are both baptized Catholic and have made our first communions.  FI has been confirmed, I have not.  The majority of our family members consider themselves Catholic, though rarely go to Catholic services.  This includes FI and I.  FI considers himself Catholic while I consider myself spiritual.

FI cares deeply about getting married in a Catholic church, and I support this.  His faith (and, more importantly, the way he lives in accordance with his faith) is one of the many things I love about him.  That said, there are elements that are important to me when promising to a lifetime of trust, honor, and love to my best friend that are not typically included/allowed through a traditional Catholic ceremony.  This is something that he also supports. 

Has anyone heard of doing a traditional Catholic ceremony and then holding another ceremony/celebration (in another location -- at your reception or in a third site) where we can share personally written vows and having individuals who we love and who love us share readings from literature or other sources outside of scripture?

What do you think?  I really appreciate all of your comments.

Best,
Jeannie

daria24

I would write your personal vows in a letter and have it sent to each other while you are getting ready, or share them privately during a first look, or say them to each other on your wedding night. If there is a reading you want to share with your guests, perhaps someone can include it in their toast? I would not have a whole other "ceremony" at the reception, I think it's a bit disrespectful to the Catholic Church. It might come across as "the sacrament isn't good enough for us."

libby2483

It is only possible to have one wedding ceremony.  I think that you guys need to carefully consider what kind of wedding you truly want and then choose just one option.

mlg78

In Response to Re: Catholic Ceremony + Additional Ceremony?:
[QUOTE]You get one wedding ceremony.  If you want to be married in the Catholic church, you do it their way.  Having an additional ceremony would be an insult to Catholics and your church vows, as if they weren't good enough. If you and your FI are not married in the Catholic Church, you both will be barred from receiving the sacrements (communion).  This is not easy to fix.  This might be more important to you later in life.  Think carefully before you decide something this important.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

My dad was Catholic and my mom was Lutheran and they were married in a Lutheran church. Fast forward 22 years and he's dying and wishing to be buried Catholic and whatnot so they had to jump through a ton of hoops and eventually got remarried in the Catholic church prior to him dying.

If your fiancé's faith is this important to him, things like CMGr and I have just mentioned will matter to him.  Have one ceremony in the Catholic church.

OliveOilsMom

I would just do as Daria says and write out the vows you would say to each other in a letter and you can each read it on the morning of your wedding.  H & I had a Catholic Ceremony, but we also each wrote the other a letter to read in the morning.  It was a great thing to read in the morning before all the craziness started.

artbyallie

I agree with the others. Plus, Catholic ceremonies are already long. I would be pretty annoyed to go to one and then arrive at the reception only to have to watch a whole other ceremony. I would definitely be thinking the Catholic one didn't mean anything to you and that you just should have had the secular one because that's obviously what you really wanted. (I'm not saying this about you personally, OP, I'm just pointing out that's how it will look to an outside observer.)

MairePoppy

When my cousin and his wife were married many years ago, they exchanged the required traditional vows in a Catholic nuptial mass. The priest used information from their private counseling sessions during his homily. He talked about her efforts to be more considerate and punctual and my cousin's promise to be  patient and laid back and the importance of friendship between husband and wife. He related it to the readings and it was very personal. If you talk to your priest he may be able to help you work some of your ideas into the context of the Catholic mass, for instance the prayers of the faithful, appropriate readings and homily. 

Otherwise, write letters to each other. You could read them to each other during your photo session. Or have a private ceremony during your honeymoon, put the letters in box and open them on your first anniversary. 

[Deleted User]

That would be my ideal situation.  Unfortunately another issue is that we live out of state from where the nuptials will actually occur and so we are doing our counseling with an entirely different priest than will actually perform the ceremony.  This is very nice to see, though.

And, once again, I truly appreciate all of your advice!

In Response to Re: Catholic Ceremony + Additional Ceremony?:
[QUOTE]When my cousin and his wife were married many years ago, they exchanged the required traditional vows in a Catholic nuptial mass. The priest used information from their private counseling sessions during his homily. He talked about her efforts to be more considerate and punctual and my cousin's promise to be  patient and laid back and the importance of friendship between husband and wife. He related it to the readings and it was very personal. If you talk to your priest he may be able to help you work some of your ideas into the context of the Catholic mass, for instance the prayers of the faithful, appropriate readings and homily.  Otherwise, write letters to each other. You could read them to each other during your photo session. Or have a private ceremony during your honeymoon, put the letters in box and open them on your first anniversary. 
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

jemmini6

In Response to Re: Catholic Ceremony + Additional Ceremony?:
[QUOTE]I agree with the others. Plus, Catholic ceremonies are already long. I would be pretty annoyed to go to one and then arrive at the reception only to have to watch a whole other ceremony. I would definitely be thinking the Catholic one didn't mean anything to you and that you just should have had the secular one because that's obviously what you really wanted. (I'm not saying this about you personally, OP, I'm just pointing out that's how it will look to an outside observer.)
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

This.  I have attended a few Catholic weddings and they are LONG.  The last thing I'd want to do is to then have to sit though yet another ceremony...

s-aries8990

Make your personal vows personally, not in a ceremony.