Annoyed!

JillianNJohn

I have this friend. We met bc our kids are best friends. We hung out a few times and I really like her but I'm not one of those women who talk on the phone nonstop and spend all my time with my friends which I'm starting to get the vibe she expects of me. I don't have time to just sit on the phone and chit chat all the time. If u call me 75% of the time i send it to voicemail bc im busy or working. If I have time to do something I'm perfectly happy getting up and going not calling my friends and waiting 3 hrs for a response. I can't have all my time planned out or I go crazy.

This morning I get a text that says "call me when you get up, drop everything you have planned today were taking the kids to the beach". I reply 2 hrs later (came thru at 515am) with "sorry today's my bridal shower, I was told you RSVPd last week, sorry you wont be able to make it. and my kids are with their dad, have fun though".

She came back at me saying I never reminded her of the shower.... Umm huh??? If you get an invite and you RSVP its not on me to remind you to come but whatever. Its not like she RSVP months ago i was told last monday she had just RSVPd. she then says shes coming to my house at 10 to get my kids for the beach. I again tell her sorry they are with their dad. She calls me and says she needs his number to call and TELL HIM she taking the kids to the beach bc her son needs his wing man (ugh I HATE that she always refers to my son as her sons wing man). My kids switched schools admist a rough divorce and my oldest knew no one, her son befriended him and helped him meet other people but I don't like my son being referred to as a little side kick. He is still his own person with his own ideals.

I have kindly explained in the past that when the kids are with their dad they are unavailable for friend things so when invited I just say sorry they are with their dad this weekend, most everyone is understanding. some close friends will ask me when they r with their dad to make sure we plan stuff my kids CAN attend. Their dad is not a bad person but he's selfish like that on his weekends he wants them 100% to himself and my oldest is not even able to answer his phone for friends. My 10 yr old has said "can I go to my friends bday party next Saturday when we are with you" and dad finds a reason to not let him. It is what it is... So no I'm not giving the parents his number to call and make him feel guilty. My kids are okay with this (for now) and I don't need to start a battle with him over it. the kids know when they are with me they can make plans with friends and they know our schedule 3 months at a time. (They live with me an FI 80% of the time).

I can't help but be annoyed. She's been talking about my bridal shower for a month how excited she was, etc. I don't expect others to be as excited as me but is it wrong to expect someone to do what they say? If you RSVP then show up, if you have no intention on going to something DONT RSVP. Im trying to tell myself it just slipped her mind but to keep pushing the issue is rude to me.


Thanks for letting me vent.... Just wanting to get this off my chest before the shower. A excited and thankful for all MOH is doing. Kinda scared though bc with her ANYTHING is possible haha. Some of my friends are traveling 2 hrs to come (been friends since grade school so over 20 yrs).

Ella and Pedro

Your "friend" sounds fairly selfish.  I use " " because it's clear to me if it was not for the two young men, you wouldn't be socializing with her.  If she does not attend your shower, it sounds like plenty of other women will be there who (it seems) you have a deeper, more significant relationship with.  Just enjoy their friendship, and be 'friendly' with this other chick. 

P.S. I too screen most calls, and send most calls to voicemail.  People who know me, know to send a text or e-mail.  This is especially true for any # not in my phone contact list.  I'd actually say my dislike for chit-chat on the phone is borderline phobia.  So, I feel ya.

gottahavashorti

Try to stay on good terms with her for your son's sake, but she doesn't sound like a great friend.  Props to you for refusing to schedule your kids for anything on weekends with their dad.  It must be tough for dads who only see their kids 2 out of 14 days and sometimes those kids have packed schedules during that time.  It would be nice if schedules worked out for him to switch days or make exceptions if there is a birthday party, but oh well.

fiendtothemax

She sounds like she is a "friend" when it's convenient for her and her son. 

