NWR/NGIS Opinions

Lobsters25

So I work about 7:30-4 right now, H works 8-5.  He's home by 5:30, we eat dinner, go for a family walk, etc.  H also has over $20k in debt that he is responsible for paying down.  This was the stuff I wasn't aware of pre-marriage, and he is paying it on his own.  It is accruing some interest, thankfully not much, and he's able to pay about 1k a month off.  I am making my own car payments, too.  We're still dumping some in savings, but aren't able to really go out as much and do as many trips as we'd like, and we are on a strict budget for the day-to-day things (like groceries.)

I really pushed H to get a part time job to expedite the payments so we could start saving faster for a home and for my grad school (he's used to crazy long workdays from his last job, so that won't be much of an issue.)  He just now found out he got one and, like a femaly, I am now sad.  I love that we have so much time in the evening and on the weekends together, and I want to keep that time.  But do I need to push those feelings aside to be realistic and get the debt paid down, and get us back on storing money for house and grad school (which I HAVE TO start in the next four years, before my GMAT results expire) track? Or do I accept that we will be paying rent for longer but hey, at least we have time together?

I need sage words or wisdom from people wiser than me   (which is all of you, hah!)

jennylee813

I think that you're handling this in the right way. It's great that he's owning the problem and dealing with it, and I totally get your feeling of sadness as well. It's short-term pain for long term gain.

When DS was born, we decided that I should be a SAHM. I put my career/education on hold (I always knew I'd go back to school and get my teaching degree, but that was when the kids were older). We paid our bills, had very little in savings, and never went on any trips. I can honestly say that ex-H and I only ever went on one vacation - a family vacation the last summer we were together, as a last ditch attempt to try to save things.

After my marriage ended, I put myself through school, got into (and out of) an abusive relationship,became friends with FI (we were friends long before getting together), and  moved to another part of the province. Now we're both starting over again. And it sucks! We look at other people our age who have the 'toys' we want and can travel, and we're nowhere near that.

But we deal. being a grownup sucks sometimes. I keep telling FI that "we'll get there." You will too. I promise!

choagie42

In Response to Re: NWR/NGIS Opinions:
[QUOTE]I've worked a bunch of odd jobs at odd hours throughout grad school. Sure, it cuts out on us time, which sucks, but it has helped us keep our student loans waaaaay down. Money trouble is stressful, so I think it is smart to prioritize paying down your debt. Yes, you will have less time together, but that means really enjoying the time you do have. If you usually spend your together time watching TV, turn it off and have quality time instead. Make sure to prioritize date night, even if that is a stay at home and cook a special dinner night. If you have less time to spend, make sure you are spending it really doing stuff together, as opposed to the same thing in the same room.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

This.  I totally feel where you're coming from, as I have a fiance who is literally bouncing around the country on airplanes for half the days of any given month.  Some times I'm practically throwing him out the door to get "my space" but then I sometimes do what you do and then feel sad and lonely.  But making the effort to really utilize the time we do have makes all the difference.  Plus, as someone who's several more decimal places in debt that I wish I was, I can appreciate the feeling of urgency to get out from underneath it.  Sorry you're in this position, but I know you'll make it through stronger!!

lovelyheather

FI has been working crazy overtime since we got engaged.  Fortunately, for us, he gets to pick when he wants to work OT.  So some weekends, when we have nothing going on, he will put in like 6 hours on Sat and 6 hours on Sun (I sit around and watch tv all weekend, lazy!).  But if we want to make weekend plans, he can just not work OT. 

With it being 2 separate jobs, I assume that sort of scheduling won't be possible.  I would just make sure to prioritize date nights/your time together. 

Also, if he tries the part time job and it really doesn't work out for you guys, he can always quit.  I think trying to pay off the debt quickly would be worth the work of adjusting to a new schedule.  But just remember he isn't stuck with it if it is causing more harm than good for the two of you. 

ZeroOrchestra

Hi Lobsters!

Definitely support H with this job. We were paying down some stuff earlier this year which meant I was puling 50+ hours at work, having a total opposite schedule from H and barely seeing the kiddo. It sucked balls, and it's nice to have your partner on your side, whether that means being able to just vent to them or making those few minutes you do see eachother really worth it.

entropicbeauty

I think what you're doing now is smart. Your H should keep his second part time job and be responsible and pay down his massive debt (i'm assuming consumer debt - the worst kind!). The quicker he pays it off the less you will be paying in interest.

If he does this till his debt it paid off, you guys will be in debt for a MUCH shorter period of time and then you will be able to resume having the time together. 

I know it sucks, but you will adjust quickly. You might even have MORE time to focus on your health etc.

Lobsters25

You ladies are the bestest.  For real.

It will help him finish the debt about six months ahead of schedule, and almost ten months ahead if he takes the max number of hours.  It actually is not consumer debt (though it initially was) because we consolidated it under a low interest bank equity loan as soon as I found out about it.
It also has me thinking that maybe I'll go back to school right away, while he's doing this, to stay busy and to get these major expenses out of the way all at once (thankfully, work pays for a good portion of school.)  Then, in about two years we can really focus on house and family. 

I told him about the date night idea, and he loved it.  We never spend money on things like happy hour now, so adding in something fun with this will give us something to which to look forward. (Aside from vaca, which we've also been saving for on the side...)

Thanks for being so awesome, all of you!  Hugs for everyoneeeee

libbybacon

Lobs, I agree with what everyone has already said. My FI is a project manager, and also teaches community college classes at night. As much as we hate that his teaching take away from our together time, we MAKE time together when we aren't working. Also, I think it's a great idea to go back to school. I'm in the same boat - once we get married, I'll be going back to school right away, so I'll have something to occupy myself while FI is working so much!

meanpony

Hi Lobster,

go to school while your test scores are still valid! They're a pain (and expensive) to renew.

That's all I have to contribute. Lol. You two are doing the right thing.

winelover123

I can only echo what others are saying. It makes more sense to get the debt down ASAP so you can both move on. I understand about not seeing your H frequently - mine is working long hours and studying for his CPA exam. Even if it's once evey two weeks, plan an actual date. Follow a wine trail (one of our favorite things to do!) or go on a picnic or something fun and different like that if you can't find time every week to have a date.

nextrightthing

I agree with PP that your plan is a good one.  What are you going to grad school for?  It is awesome that your work will help pay for it!  By far our biggest debt is my student loan debt. 

Lobsters25

Thanks, everyone!

nrt-still debating between my MBA, Masters in Supply Chain Engineering, or both.  I did well on the GMAT, so was looking at some full-time programs, but that won't be in the cards unless I get a full scholarship, and I won't leave work unless it's also a top program.  Otherwise, I'll probably go online or try to get a full or partial ride from somewhere local and do night or weekend classes.  I really don't want to go back to school, but it seems silly to waste the GMAT.