Maids & hair!

LAM524

Hello all,

This may seem like a no brainer but I must ask because I dont know. ( guess I have no brain) Are you having your bridesmaids all do the same hairstyle? I was asked by one of my maids this morning and I honestly havent given it much thought, until now. My first thought is that I have no preference ..whatever they want and choose to do is fine...thinking they would be more comfortable with their preference. I know there are no "wrongs" but is it wrong to have different styles? Should they be more uniformed? I have 11 bridesmaid and 3 have a short style/cut so if I request up dos...Im not sure they have enough hair for it. Yes...I am probably over thinking this now!!!! Also, one of the bridesmaids is my FI 14 yr old daughter. Her mother/his ex is a hair stylist. Trust me, ex would not hesitate to show up "just to do her hair"....and could very well plant her butt in a chair during ceremony. How the heck do I approach this with his daughter? I very well cant say your mother cant do your hair! Thats so wrong! So..is there a nicer way to take that option off the table? Believe me...this is a realistic concern. A part of me thinks if ex plants herself thats on her! Whatever feelings she experiences will be her fault...and rightfully so! BUT....on the other hand, I dont want the distraction...worry...concern. Appreciate advice!

MairePoppy

It looks ridiculous to have a bunch of women of various face shapes, hair type in the same hair style. Let the bms style their hair however they wish. If you're booking a hair dresser, you could give the bms prices for that service and make sure they know it's optional. They can either meet you at the salon or do their own hair at home. You and Fi should pay for Fi's daughter's hair if she opts for the salon. Otherwise, her mom can do her hair at home. If it looks like the ex is planning to attend the wedding, Fi should let her know that's not an option. 

calliopeia2013

You're overthinking. 

If anything, it is wrong to have all of your bridesmaids have the same style- the same style doesn't always look good on everybody (i.e. updos will not look good on shorthaired people), and honestly I think it's super-weird to have your bridesmaids look like little cookie cutter people.  Let them wear their hair however they want.

I assume the ex is not invited to the wedding, right?  I think it's very, very unlikely that she'll try to sneak into a wedding she's not invited to.  Why would she do that?

RaptorSLH

Let them make their own hair choices.  You chose them because they as individuals mean something to you, so let them look like individuals, not cardboard props.  Plus, if you demand a specific professional hairstyle, then you have to pay.

As for the hairstylist ex, methinks if she is not invited, your FI will have custody that day?  Pay for the daughter to get her hair done with you.  Tell the bridesmaids where you are getting your hair done, and the prices, and leave it up to them to decide who would like to join you.  (Some of them will.)  Then, if the ex tries to offer, you can say thanks, but no thanks, she's having her hair done with the girls.

LAM524

Thanks ladies....I also do not like cookie cutter!!! I completely agree that individualism is the best! True to persons they are!!! As for ex...no she is not invited...and yes she would show. She often shows at things. The childrens events, of course she would attend...but she plants herself right next to us...(his parents sit with us) and its extremely uncomfortable and awkward for all of us. She, not invited, showed up at his sisters baby shower....Christmas at his dads etc. Fi has addressed this with her asking her to back away but that gives her more motive! I told her not to say anything anymore..not to empower her. . Her mentality is that we could all be a family and has expressed that in the future she would like to see us all spend holidays together, at her house. Truth is, she is an extreme liar. Extreme. Puts in motion horrible, potentially destructive lies. At one point, her lies cost him his job. Well, he resigned but the lies put him on "probation" and he chose to leave because they didnt consult with him for truths/facts. He also left her.  She is def. harmful. Wolf in sheep skin. btw..after he left the job...a WEEK later, they found out the truths and announced (public) that they made a great mistake in the way they handled it. It was all so sad.

It is strange, I cant quite figure out why she wants all this closeness. (nothing to do with children). Really wish I could grasp it. Me...my FI...my ex....we finction in the "exes are exes for a reason" and dont desire to play in the sand together. We are civil...no reason not to be...but his life is his and ours is ours. Normal right? Oh boy..Ive gone off here! Anyway, yes...she could very well show.

I think a safe approach to daughter would be giving 2 choices: Either she can do her own hair or we can get it done! Right? Then there is no option for Mom to do! (and keep our fingers crossed she doesnt "make a quick trip to venue because DD forget something )

LAM524

yes Retread! Absolutely!!! Thanks! Agree!

RaptorSLH

Does your venue have any security or staff?  If you really think she may try to crash the event, provide them with a picture and warn them she may need to be kept out.

There's a daughter involved, so for her sake it would be best to stay civil.  But, as you said, ex is an ex for a reason, so civil is as far as it needs to go.

LAM524

Yes..there is security at venue and having DD stay at FL parents house the night before is def. on our radar. Hoping he can also bring her to rehearsal dinner and venue early day of wedding.