Not Engaged Yet
Options

Pop Quiz

It's a test. It's all always been a test.

"We can't get engaged unless we've lived together for a year. To prove we won't always screw it up the same way we did last time," he says. It's been 3 months. We talk less. I fantasize about doing him violence, though that's normal for me. Underemployment and his complete inability to grasp the concept of money are taking their toll. He eats lunch out several times per week; I've seen one movie in the past 3 months, with a pass I already had. People tell me to just talk to him about problems I have with his behavior, but I do. No matter how delicate, no matter how consultative I am, he just stops talking if he realizes I'm criticizing him. And it lasts for hours.

So, it's a test. And I've failed. I keep breaking down and asking how I'm doing, admitting that I think something's wrong...talking about the test is another way to fail the test. Talking about weddings is another way to fail the test, though he won't admit so, he still stops talking. Why did he drag me across the country, twice within 6 months, if the test is rigged so that I can't pas it?
image

Re: Pop Quiz

  • Options
    The test isn't rigged. It's the proctor. 

    He needs to be accountable for his actions. Financial stability in a relationship can make or break it. I'm not trying to be rude but he sounds immature. I would hate, hate, hate feeling like I'm under pressure to act that way my BF wants and that if I made a "wrong move" I would fail. He ignores his problems and he's ignoring you and your feelings and, it seems, your happiness. 

    A relationship is about give and take. It's a combined effort to make things work. It's work every day. It's not easy and cannot be ignored. I'm sorry someone you love has dragged you across the country twice and does nothing but manipulate your emotions to suit his emotional needs. You need someone who will listen to your concerns and is willing to come to a resolution and maybe make a compromise.




  • Options
    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Pop Quiz:
    [QUOTE]It's a test. It's all always been a test. "We can't get engaged unless we've lived together for a year. To prove we won't always screw it up the same way we did last time," he says. It's been 3 months. We talk less. I fantasize about doing him violence, though that's normal for me. Underemployment and his complete inability to grasp the concept of money are taking their toll. He eats lunch out several times per week; I've seen one movie in the past 3 months, with a pass I already had. People tell me to just talk to him about problems I have with his behavior, but I do. No matter how delicate, no matter how consultative I am, he just stops talking if he realizes I'm criticizing him. And it lasts for hours. So, it's a test. And I've failed. I keep breaking down and asking how I'm doing, admitting that I think something's wrong...talking about the test is another way to fail the test. Talking about weddings is another way to fail the test, though he won't admit so, he still stops talking. Why did he drag me across the country, twice within 6 months, if the test is rigged so that I can't pas it?
    Posted by Koneko[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry..what?! Honestly, your post doesn't make much sense but from what I'm getting just get the hell out of that relationship, get some counseling, and move forward in your life.


  • Options
    Couples counseling. I suggest it. You're envisioning physically hurting him. You're criticizing him. You guys are not on the same financial page. Honestly, are you guys even reading the same book? Living together shouldn't be a test for anything. It should be something you do because you want to live together.
    image
  • Options

    Your post reminds me of Taylor Swift's song Dear John.  Relationships aren't a test.  They are work but they are not a test. You should start seeing a counselor immediately.  He needs to be accountable for his action, no matter how much he dislikes it or how uncomfortable it makes him.  Have you been in abusive relationships before?  If so, please do see someone to help you work through that, it sounds like you might have baggage left over from being treated terrible.  Why are you even with him if you are so unhappy with every aspect in your relationship? 

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • Options

    Dude, if you're fantasizing about committing acts of physical violence against him, THERE IS YOUR ANSWER. Though, honestly, I don't think I saw a question. However, if your question is "Do I stay or do I go?" The answer is go.
    And please don't bludgeon him on your way out. That's just not cool.

    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









  • Options
    beanbot2002beanbot2002 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited May 2013
    I think TK ate my post. DAMMIT!

    ETA: Yep. Totally ate my post.
    ETA2: And now it's back. Grrrr. This shiz gets confusing.
    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









  • Options
    I agree with Stage 100%

    Anniversary

  • Options
    In Response to Pop Quiz:
    [QUOTE]It's a test. It's all always been a test. "We can't get engaged unless we've lived together for a year. To prove we won't always screw it up the same way we did last time," he says. It's been 3 months. We talk less. I fantasize about doing him violence, though that's normal for me. Underemployment and his complete inability to grasp the concept of money are taking their toll. He eats lunch out several times per week; I've seen one movie in the past 3 months, with a pass I already had. People tell me to just talk to him about problems I have with his behavior, but I do. No matter how delicate, no matter how consultative I am, he just stops talking if he realizes I'm criticizing him. And it lasts for hours. So, it's a test. And I've failed. I keep breaking down and asking how I'm doing, admitting that I think something's wrong...talking about the test is another way to fail the test. Talking about weddings is another way to fail the test, though he won't admit so, he still stops talking. Why did he drag me across the country, twice within 6 months, if the test is rigged so that I can't pas it?
    Posted by Koneko[/QUOTE]

    What do you mean "like you did last time"? I'm confused. Did you live together previously and are giving it another go?
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    You need to get the EFF out of there and run as fast as you can to get away from him.

