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Help! Am I being over dramatic and what should I do?

So, a little background to our situation.  My fiance and I share this account because with our schedules, we'd never be able to plan the wedding if we didnt both get involved.  He's great, and enjoys doing it and helping, so it could be either one of us answering your questions or posts. So, my family doesn't have a whole lot of money, so we are going to be mostly funding this wedding ourselves.  We talking to his parents about our budget concerns and they have been great.  They are throwing us an engagement party and have been super suportive and have been saying things like "oh don't worry, we'll make sure you get what is right", and "we woudn't let you settle for something" but have not given us a solid idea about how much they are willing to help.  We've tried bringing it up a few times, but have really felt akward because they have already done so much for us both since we've been engaged and throughout our relationship.

Now, for the good stuff.  My fiance and I started looking at halls finally and absolutly fell in love with one.  It have everything we are looking for and more.  They are a catering hall, resturaunt, and hotel all on the same grounds which is perfect.  We always envisioned a wedding where we could party the night away, head to the hotel bar, and keep the party going and then have the hotel right there. This place is all of that and it also happens to be absolutely gorgeous. They price is great, but there are two small problems, and both stem from his parents....now don't get me wrong, they aren't ruining my day, or life, or anything like that, infact we asked them for advice, but it now seems like unless these two problems are solved, they wont support this place. 

1. They think that baby lamb chops should be on the passed hor dourves menu
2. They think with a 3PM ceremony, a 7:30 start time for the cocktail hour is too late because we have a lot of guest coming from a distance and will have nothing to do for 3 hours betweent he mass and the cocktail hour.

(P.S. I know the first one is kind of ridiculous, but is the 2nd one a valid concern?)

Now, unfortunately the hall is not willing to budge on either option.  They offered us the lamb chops at an additional $1600 but will not move the time up an extra half hour for ANYTHING.  My fiance called them to speak about both situations and was basically told "If you dont like what we are offering, we will find someone who does."  We really love this place, and would love to have our reception there, however, we have not been treated well, and are beinging to be very turned off.

Please help us!!!


Re: Help! Am I being over dramatic and what should I do?

  • rajahmdrajahmd member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Yes, the gap is a bad idea.  If there is a gap, you should host something during that time.  Could you use this venue and have the reception start at the earliest time possible, plus host a finger food and drinks setup in a room in the hotel? Hotels usually have rooms designed for such purposes for guests to use.  It could fill the gap between the ceremony and reception and hopefully not break the bank.

    Your only other option is to find a different venue.  Gaps are not acceptable without something hosted during that time.  Your parents are right, your guests will be uncomfortable, especially those from out of town.
    Anniversary
  • That gap is horrible.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • 1) "I'm sorry M&D, that's just not in our budget."  If they care about it so much, they can offer to pay for it on their own.
    2) Gaps are impolite and inconvenient for guests.  If you want a 7:30 cocktail hour and have a 45 minute ceremony + 15 minutes to drive from ceremony to reception, you would need a 6:30 ceremony.  Your options are to find a new venue or move your ceremony time.

    Since you parents have not offered a specified dollar amount or to pay for a certain aspect of the wedding, assume you are paying for it yourselves.  Anything they end up giving will be a bonus.
  • The lamb chops are something I'd give into them on. It's really NBD in the grand scheme of things. They are absolutely right. That gap is horrible, and incredibly rude to your OIT guests. If the venue won't change the time the reception starts, then move back your ceremony. Ideally, you should have a gap of time equal to the time it will take the guests to get from the ceremony to the reception. So if the reception venue wot allow you to start cocktail hour until 7.30, have a 6.30 ceremony. Problem solved.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re: Help! Am I being over dramatic and what should I do?:
    [QUOTE]1) "I'm sorry M&D, that's just not in our budget."  If they care about it so much, they can offer to pay for it on their own. 2) Gaps are impolite and inconvenient for guests.  If you want a 7:30 cocktail hour and have a 45 minute ceremony + 15 minutes to drive from ceremony to reception, you would need a 6:30 ceremony.  Your options are to find a new venue or move your ceremony time. Since you parents have not offered a specified dollar amount or to pay for a certain aspect of the wedding, assume you are paying for it yourselves.  Anything they end up giving will be a bonus.
    Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

    I definitely agree with the bolded. Until they have physically given you money/paid a vendor, it is best to assume that you will be paying for everything yourselves.

    The gap is a problem for your guests - that is too much time for your guests to be left to their own devices. Can you change your ceremony time? That seems to be the best way to be able to use this dream venue. If you can't, I would keep looking.
  • In Response to Re:Help! Am I being over dramatic and what should I do?:
    [QUOTE]The lamb chops are something I'd give into them on. It's really NBD in the grand scheme of things. They are absolutely right. That gap is horrible, and incredibly rude to your OIT guests. If the venue won't change the time the reception starts, then move back your ceremony. Ideally, you should have a gap of time equal to the time it will take the guests to get from the ceremony to the reception. So if the reception venue wot allow you to start cocktail hour until 7.30, have a 6.30 ceremony. Problem solved.
    Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE]

    Um, IF they're paying for them, which the OP has no idea for sure if they are.  If they're not paying, I wouldn't call $1600 for one app "NBD".

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re:Help! Am I being over dramatic and what should I do?:
    [QUOTE]The lamb chops are something I'd give into them on. It's really NBD in the grand scheme of things. They are absolutely right. That gap is horrible, and incredibly rude to your OIT guests. If the venue won't change the time the reception starts, then move back your ceremony. Ideally, you should have a gap of time equal to the time it will take the guests to get from the ceremony to the reception. So if the reception venue wot allow you to start cocktail hour until 7.30, have a 6.30 ceremony. Problem solved.
    Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE]

    OP said that this was a Catholic ceremony, so I'm assuming they can't move the ceremony time.  3:00pm for a ceremony is pretty standard for most churches since they need to be able to get ready for saturday evening mass.

    To be honest, OP, I think you should find a new venue.  Our Catholic ceremony is really early too, so we needed to start our reception by 4:00pm.  We had to cross a lot of really nice venues off of our list because of that.  It sucks, but it's not the end of the world.

    I think that even if you host something inbetween, it's still going to be a 3 hour gap most likely.  That's super late.  If you can start dinner right at that time, then I guess you could have just a really long cocktail "hour" somewhere else in the hotel.  Otherwise, I wouldn't make my guests wait all that time, even if I was offering refreshments somewhere else, just for cocktail hour to start so late.

    Your ceremony and your guests' comfort should be more important.

    SaveSave
  • 1) That's ridiculous and a little bizarre.  If they want that app, they can pay for it.  Don't count on them to pay for anything until they write you a check.  It sounds like you hinted about asking them to help pay.  They may be making these vague statements because they don't know how to tell you no.  

    2) Gaps are rude.  If you can't move your ceremony, you need to find a venue that will let you start at 4:00.  Yes, it means you might not get the prettiest venue in town, but taking care of your guests is more important than pretty chandeliers.  Expecting people to wait around is not ok.  
  • Cross that venue off your list and find one for all your guests starting at 4:00 or 4:30.
  • I would also be really, really curious why the venue won't move the reception time.  Is there another event beforehand?  Well then, how will you get in to decorate? 

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Some of the venues around here have two events, a day one and an evening one.

    For example, the day one might run from 11-4, then they take down that event and set up the next event from 4-6, then the evening event is from 6-whenever.

    But 7:30 is pretty late.  The only venues that wouldn't let us start until that time were venues that were open to the public during the day, like the zoo and the museums around here.  They all do receptions, but only starting after they close, around 7 or 8.

    SaveSave
  • Please don't have a gap like that.  Two of the last three weddings I've attended have had time gaps and as an out-of-towner, it was pretty awkward, boring and uncomfortable.  One of them was a surprise gap, too, because the invite said "reception to immediately follow at blah blah hall, then we got there and no one else was there, and an employee at the hall told us the cocktail hour wouldn't be for another hour or so.  Awful.  Please consider how your schedule will affect the guests.
  • I've been to one wedding when there was a long gap between wedding and reception. It was really difficult for those of us from out of town to fill the time and come up with things to do in the small town. It also meant we had to stay another day. Overall, the flow of the wedding didn't go well.

    I'd recommend finding another venue.
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