Blended Families & Money

charm city mama

How do you handle finances?  Do you have a system for who pays for what?  What about the stuff for the kids?  Camps, braces, etc.?

Jells2dot0

I do not have any kids, but DH does. So, I guess that makes it a little easier! We do not share any bank accounts or credit cards. We divided up our bills based on income. We essentially make almost the same, so it's almost even. We also work at the same place, so we each have our own medical insurance. He pays for the house, utilities, any expenses with his rental property, and any obligations he has for his kids (which aren't many since they are over 18). I pay for our cars, our security system, and most of our daily expenses (eating out, groceries.) I also pay for all of our travel. We each pay for our own car insurance and medical expenses (doctors, prescriptions.) This method works out SO well for us. We trust that we each pay all of our bills on time, we are both somewhat conservative finacially and have strong saving habits (we both contribute to 401Ks and we both have auto transfers into savings accounts,) and we can spend our "extra" money however we see fit. We both have an understanding that if we have any large purchases, we talk about it first.

right1thistime

I am in the seperate camp as well.  I have kids, he doesn't.  I paid for the kid's expenses.  I carry the health insurance, since I needed to cover the kids anyway, I had to have a family plan.  We split most day to day expenses, but more by "you take this, I'll take that".  Big expenses we split 50/50, even travel, unless one of us is treating the other as a gift.  We pay our own cars, insurance, etc.  Simple & neat. 

radleyboo

I am on the other side of the fence with these gals.  FI and I share everything from a standpoint of our household.  Both of our paychecks go into ONE checking account, and we have ONE savings account.  All of the household bills come from the checking account.  We communicate constantly about our finances, always discuss any 'large' purchases up front (anything over a couple hundred bucks or so), so there are no surprises.  What's mine is his, what's his is mine. 

For now, the one exception is Health Insurance.  Because we are not married yet, we each have our own policies through our respective employers.  I insure my children, he insures his son.  When we marry, we will go onto one policy, eliminating one premium. and all of the children will be insured there.  As for things like camp, medical expenses, etc. for the kids, we share those expenses with our ex-spouses, but those funds come from the household account.  We look at all of the children as 'ours' and support them accordingly.  

Find the system that works best for you, but no matter what, always communicate.  Money can be a sticky subject, but it doesn't have to be.  

debbiem56

I am so frustrated right now.  We keep separate accounts and divided up the bills. The house is mine, but he is on the insurance to protect his personal property.  Well, our basement flooded last week and the insurance check comes made out to both of us.  No problem, he signs the back of it and I take it to deposit it into my checking account.  No can do, he has to be present.  With me working 2 additional part-time jobs it is no easy feat for us to get to the bank together.  Not her fault, but I blew up at my regular bank teller and walked out.

radleyboo

That's a strange rule...  Go back in and apologize to her at some point.  She'll appreciate it.  

Jells2dot0

debbiem56 said:

I am so frustrated right now.  We keep separate accounts and divided up the bills. The house is mine, but he is on the insurance to protect his personal property.  Well, our basement flooded last week and the insurance check comes made out to both of us.  No problem, he signs the back of it and I take it to deposit it into my checking account.  No can do, he has to be present.  With me working 2 additional part-time jobs it is no easy feat for us to get to the bank together.  Not her fault, but I blew up at my regular bank teller and walked out.

what? That seems insane. I often get checks in both of our names (and even one recently with my XH's name on it because I kept his name on the electric bill) and have NEVER had any issues with depositing the money. Also, my Stepdaughter deposits checks with her mom's name on it all of the time. She can do it since her mom's name is on the account. I recommend just taking it and depositing it at the ATM.

debbiem56

We are going to try to get to the bank together tomorrow night, but if not, then I will go to the ATM.  The teller said something about because it is an insurance check?

handfast4me

I'm in the seperate camp, too.  We have our own banks, bank accounts, etc.  We used to have two houses, and I paid everything on one, he paid everything on the other.  Now we own only one house since we sold mine, but we stay in an apartment during the week, and I cover all those expenses.  There are things we share, like we split the new roof costs 50/50, but then his car got stolen, so I stepped in and paid a bit more of the roof costs.  I have a daughter, but she's grown and has a family of her own; any gifts, etc. I cover. 

Mikesgal419

FI and I are going to combine our finances, but child support from my ex is going into a seperate account for the kids. For school, braces, clothes, etc. I'll have cotrol over that. That's pretty much it.

MikesAngie

It took us a while but we combined our accounts.  We talked a lot about how we would handle our finances before hand though. 