    If you want to hurt someone, that is not okay. This test you mention, wtf is that? LEAVE NOW.

     

  • Options
    A relationship isn't a test.

    Stage is right, get out now!

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
  • Options
    This is all just very strange and unhealthy.  Violence, testing each other, criticism, not speaking to one another...  I'd agree with many of the PP's here, encourage you to do some real soul searching and move on.  It seems to me that neither of you are ready for a relationship, let alone marriage.  
    image
    Meddied since 6/15/13!
  • Options
    rel1988rel1988 member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Comment First Anniversary

    Yes please listen to advice and LEAVE. I dated a guy for 7 years who sounds like this...I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. You deserve much better. Stop moving and uprooting your life for him.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    I concur with the other ladies on here: get out of that relationship stat! This isn't something you want to hear, but I've been where you are [minus wanting to physically harm my BF] and thought I could tough out the "rough patches" and my BF would grow up, learn financial stability, get a good job and marrry me. It never happened. I left him and met my fiance, who treats me wonderfully, has a great job and never made living together a test. I know you have a lot riding on your current relationship but it's best to let it go because it isn't moving forward. ..and it's definitely not all your fault that you two are stagnated. If he won't listen to you, get out. If he gets away with treating you this way now, he won't treat you any better in the future.
  • Options
    csousa1csousa1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    In Response to Pop Quiz:
    [QUOTE]It's a test. It's all always been a test. "We can't get engaged unless we've lived together for a year. To prove we won't always screw it up the same way we did last time," he says. It's been 3 months. We talk less. I fantasize about doing him violence, though that's normal for me. Underemployment and his complete inability to grasp the concept of money are taking their toll. He eats lunch out several times per week; I've seen one movie in the past 3 months, with a pass I already had. People tell me to just talk to him about problems I have with his behavior, but I do. No matter how delicate, no matter how consultative I am, he just stops talking if he realizes I'm criticizing him. And it lasts for hours. So, it's a test. And I've failed. I keep breaking down and asking how I'm doing, admitting that I think something's wrong...talking about the test is another way to fail the test. Talking about weddings is another way to fail the test, though he won't admit so, he still stops talking. Why did he drag me across the country, twice within 6 months, if the test is rigged so that I can't pas it?
    Posted by Koneko[/QUOTE]



    .........first rule of Fight Club is to never talk about Fight Club?
  • Options
    In Response to Re: Pop Quiz:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Pop Quiz : .........first rule of Fight Club is to never talk about Fight Club?
    Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

    Do we have to make soap and beat ourselves up now?



    *******************************************************************************************




    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

  • Options
    Sweetie, please do yourself a favor and get out of this relationship. This isn't healthy. You need to do this for your own sanity.
  • Options
    You may need this number: 1−800−799−SAFE

    If these ideas are going through your mind at the rate that it sounds they are, you may be in an emotionally (or other) damaging relationship.

    Get help.  Get out.
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • Options
    I did not get a single question wrong on the Reading Comprehension section of the LSAT...and I have no idea what the hell you just wrote.

    My advice?  Forget about your relationship.  Go back to school.  Learn how to write.
  • Options
    Sounds like everyone else has pretty much hit the nail on the head.  This is not a healthy relationship.  In fact, it sounds emotionally abusive and it seems to be teetering towards physically abusive as well.  Get the hell out.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    Sorry, but screw counseling. Leave him. Find someone who doesn't need to "test" you and who is motivated to try. If he isn't even attempting to put your relationship first, there is nothing there worth saving.

    This. You shouldn't have to "mother" him.
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    bbbb78bbbb78 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited May 2013
    life will inevitably test your relationship.  constructing situations that "test" your relationship is a method to find a way out of it.  constructing obstacles is a sign of not trusting yourself or your SO and it sounds like there are some good reasons why this trust can't be forged between the two of you.

    i absolutely agree with previous posters.  get out of this relationship and you will have the opportunity to find someone who will prove themselves with the tests life throws your way.

  • Options
    Zombie thread!!

    It took so long for TK to reinstate the option to sort by recent activity that I forgot about zombie threads.
  • Options
    Elle1036 said:
    Zombie thread!! It took so long for TK to reinstate the option to sort by recent activity that I forgot about zombie threads.
    Me too! I opened this up and was so confused for a moment about what this thread was!


  • Options
    bbbb78bbbb78 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    sorry!  new to posting!  saw this thread on the front page of NEY and didn't notice it was old!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards