Looking for advice on ceremony/reception

CaseyN125

My FI and I are both Jewish, but both observe at different levels.  We both have family members who are very religious that will be attending our wedding and we are stuck on how to proceed.  

Out of our 200 guests, 10 keep kosher (and my FFIL is a vegan).  We weren't sure whether to have an entirely kosher wedding to accommodate those few guests, or if it would be acceptable to offer a vegan option (which we will be catering out for so we can ensure that it is kosher) as the kosher option.  It would save a lot of money for us to not have a kosher wedding, but we aren't sure if the extra money will be worth making our family upset.  

For our ceremony, my FI and I are having a difficult time deciding what would be best for us.  I would prefer a more traditional ceremony, and we would like a more relaxed one that we can personalize.  If anyone has any experience with combining the two, I would love to hear about it! 

reebsreebs

Does your venue or officiant require a kosher caterer? How kosher are those 10 folks- as vegan i not kosher.  I went to a wedding once where the couple brought in a kosher meal from a different caterer just for the few people who requested it- the person sitting next to me got his meal wrapped in foil and hot, but was certified kosher and not the food the rest of us were eating.

 

As for the ceremony, what do you mean by "traditional" or "relaxed"? You can do both.

CaseyN125

We aren't getting married in a shul but the venue is not decided on yet. I didn't think about the fish option, ill have to talk to the family about it and see what they are comfortable with.

SereneTiger

I'm in a similar situation as well. We have all ranges of keeping kosher within both our families (with mine being much more observant) and we're having a tough time finding a kosher caterer and most of the venues we've looked at don't allow outside catering and said they could do 'kosher-style' but not kosher even though I said my Rabbi could come in and kosher the kitchens. Since we don't want kosher-style, it's really tough. I did find that most of the places the prices were about the same for the regular and kosher meals so that's not really the issue.

Since it is such a small number that would require kosher, you could bring in food for them, though I know some people would be upset about that option and don't like the 'extra' attention.  

pjudef

I only eat strictly kosher - and I was once a guest at an interfaith wedding which did not serve kosher food but where a kosher meal was provided for me and a few other kosher guests. Since it was at a hotel that had a separate kosher kitchen, my food was brought to my table by a mashgiach (a kosher supervisor) but on kosher dishes so it didnt look that different from other guests' plates. 

I've also been to affairs where my food was wrapped up airplane-flood style. And I must say, I really didn't enjoy the stares as I was opening up the layers of wrapping. 

RebeccaDW

We debated between a kosher meat wedding and a vegetarian event. We felt we could provide more delicious and exciting food if we went vegetarian, whereas if we spent a lot on kosher meat we felt it would be hard for us to afford exciting dishes. (This still reflects the way we keep kosher in our own home, which is also important to us.) So that's our plan!

I would serve a meal that suits your way of keeping kosher (whatever that is) and provide a good option for those who have different requirements. About 10 of our family members will need kosher meals. Our venue said they have an arrangement with another company and will be able to provide kosher meals and dishes for them.

Re: ceremony - have you sat down and come up with ideas that reflect "relaxed" or "traditional" for you? They're not opposites and mean different things to different people, so if you come up with specifics it'll be easier to see how to combine. One suggestion I've seen is to use traditional Hebrew wording and then interpretive English wording - so you have the formal Hebrew text but also creativity and personalization. We might do this for the ketubah. Our chuppah is not his tallis (traditional - but what about my tallis? Mine's prettier, anyway! :-) ) but will be a handmade quilt that one of my bridesmaids is making, which will become our bedspread after our wedding. It won't be formally Jewish but will be deeply meaningful. We've got a traditional Jewish ceremony but have decided on a buffet meal at the reception because it's more relaxed and we prefer buffets anyway. The more we plan the more easily these decisions fall into place. :-)

casey8784

I'm in the same boat as you! My fiance's family is more observant than mine, and there's about 10 or so people that will require Kosher meals. The venue we chose is not Kosher, but we are doing it Kosher-style, and then having however many Kosher meals brought in for those who require one. Luckily, my future brother-in-law is a Kosher caterer outside of Boston, so he's going to be doing those meals as a "gift" for us!