Wedding Etiquette Forum

Last minute Invites.

I had filled my guest list but I'm assuming because our wedding is July long weekend I've gotten a lot of declines.

I play on a hockey team and I know I can't just invite a few - but now I have room to invite all of them. I want to send out an email to them but I'm unsure of exactly what to say. Any help would be appreciated!
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Re: Last minute Invites.

  • I think if you're not worried about offending some or all of them you should go for it. 

    BUT before everyone jumps down your throat, I have a very important question: were you on this hockey team for a long time before invite went out? Becuase I think it's a different scenario if you just met everyone like 2 weeks before invites went out and are now closer. 
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  • That's b-listing and it's rude.
  • Would you like to be invited to something only b/c the people the hosts put before you couldn't make it? 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to Last minute Invites.:
    [QUOTE]I had filled my guest list but I'm assuming because our wedding is July long weekend I've gotten a lot of declines. I play on a hockey team and I know I can't just invite a few - but now I have room to invite all of them. I want to send out an email to them but I'm unsure of exactly what to say. Any help would be appreciated!
    Posted by sevendollarshoes[/QUOTE]

    How's this:

    Dear teammates:

    You really weren't important enough to make the first cut, but now that my REAL guests can't make it, I want to use you as seat fillers!!   Come, party with us as we get married, but make sure you bring a gift to cover your plate!"

  • OjitosVerdesOjitosVerdes member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2013
    Although I agree that B-listing is very rude, because your wedding is more than 7 weeks away (and wedding invites typically go out 6-8 weeks in advance), I think you could probably safely invite them without them knowing that they were B-listed, IF you send out the invites immediately - and if they are people you've recently met and they wouldn't have reasonably expected to have been invited earlier.  It's not like you're inviting them a couple days in advance. When was your RSVP date? It must have been earlier than would be typical for you to know already that so many people have declined?

    ETS - if you invite them, send an actual invite - absolutely do NOT send an email. 
  • If you've already sent out your invitiations, it's too late to invite them.  If you're trying to meet minimums at your venue ask if you can upgrade the bar or appetizers.
  • What OjitosVerdes said. You are currently over 6 weeks out, which is invite timing from what I've read. Some of your friends may realize they were b-listed since they didn't get STD's, but most friends should also understand that weddings are pricey and you have to wait for some family etc to decline to get more friends on the list. However it would absolutely be tacky to send an email, send a mail invitation like you would for any guest. In Response to Re: Last minute Invites.:
    [QUOTE]Although I agree that B-listing is very rude, because your wedding is more than 7 weeks away (and wedding invites typically go out 6-8 weeks in advance), I think you could probably safely invite them without them knowing that they were B-listed, IF you send out the invites immediately - and if they are people you've recently met and they wouldn't have reasonably expected to have been invited earlier.  It's not like you're inviting them a couple days in advance. When was your RSVP date? It must have been earlier than would be typical for you to know already that so many people have declined? ETS - if you invite them, send an actual invite - absolutely do NOT send an email. 
    Posted by OjitosVerdes[/QUOTE]

  • Thanks for everyones input. I sent out invites at the beginning of April with an RSVP date of may 31 which is why I wanted to send an email and then send them real invitations. I totally understand everyone's opinion on the b listing which is why I turned here for advice. I have no minimums just a chance to ask more people to celebrate with us. And it's definitely not about gifts.
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  • I've done this. Not because we had room that opened up. I'm not having a a large weding and seem to be a couple people over even with some people not going but i got a new job and the people at my old job some are in my wedding party but I wasnt going to invite anyone else to keep the workplace calm and collect. When i got my new job I wanted one girl I was really close to come. I talked to her and said I am sorry for the late notice and explained the work situation with not wanting to hurt anyones feeling and make it awkward for me. Then i told her we would really love for her to make it as we were really close. was this proper etiquette probably not.  
  • I know it's tempting to invite more (we've had a lot of declines), but the bright side is that you'll have fewer people you have to talk to, which means more time to spend with the people you love.  And a lower reception bill :)

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  • TiaTeaTiaTea member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Like eveybody said - B-listing is out of the question. Inviting people , just because the "real" guests couldn't come is rude.

    But sharing food and drinks , when you had purchased too much, is acceptable between people , who are close.  For example, if you had ordered 10 cases of wine and one remains unused, there is nothing wrong to take it and give a bottle to some friends of yours, even to people who were not invited.  You just had too much.
    It's not unusual at some  work places,  people to bring  cake , or cookies, or something, after a party at home. It's not B-listing the coworkers. They were never invited at all. You just prepared too much and share it.

    Again, it all depends on the environment. Just like when you go to some restaurant , you can get a doggy bag for your left overs. But I am sure nobody got a doggy bag from the British royal wedding

    Remember that old saying that you should treat people the way YOU want to be treated? Well, more and more advisers in the good- manners field agree, that you should treat people the way THEY want to be treated.

    We don't know your friends. There might be a very narrow window of opportunity with a lot of if-s. If they are fun-loving, easy going, sense of humor people, and your wedding is not an upscale event,  and if you are very close , you might be able to send something in the line of:

    Subject: FYI
    Hey guys ,
    If you run out of booze and food over the holidays, or have nothing better to do, or if you need a party to crash,   there will be plenty of  food and drinks on ( date ) at ( address)
    I can try to bring some goodies on ( when you play) , but I am afraid the beer will be too flat and warm by then, and the meat may smell funny.
    ****************
    Or whatever not serious , self depreciating, in your /their style of everyday communication.

    Again, it all depends on the people involved and the type of reception you are having.

    So think carefully. It all depends on how THEY want to be treated. If they like formality - absolutely NO.



  • Per etiquette this is definitely rude.  However,I am probably the minority on this but, I would not be offended if you invited me after the invites went out even if I knew I was B-listed.  If Ithe bride or groom explained that they were dealing with guest list constraints and now had more space, I would probably attend the wedding and wouldn't be offended.  It would probably depend on the person and how it was handled but I would just explain the situation to them.  You know your freinds so try to gauge what their reaction would be first. 

    At the same time, I do understand where people think this is rude and I am definitely not doing it.  We found a venue that we could host all guests that we wanted.  We did end up cutting people from our original guest list but there will be no B list to accomodate them.
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