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SIL drama - long

So come to find out that my SIL may be preventing my brother from helping my mother, who has stage IV ovarian cancer from getting to my wedding, which she is desperate to attend but cannot really drive herself to.  

Backstory - I live in Ohio and have for most of my adult life (18 years), my mother, brother, and everyone else live in central Illinois. 

So it seems that my SIL is holding a grudge because when her mother died I didnt send a card, or call, or send a text.  However, when her mother died, I wasn't really talking to my brother or my mom for a number of reasons which really dont need to be discussed, as well as at the same time, it was during the collapse of my first marriage, and my MIL from my first marriage died as well, so I was really dealing with a lot of issues of my own, on my own without a lot of family support.  So while I vaguely knew that her mom had died, it really was only a blip on my radar.  I have can probably count on my two hands the number of times that I have actually spent more than 30 minute with my SIL. 

My mom expressed to me that she really wants my brother to help her get to the wedding, instead of spending an exhorbiant (sp?) amount of a plane ticket, with a number of layovers, but the SIL is still holding a grudge over something that my mom has tried to tell her that is not my normal self and that I had a lot going on in my own life?  And that my SIL doesnt even know me, so how can she judge me? 

Re: SIL drama - long

  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re: SIL drama - long:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: SIL drama - long : Why is it his responsibility to drive his mother to OP's wedding?  I don't hear that he's refusing to help out his mom.  I hear that OP planned a wedding far from family (knowing her mom would have to rely on someone that's unreliable in order to attend) and is now expecting her brother, with whom she has no relationship, to drop everything to make sure her mom can attend.  Why is it brother's responsibility to make sure mom can attend?  Why wasn't it OP's responsibility to plan a wedding in a location where mother could attend without jumping through a whole bunch of hoops to get there? Did you read OP's previous post?  The issue wasn't even that her mom wanted to come.  It's that OP wants a picture of her, her mom, and her brother to keep after her mom passes, and that picture MUST be taken at her wedding.  Brother and mom live near each other and OP is unwilling to go to them to have the picture taken  Why does it fall on brother to make that happen?  Also please note in the previous thread OP mentioned that her SIL has some health problems, which have pretty much drained her brother financially.  Why is his responsibility to his mother first and his wife second?
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    I did not see OP's previous post (or I don't remember).  I just saw it as the mother asking the brother to help her get to the wedding and him refusing because of a feud with his sister.  If OP asked the brother and is expecting him to do it and he is refusing, that is a horse of a different colour altogether.  I also was unaware of the SIL's health problems.  Apparently I made an assumption and a hasty judgement call, without having OP's previous post info. 



  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re: SIL drama - long:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: SIL drama - long : This.   ETA:  Accidentally posted in the middle. FIL is horribly declining health.  All he wants in the world is for H and I to take off work for 3 or 4 days so that we can load up his van and drive him to some swapmeet out in Oklahoma, sell stuff for him while he visits with his junk jockey buddies, and sleep in his van (because he thinks getting a hotel is stupid).  Us not accomodating this wish does NOT make us jerks (or maybe it does?).  We're not talking about a son refusing to help his mother get lifesaving treatment or visit her deathbed here.  Dying does not give you carte blanche to completely disrupt and derail someone else's life over a whim.    
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I get where you are coming from (and I just posted responding to PP about how I didn't know all the info apparently), but I was seeing it as the brother refusing his mother's request to attend her daughter's wedding, and a wedding is a big deal.  A swap meet in Oklahoma - I wouldn't place it on the same priority, so no, I'm not calling you a jerk. 

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