My FSIL hates me...

MissLibby13

I think my future sister-in-law hates me. Her parents got a divorce a few years ago and she has stopped believing in marriage. She has posted all kinds of "anti-my marriage" things on her public twitter and it hurts so much to see. I am trying so hard to be nice to her. I invite her to all the events and treat her with so much respect, but nothing seems to help. She refuses to make an effort to attend any events or be involved in any way. She's his younger sister and she has been going through a lot of drama at home for the past year, so I try to be understanding. Sometimes, I get so angry that she can't support her older brother, but then I feel bad for being angry. It makes me want to be sick. My fiance' and the rest of his family don't care what she thinks. They love me and are so thankful for me. I just wish I could please everyone. I just wish she would like me just a little bit... So there is my pity party post for the day... 

kmmssg

I know that is what you wish, but she has showed you it just isn't going to happen.  I'm guessing she is a BM?  Is that correct?

All she has to do is show up sober, in the right dress, and smile for pictures.  Don't expect anything else and you won't be disappointed.

I'm sure it is difficult since the rest of his family seems excited for your wedding and she isn't.  Let it go.  Don't say anything to her about it, make sure she knows when the shower, rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner will be.  It is optional if she chooses to attend any of those, but she will be at your wedding.  (No one needs to practice walking down an aisle.  If she blows that off, no big deal).

You can't control her actions but you CAN choose to not let them affect you.  Good luck!

alikatt17

How old is this broad?

hmonkey

maybe her thoughts and feelings aren't about YOU and maybe they are about HER trying to process her parents' divorce, her feelings about her sibling getting married and about herself in general.

hmonkey

maybe you need to stop thinking about yourself and start talking to her about her life in general, instead of just about your wedding.

TheMrsC23

Have you or your FI ASKED her (in person, not over email/text/FB/twitter) if everything is OK?

hmonkey

delaying college for a year won't destroy her life.  delaying college for two years won't destroy her life.

going to college when she has so many other issues to deal with might be far more harmful than not going to college at all.

also, your experience is not like hers.

support your fmil in her efforts to manager your fsil and keep trying to reach out to her by yourself or through your fi.

[Deleted User]

sounds like a moody teenager to me.  She needs to process this on her own though I would suggest counseling (not you but her family should really see if she would go).  Other than that I would just leave her be.  IMO.

NOLABridesmaid

Why are you giving this so much debate? She's 18 and trying to find her way. Give her time and try to meet her where she is.

Heffalump

Honestly, I think it sounds selfish to talk about how your FSIL isn't all asquee over your wedding when she sounds like she clearly has much bigger issues to deal with.  She is obviously hurting and acting out, and you're complaining about what she says she'll wear to the wedding. 

If you were that concerned about her as a person, you wouldn't be posting about it on a wedding website vis-a-vis your wedding.  By saying "My FSIL hates me" you're trying to make her problems about you, which comes off as pretty self absorbed.

hmonkey

heffa, please.  even me saying that her fsil needs a break is all about her.

Wzz

i don't see how her posting about her feelings on marriage have ANYTHING to do with the OP.

FruitSnack84

In Response to My FSIL hates me...:
[QUOTE]I think my future sister-in-law hates me. Her parents got a divorce a few years ago and she has stopped believing in marriage. She has posted all kinds of "anti-my marriage" things on her public twitter and it hurts so much to see. I am trying so hard to be nice to her. I invite her to all the events and treat her with so much respect, but nothing seems to help. She refuses to make an effort to attend any events or be involved in any way. She's his younger sister and she has been going through a lot of drama at home for the past year, so I try to be understanding. Sometimes, I get so angry that she can't support her older brother, but then I feel bad for being angry. It makes me want to be sick. My fiance' and the rest of his family don't care what she thinks. They love me and are so thankful for me. I just wish I could please everyone. I just wish she would like me just a little bit... So there is my pity party post for the day... 
Posted by MissLibby13[/QUOTE]

OP says the twitter posts have been "anti-MY marriage", not just anti marriage in general. It sounds like the FSIL is saying things like 'my brother is stupid to get married' or stuff like that. If I were her, I'd be upset too. At least that's how I read this. I agree that if her posts are just anti marriage in general, then OP should relax about it and realize the girl has some issues right now.

Heffalump

FruitSnack, she had a ton of replies with more info that she later DDed.

MissLibby13

In Response to Re: My FSIL hates me...:
[QUOTE]In Response to My FSIL hates me... : OP says the twitter posts have been "anti-MY marriage", not just anti marriage in general. It sounds like the FSIL is saying things like 'my brother is stupid to get married' or stuff like that. If I were her, I'd be upset too. At least that's how I read this. I agree that if her posts are just anti marriage in general, then OP should relax about it and realize the girl has some issues right now.
Posted by FruitSnack84[/QUOTE]

I deleted most of my posts because I felt like they were pretty pointless and I felt I was being trolled. I should not have replied in the first place. The things she is posting are anti MY marriage. She is against marriage, but specifically mad at us for our marriage. 

hmonkey

that's weird, considering you aren't actually married yet.  let your fi handle that one, and just ignore whatever she's saying.

(btw, if you say "i CAN'T", then i have to ask -- how old are you?)

anyhoo, you can just stop paying attention to her and live in your own little happy bubble or try to support your fi, your fsil and fmil as they try to find some course in their life.