Friend is ridiculous!!!

rel1988

Ok I just need to vent here. My oldest friend, also a BM, lives out of state and will be very pregnant at the wedding and is unsure if she will be able to fly out. This will be her 2nd. Baby's dad proposed after they found out they were expecting. It will be his first. They planned this baby and she has told me numerous times they wanted to have one before getting married so her medical expenses are all covered as a single mom, just like with her first kid. I have a huge problem with this and don't morally agree with it at ALL. As a result, it's put a strain on our friendship.

My shower is June 22nd. She is flying in with her son and FI for a week and a half this summer and they will happen to be in town for my shower. She told me a month ago she would be able to make my shower now since she will be in town. Yay! So excited she can make it especially since she might not make the wedding now. A week later she asks me again when my shower is and I tell her again...she now says that's the day her FMIL wants to throw her a baby shower so she is going to ask her if she can change days because she doesn't want ME to miss HER shower. First of all, I already went to her shower with the first baby. I'm a big beliver in you only get ONE shower! Bridal, baby, etc. The only reason I am justifying this a little is because it is her FI's first baby and his family is throwing it. Secondly, what about my shower you already promised to attend?! She didn't even mention her being bummed about attending mine that has already has had the date picked out for months.

This weekend they registered so I went online to look at their list. There is ONE item at $70 and everything else is at least $160. Most of it is in the $200+ range. Seriously?! I already attended a baby shower of hers and spent a lot on a gift. Money is a little tight with the wedding, but I would still find a way if this really was her first baby. I am just beyond the point of disbelief right now.

EDIT: I also forgot to mention it took me forever to pull up the registry online because she listed her name using FI's last name even though that won't even be her name yet when the baby is born.

Bubblegum5586

In most cases I agree that how people spend their money is none of my business... but this sounds like she is getting assistance from the state for being a single mom.... then in that case it's every tax payers business. Too many people take advantage of the system, its there to help people who NEED it not to perfectly time out your pregnancy so you dno't have to pay for it!

AllieBear725

You should take a step back and realize she has a lot going on in her life right now too. 

I don't think it's so much as she doesn't want to be a party of your big day as that she is also having life changing things happen.

She did try and get her shower moved. 

Give her the benefit of the doubt. 

rel1988

In Response to Re: Friend is ridiculous!!!:
[QUOTE]In most cases I agree that how people spend their money is none of my business... but this sounds like she is getting assistance from the state for being a single mom.... then in that case it's every tax payers business. Too many people take advantage of the system, its there to help people who NEED it not to perfectly time out your pregnancy so you dno't have to pay for it!
Posted by bubblegum1309[/QUOTE]

This. Exactly. I think it's morally wrong to expect the system to pay for your baby and plan it out to make sure you don't have to. So by doing things by the book, getting married and then having a baby I should get penalized and have to pay for things on my own? FI and I don't make a lot of money by any means, but when we decide to have kids I'm not going to put that financial responsibility on taxpayers. We will be responsible, save up ahead of time and support our family ourselves. Friend and I are also both Christian and attend Church every week. When she got pregnant she told me she "prayed to God" and he told her to get pregnant now before getting married. Must have missed that section of the Bible. It makes me angry that she tries to justify her actions by saying "God said it's ok".

rel1988

In Response to Re: Friend is ridiculous!!!:
[QUOTE]You should take a step back and realize she has a lot going on in her life right now too.  I don't think it's so much as she doesn't want to be a party of your big day as that she is also having life changing things happen. She did try and get her shower moved.  Give her the benefit of the doubt. 
Posted by AllieBear725[/QUOTE]

I understand she has a lot going on...she tells me constantly "I realize you're getting married, but I'm having a baby AND getting married" as if she has to one up me. It was their choice to get pregnant and her FI had told her he wasn't proposing until she got pregnant so yes they have a lot going on, but that was their choice.

Yes she did change her shower date, but she told me she wanted to get it moved so I could attend her's. She didn't make any mention of it being because she wanted to come to mine.

Ajuliana

Alesha, actually, when you very much disagree with the life choices of your friends, it can sometimes escalate to the level where you no longer have anything in common, and are no longer friends.  It's not a good/bad thing, it's just a reality thing.

There's a woman at my work who openly talks about how she gets her food stamps, welfare, etc., and it offends me as a liberal.  I don't want to support your tax cheating behind any more than any other political party member.  She has several times offered to buy other people at work snacks with her food stamp card.  WTH?

rel1988

Thanks guys for all your support and advice!!! I understand all of your points and I'm continuing to try and be open minded about all this. I still will plan on attending the shower but will not be buying a crib, stroller or glider. Alesha, that gift idea is great I like that! Alanyna, I agree with you on the disagreement of life choices...maybe in time I will change my mind, but this is coming down to ethics and morals to me. I'm not planning to write off our friendship, I just don't really see us being as close and talking every day anymore like we used to. I just really hope she isn't going to ask me to be a BM in her wedding. I don't know what I would do and I've personally never known anyone to decline.

MissMolly

That is true, and that is reality for sure. I guess I was just of a different opinion because I recently lost someone I had considered a best friend, and while we were growing apart, and had waaay different views on things, it still was a hard hit.

As for your coworker though, that would tick me off too. I dislike it when people take advantage of the system here in Canada too.

In Response to Re: Friend is ridiculous!!!:
[QUOTE]Alesha, actually, when you very much disagree with the life choices of your friends, it can sometimes escalate to the level where you no longer have anything in common, and are no longer friends.  It's not a good/bad thing, it's just a reality thing. There's a woman at my work who openly talks about how she gets her food stamps, welfare, etc., and it offends me as a liberal.  I don't want to support your tax cheating behind any more than any other political party member.  She has several times offered to buy other people at work snacks with her food stamp card.  WTH?
Posted by Alaynajuliana[/QUOTE]

LeslynA

TK is getting ridiculous. This is ANOTHER board that I come across where ppl are talking about the "system" (welfare/medicaid). As a bride to be you need to accept that the world does not revolve around you, as sad as that might be. Your friend has her own life to live. And the way your discussing her business, makes me wonder what kind of friend are you.
To all you other commentators- The "system" that you claim she is mooching off, does not give her anything- She is getting half-ass healthcare from a half-ass doctor. That's the stuff people do not tell you when they receive benefits from the "system".
I know this because I am a caseworker so I know exactly what they get.