Wedding Party

Who pays for what?

I am trying to work out the financial details of my wedding. The bridesmaid dress I have been looking at are a little on the expensive side. But, I would also like them to wear matching shoes or jewelry which would also double as their wedding party favors. Anyways, do I budget out so that I expect them to purchase their own dress? Or do I chip in up to a certain point (for example: 75% of the cost?)? Or do I ask them to pay and then let them know that we can assist if they are having trouble paying for it?

Re: Who pays for what?

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Who pays for what?:
    [QUOTE]I am trying to work out the financial details of my wedding. The bridesmaid dress I have been looking at are a little on the expensive side. But, I would also like them to wear matching shoes or jewelry which would also double as their wedding party favors. Anyways, do I budget out so that I expect them to purchase their own dress? Or do I chip in up to a certain point (for example: 75% of the cost?)? Or do I ask them to pay and then let them know that we can assist if they are having trouble paying for it?
    Posted by awebb04[/QUOTE]
    Ask them each individually how much they want to pay for their dress. Find a dress in their budget, taking added costs like alterations into account. If you want them to wear a dress over their budget, you need to pay the extra cost.

    Any accessories like shoes or jewelry should be paid for by you, if you are making it mandatory to wear specific items to your wedding. These are not gifts or favors to them, though. Since it's for YOUR wedding that you are making them wear these accessories to, they are gifts for yourself, basically.
    Some brides opt to let their girls pick out their own shoes in a neutral color. This way the bridesmaids can pick out and pay for their own shoes. Same with the jewelry.
    image
  • You ask them individually what they think is reasonable and can afford.  If you want something more expensive, YOU pay the difference for them.  If you want specific shoes, makeup, hair jewelry, YOU pay for that, because it just gets demanding and excessive otherwise.  

    I plan on paying for my BM dresses because I know what I want will be unreasonable to them, and I don't want my nearest and dearest to freak out about the costs.  I just want them to look gorgeous and still be debt free after my wedding! ; )  
    image

    Previously Alaynajuliana


  • Jewelry and shoes YOU choose and want them to wear is not a gift. 
  • Ditto PPs. Ask each girl privately what her budget is and then choose a dress that comes in under the lowest price point, and anything you want them to wear in the wedding is not a gift for them, it's a gift for you b/c it's the look you want. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • To break down what everyone else said into a single post:

    1. The BMs set the dress budget, not you.  Ask each of them, privately and individually, what their budget is.  The lowest number becomes your budget.  If you're dead set on a dress that's higher than that budget, you can offer to pay the difference between each dress and the budget amount.

    2. Anything beyond the cost of the dress should be paid for by you.  Shoes, jewelry, accessories, hair styling (if you're asking them to get it done a certain way)- all of that is paid for by you.  The lower cost way to do this is to ask each of them to wear something of a similar style that they already own (e.g. ask everyone to wear a certain color shoe, or a certain style jewelry).

    3. If you're requiring them to wear it in the wedding, it isn't a favor.  You can certainly buy them all matching jewelry, but if the intent is to have them wear it for the wedding, that's a gift to yourself as much as to them, and you should also get them some sort of additional favor.  If they all happen to love exactly the same kind of jewelry, and you want to get them all matching necklaces as favors, you can do that, if you give them the choice of whether they want to wear it in the wedding or wear something of their own.

    Make sense?
  • First, stop looking at BM dresses until you ask each of your girls individually what their dress budget is.  The lowest price you get is the price you stay within.  That is unless you want to pony up the cash and pay for all of their dresses yourself.

    Any matching jewelry and shoes should be bought and paid for by you and should not count as their wedding gift.  If you are requiring them to wear those items in your wedding then they are more a gift for yourself so your pictures look pretty then a gift for your girls.  A BM gift should be something individually geared towards each girl.  You should buy for them like it is their birthday or Christmas and it should have nothing to do with your wedding what so ever.

  • Thanks for all the advice.

    I guess I have just never heard of that type of etiquette before. I've been a bridesmaid twice before and both times I was never consulted about that price of the dress. Just told a price range and asked if I needed assistance. And I did get a gorgeous pair of shoes to wear at one of the weddings as a favor as well as jewlery one time. I had just thought it was a very sweet favor from the bride to give us a beautiful bracelet (each with our names) and a pair of ballet slippers.
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Who pays for what?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Who pays for what? : Okay so you are going to get hounded by this questions but since you asked...  If you want them to wear matching shoes/hair/makeup/jewelry, YOU are suppose to pay for them, because they are for you not for them.  --Which is what I am doing for my girls, I want them to all wear the same shoe and have the same hair so I'm paying, now they don't want me too and they keep saying they will pay for their own and wear whatever I want them to, but we are a bunch of poor college students, so I have am paying for the extras because I did not want any of them to dip into their school savings.  If you want them to wear matching jewelry, it can not be counted as their gift, because gifts are suppose to be like a X-mas or B-day present.  --My girls are getting necklaces that I have personalized for each girl (they all wear them so I knew it would be a great gift). Now they can wear it to the wedding or not, I don't care.  I also helped out with each BM dress. I picked out a more expensive dress than what we had originally talked about and I paid the difference. If you want a more expensive than what is in their budget then you should pay the difference. And I would offer to help if one of my BMs were having problems paying for anything. I just want them there with me.  --In all I am spending about $100 per girl. That is their gift, shoes, hair, and dress money. I have 4 BMs so thats $400 dollars, I didn't really budget it but we got unexpected money from my dad and FILs so I decided to help them.
    Posted by PrincessNickyJ13[/QUOTE]

    Are you actually demanding that your bridesmaids all wear their hair in an identical manner of your  choosing??

  • In Response to Re: Who pays for what?:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the advice. I guess I have just never heard of that type of etiquette before. I've been a bridesmaid twice before and both times I was never consulted about that price of the dress. Just told a price range and asked if I needed assistance. And I did get a gorgeous pair of shoes to wear at one of the weddings as a favor as well as jewlery one time. I had just thought it was a very sweet favor from the bride to give us a beautiful bracelet (each with our names) and a pair of ballet slippers.
    Posted by awebb04[/QUOTE]


    Then that was those bride's faux pas, but luckily you know better now :-D

    Giving jewelry is still very common, but not very thoughtful when you really think about it.  I mean, most wedding accessories that are given are pretty specific, which means they can't be worn much outside of formal occassions.  The point of a BM gift is to give them something meaningful to thank them for being a part of your day.  Giving them something to wear ON your wedding day doesn't really say 'thanks', it says "uniform".
    Anniversary
  • Good to know :-) I will rethink some of my ideas!
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