Newly engaged and new to the Knot, already dealing with wedding stress. Can I vent here?

JackieOhYeah

My Fiance and I just recently got engaged, our situation is a little unique because we have a 3 year old and have basically been living as a married couple for over 4 years now. The reason we waited so long was I didn't really see the need and our families are very different culturally and religiously. This made me a little nervous and I knew that planning a wedding would probably be stressful so I have been looking into eloping or destination weddings to keep it low key and simple, however I haven't ruled out traditional weddings. A part of me is really starting to want one but I worry about how well  extended family members and friends might get along.

I spoke with my Mother today about all of my concerns and she blew up at me. She told me if we don't have a traditional wedding the way my culture expects (Russian American) then she will be embarrassed and insulted. In her eyes not having a wedding is basically saying I don't think our friends and family are good enough or that my parents can afford to throw us a wedding.This really has nothing to do with budget, we were planning on paying for it ourselves since we can afford to and we're not starting out the traditional way but she won't hear of it. 

Anyways she has flipped her lid and went off on me, now I just feel really down in the dumps about all of this. Thanks for letting me vent..

swimmingcarp

This. My life. Well, the first part. Our daughter will turn two exactly one week after our wedding next June. I proposed to him Saturday (May 4th) and we've been living together since June of 2011. I've got the opposite problem with my mom. Whenever I want something particularly traditional, I often get told that it's "tacky" because of our situation. Even that I shouldn't wear true white, but she didn't push that one. Anyway, I think ivory is prettier. But less than a week into it (his parents don't even know cause his extended family is coming in this coming weekend for his college graduation so we're telling them all together Saturday) and I'm already stressing over things. Luckily, I want a more non-traditional wedding anyway.

Hang in there! You're paying, so you get final say, but perhaps try to mix tradition to compromise.

Loopyseven

Slightly different situation but similar in the vein of having different expectations for a wedding.  My cousin (first wedding) and her husband (2nd wedding) determined that they'd do a destination wedding - less formal than a traditional thing - but invite everyone they would have wanted for a traditional wedding.  Of course they were willing and able to pay for the reception there had everyone on their list decided to attend, but she wore a beautiful dress, their son "gave her away" (he was ~3) then played in the sand nearby during the ceremony then they had a fairly "typical" reception with dinner and dancing at the resort and from what I'm told everyone who went had a great time.  

EPalmer2013

First, congrats on your engagement!  

Second, I agree with those that said if your are paying, your choices!  My fiance and I were going to go destination but my parents didn't like the destination so we compromised and are staying local but keeping the ceremony small (as originally intended). Holy headache batman!  We are getting all kinds of grief but it is our day.  We are paying for everything but the food at the reception which is up to my parents. 

I finally got sick of everyone laying on a guilt trip and basically responded this is the way WE want to do it.  (We've been living together for 4 years as well, but no kids yet).

Good luck!! Just remember what it is all about and make sure that you do what you want.  You would hate to look back and say you wish you had done it your own way. 

P.S. This has been the best place to vent!

JackieoOh

Thanks for the advice, sorry I never really followed up just super busy!