JillianNJohn

FI and I have our own checking and savings accounts, our own credit cards, cars are in our own names (we had to bc we each bought a brand new vehicle within 4 mos of each other). We will continue separate accounts but both names will be on each one for emergencies and necessity. He is paid 2x a month, i am paid 2x a month plus i receive support payments 2x a month. So between us that is 6 income deposits every 30 days, its too much for us to keep track of.

For Expenses I pay the internet and TV, my student loans, car pmt, credit cards, etc. He pays all his stuff, plus the rest of the bills and I write him a check each month for half the Rent. We've been doing this for a few years and it seems to work.

For kids medical bills, larger expenses, etc, my ex husband is court ordered to pay HALF. He gives me his half and FI usually helps with part of it too. For example, $600 on school clothes last summer (I have 3 sons from my first marriage). EX gave me $300, FI bought their shoes ($125) and I paid the rest. If one of the kids needs shoes, a jacket, new backpack, etc FI will just go take care of it if I cant at the time.

 

We have our own money but we always help the other too. I pay the house keeper, he pays the dog groomer the pest control. I usually pay the grocery bill but its not uncommon for him to leave $$ on the fridge or send me with his debit card.

We have NO intent on merging our accounts anytime soon. And we have an agreement we cant get a credit card without talking to the other person. I agreed to it mostly for his insecurities. His ex always said she only had TWO. In their divorce it had to be disclosed bc she was trying to keep the house. She had to prove to him she could afford it, and it came out that she had NINE maxed out credit cards.

JillianNJohn

Debbie, I can sooo relate. Try this one on for size. My ex filed a suit against B of A bc of our foreclosure during our divorce. The notice stated if you have divorced, file separately and the check will come to each of you. I filed mine separately too (we lost the house due to financial hard ship bc of the divorce). We got a check... or should i say HE got a check payable to BOTH of us. Were civil but are never in the same room for more than 5 minutes for a reason. Pick up and Drop off of the kids is casual, they come running outside, etc. I dont go in his house, he doesnt go in mine... I get to go to the bank with him and stand in an insane line this weekend just to get my $$.

 

sorry about the flooding. You may want to consider adding his name to the acct just for these reasons. Thats why FI and I are adding one another.

Sue-n-Kevin

We have everything separate because he still has all the same bills we had before our wedding and so do I. His house is underwater, owes more than the sale price by a mile, and we are living in my house ("our house", but in my name). His 20 y/o daughter with 2 kids under the age of 3 is living in his house Scott free with no job or schooling plans. It sucks, but I've told him she needs to have an end game simply for herself and her kids. I honestly don't care that he has all those bills because since he's moved in, nothing is costing me more. Each of us grocery shops for things we want, and I do "big meal shopping" when I'm planning meals.

"Joint expenses" we split in a fair way. I buy the 6 game seasonal packet of Detroit Tiger tickets, he pays for parking, food and beer when we go. I plan all the vacations we take and pay for the airfares & hotels, he pays for expenses when we get there.

The nicest thing that has changed is that I and my daughter are now on his Tricare health  insurance that he has as a military vet (22 years in the Air Force). That has helped my budget a LOT due to the fact I no longer have to pay $5000 a year for health insurance for my daughter and myself.

We did have to open one joint savings account with a minimum balance in order to deposit/cash our wedding checks made out to both of us. But I just maintain the balance and never touch it.

 

debbiem56

Sue, I was trying to figure out how to post something similar.  We keep ours separate because his house is under water and we have been trying to deal with the bank our entire marriage to get rid of it.  He may be forced to file bankruptcy and I don't want my stuff or credit dragged in.  So, everything is separate, assets and bills.  We just divided up the monthly living expenses as best we could since we make about the same now.  He didn't work the first year, so not only did I pay most of the expenses then, but I also had the payroll deduction for healthcare.  Now, we are on his healthcare as it is better.

Marrin713

Ang, how are YOU???

I give H "x" amount every month and he deals with mortage and bills.  As far as gifts go, if it's for his family or friends, he pays; same goes for my side.  Works out well for us.

beautifulmama28

As of right now we have separate accounts...we split the rent (although we rely on the bulk of it to come from his) we share the utilities,...but I buy all the food because while we have 7 of our 9 kids fulltime, they are all mine from my first marriage. (grocery bill runs about $350 a week). We each pay our own gas...he covers the auto insurance, I have the only car payment.

We will merge both of our paychecks soon (once we have time to open a joint account) but I'll keep my CP separate (I use that mainly for groceries, kids co pays, clothes, etc). I have no medical insurance but will once we are married, he's a disabled vet and has coverage. My kids are all covered by their dad.

MikesAngie

Marrin?  "Ang, how are YOU???" was that aimed at me? I haz confuse....