JillianNJohn

In Response to Re: Annoyed!:
[QUOTE]Your "friend" sounds fairly selfish.  I use " " because it's clear to me if it was not for the two young men, you wouldn't be socializing with her.  If she does not attend your shower, it sounds like plenty of other women will be there who (it seems) you have a deeper, more significant relationship with.  Just enjoy their friendship, and be 'friendly' with this other chick.  P.S. I too screen most calls, and send most calls to voicemail.  People who know me, know to send a text or e-mail.  This is especially true for any # not in my phone contact list.  I'd actually say my dislike for chit-chat on the phone is borderline phobia.  So, I feel ya.
Posted by Ella and Pedro[/QUOTE]

People who truly know me and the schedule I keep will text me "need to talk to you about ____ call when you can" and I do. My MOH and I have seriously talked on the phone maybe 5x in the last 2 years. it's easier for us both to email, text, instant chat, etc. makes us no less friends, we just don't have time for it. Some say texting is less personal, but for me, its a cnsideration for others time. You ask a question they get back to u when they can, I text the doctors I work for all day Long, and they respond when they can. SO GLAD IM NOT ALONE. It used to be hard on the kids, but they've adjusted over the years. The older 2 are sadly figuring out that their dad is selfish like that so they dont ask (they are 10 and 8). They know if I'm not avail for something they can ask FI and we will make it work (every 3rd weekend I'm on call). My ex has them Friday at 4pm till Sunday at 6pm every other week, and on the off weeks he can have them 1-2 evenings for dinner if he wants. I leave the offer out there so he can't ever use it against me saying I don't let him see the kids. I used to shield my kids but had to stop they can call anytime they want to see him, he just doesn't answer his phone or call them back (but tries to play the, I'm only allowed to see my kids 4 days a month card). he's a professional victim and FI and I have adapted to it over the years. I went as far as having him sign an agreement that I get the kids from June 4th to June 22nd regardless of who's weekend and time it is for wedding events (fam here June 4th, last day of school June 7th, wedding June 9th kids to my parents out of state till June 17th and drs appts that next week). he signed it and is now furious bc no one told him Father's Day is the 16th.... Umm you knew, you agreed, you have a calendar!

JillianNJohn

Scribe, I didn't deliberately do it. We never know if he's going to have them on Father's Day or not bc of his work schedule and maybe I'm cruel but I wasnt going to plan my honeymoon around his work schedule. If he wants to have them he can certainly arrange with my mother for him to drive to AZ to get them (were in CA). It's a 4 1/2 hr drive. FI and I will be in our honeymoon. Ex never knows when Father's Day is until I point it out, its MY responsibility in his eyes for everything. I didn't have them lAst mother day (or my birthday) bc it was HIS weekend and he insisted on taking them to his mothers bc it was his weekend and it was her Mother's Day. Didn't matter that it was Mother's Day or not, all that mattered was that its HIS weekend. Sadly its something we have to go back or court for. I understand what you mean about using the word selfish... Example, he took the kids to an amument park. Oldest began throwing up before they went in. Instead of coming home he stayed, he text me saying oldest is puking, he doesn't know what to do and can't believe I'd send a sick child to him and ruin his trip with the kids. Umm... He had them for 2 days prior, how is it my fault? And they didn't come home... They stayed, oldest puked the entire time and was miserable (my kid told me when he got back). I understnd having time with your kids, but if a kids sick you rearrange, its called being a parent. When ones sick he tells me I have to keep him so he can not hae HIS weekend with the others ruined, its my son so I will cancel my plans but if its his weekend why should I have to? We've cancelled plans to disneyland and universal and such bc a kid is sick. I've called and asked if him he could take a sick kid so I can go to work and he says no he has plans to go to lunch with his friends, its my week so i have to deal with it, yet if i dont ask him he gets mad. he is very ine way, its part of why we divorced. it's only when it works for him.

JillianNJohn

I wish it was. Ours was written out by us, signed by a judge. THAT'S IT. we have to go back to get it adjusted. we're civil for the most part and try to make it work.