How to get my Bridesmaid her shoes?

AMgalliardt

I want the wedding party to all wear TOMS shoes, as a way of giving back on our big day. One of my bridesmaids can't afford a pair though. Should I get them for her at $54? Is it rude to encourage her to save up for them?

msuprincess04

If you require certain footwear, you should be the one paying for it. The only responsibility the BM has to buy is the dress (within her budget) and show up to the wedding. Anything else is extra, so if you require it, it's on you to get it. Do not tell her what she can and can't do with her money.

bunni727

You really should pay if you are wanting specific shoes.

That said, I really think BMs should get to choose their own footwear, regardless of who pays. Shoes are so personal, one girl may love the toms and another have severe knee issues after 15 minutes. I know they are horribly uncomfortable for me, adn I hate the way my legs look in flat shoes.

gmcr78

Yes, it is absolutely rude to "encourage" her to save up for them. 
I'd never wear those fug things.  Some people like them, but I am not one of them.  I'd never buy a pair, especially to wear once in someone's wedding.
The only thing your BMs are required to get on their own is their dress.  If you want them to wear specific shoes, you need to buy them.  But don't be surprised if they still don't want to wear them.
If you want to "give back", make a private donation on your own.  Don't force your bridal party to support some organization just because you do.

artbyallie

I really despise casual footwear (TOMs, flip flops, Converse, cowboy boots) with formalwear. I would also never wear most of those options anyway, so if I was required to wear them, it would be once and then they would be going to a consignment store. I wish you would reconsider the shoes, but if you insist, yes you absolutely should be paying for every pair.

wittykitty14

Bridesmaids only have to pay for the dress.  If a bride requires anything specific (certain shoes, jewelry, professional hair/makeup/nails), then it is the brides responsibility to pay for it.

If someone asked me to wear specific shoes, AND pay for them, I would be really offended.  I won't spend $50 on a pair of shoes for myself, unless I needed to invest in a good pair of sneakers or something.  And honestly, nobody notices what bridesmaids have on their feet.

It is rude to tell your friend how to handle her money, yes.

My suggestion is this: Option 1-Pay for the specific shoes you want each BM to wear, if you're that set on it.  If others have bought theirs already, reimburse them.  Option 2-Let them wear whatever they want so that they'll be comfortable.  If other BM's have the shoes, see if they can return them and get their money back.

Good luck!

AddieCake

In Response to How to get my Bridesmaid her shoes?:
[QUOTE]I want the wedding party to all wear TOMS shoes, as a way of giving back on our big day. One of my bridesmaids can't afford a pair though. Should I get them for her at $54? Is it rude to encourage her to save up for them?
Posted by AMgalliardt[/QUOTE]
Of course it would be rude of you to "encourage" her to save up for them. You don't get to tell people what to spend their money on or what they need to save up for. You mind your business and let other people mind theirs. If you want your bridesmaids to wear specific shoes, you need to pay for all of them. 

Maggie0829

If you want your entire wedding party to wear TOMS then you have to pay for them.  Period.  So I guess it isn't a matter of your BM saving up, it is a matter of you and your FI saving up.

kmbryant2413

In Response to Re: How to get my Bridesmaid her shoes?:
[QUOTE]If you want your entire wedding party to wear TOMS then you have to pay for them.  Period.  So I guess it isn't a matter of your BM saving up, it is a matter of you and your FI saving up.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

::snort::

renegade gaucho

Regardless of who pays, I think it's really crappy to dictate that anyone wear a particular shoe.  Some people might not find that shoe flattering or comfortable, and they might be miserable after spending so much time on their feet.  Pick a color and let your bridesmaids choose their own shoes based on their own preferences and budget.  If I'm spending a lot of money on a dress, hair, and makeup, there's no way in hell I would shell out more money to ruin my look with a pair of fug shoes that I would never wear again.

Also, it's really not appropriate for you to decide that your wedding party should "give back".  If you want to support a particular charitable cause, then YOU should do it.  You don't get to dictate that your friends do it just because it's your wedding day.  Furthermore, some people actually have serious issues with the way TOMS provides "help".  This blog does a good job of explaining why: http://thepublicqueue.com/2012/the-tragedy-of-toms-shoes/

Again, if you want to give back, then do it.  Let your wedding party give back, if they so desire, in the manner of their choosing.

QueerFemme

In Response to Re:How to get my Bridesmaid her shoes?:[QUOTE]I want the wedding party to all wear TOMS shoes, as a way of giving back on our big day. One of my bridesmaids can't afford a pair though. Should I get them for her at 54? Is it rude to encourage her to save up for them? Posted by AMgalliardt[/QUOTE] You want your BMs to save up to buy a pair of casual shoes that don't even macth BM dresses so YOU can feel good about giving back? Um. First. Pick different shoes. Second. if you insist on these shoes, you buy them. Third. Why don't you make a donation somewhere so you can "give back" all by yourself.

misssunshine17

Are you serious? You are so out of line.

Peledreamsofrain

Can we delicately encourage you to save up for the shoes without you getting offended?

banana468

I have to echo the "I don't know how someone else buying from a charitable organization qualifies as YOU giving back," sentiment.

I like the idea of buying from charitable organizations but by asking your WP to do it it's all kinds of bad.

On an aesthetic level, I'm not a huge fan of formal wear and casual shoes either.   Unless your BMs are in sundresses I think this is one of those looks that is going to be a big miss.

vsgal

Despite their mission to donate shoes to children in need, TOMS has been criticized for being vague about measures it's taken to uphold fair labor standards in China, Ethiopia and Argentina, where it makes the majority of its products.  This is not a company that I would support.