Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette

SoonToBeKeeley424

Hello. My fiance and myself are having a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic in February 2014. Being my second wedding, I wanted to have something much smaller and more intimate. We decided since all our family and friends will not be able to attend our actual wedding ceremony in February, we are going to have a wedding reception at some point in the summer of 2014. I'm confused on how I should send out the invitations. I want to give the 40 people we are inviting to our destination wedding a proper amount of time to prepare and save, because i know this can be costly. When do I send out the invitations for are actual reception in the summer, which will be somewhere around 200 people. I don't want anyone feeling left out, and I don't want to be rude. SOMEONE HELP!

Thanks,
One Confused Bride!

AddieCake

40 people is not intimate in my opinion. Intimate is like 10 or so. It really isn't polite not to invite all the others to the ceremony and only to the at home reception when you are inviting quite a few to the ceremony.

SoonToBeKeeley424

In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette:
[QUOTE]40 people is not intimate in my opinion. Intimate is like 10 or so. It really isn't polite not to invite all the others to the ceremony and only to the at home reception when you are inviting quite a few to the ceremony.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

40 people is intimate for me compared to 350 which was the number of people at my 1st wedding. My dad is one of 9 and just on that side of the family, I have 39 first cousins. I can't afford to have a big wedding.

SoonToBeKeeley424

In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette : Now I am confused.  You can't afford to have a big wedding, but you can afford to have a destination wedding in the Caribbean and TWO receptions?  This makes no sense at all. The reception is the expensive part of a wedding. Just have a nice afternoon ceremony and a big cake and punch reception afterwards.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I come from a HUGE family... My idea of a "wedding reception" is going to be more along the lines of a picnic. My dad is one of 9 and I have 30 some cousins just on that side of my family. just need some help with my invitations, I don't need an opinion on what my plan is. That's not what I asked for

SoonToBeKeeley424

In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette:
[QUOTE]In Response to Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette : Your "actual" wedding reception is on your wedding day.  It is a thank you to your guests for coming to your ceremony.  You only get one . You can have a party to celebrate your marriage any time, but please do not try and turn it into a wedding reception.  No wedding dress, no wedding traditions.  It is OK  to show your wedding pictures and videos.  Invitations for a party are not sent with your wedding invitations.  You send them just like invitations for any other party.  Gifts are not expected at a party. It is fine to send wedding announcements to friends and relatives who are not invited to your wedding.  This does not mean that you should expect a gift from them.  These announcements are very simple, and are sent AFTER the ceremony. Bride's Full Name and Groom's Full Name announce their marriage Date City, Dominican Republic
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Again... I just need some advice on the invitation situation, not my wedding plans. You have been the most helpful though. Thanks

AddieCake

Just b/c you didn't ask for something doesn't mean you won't get it when you post on a public forum. If people take issue with your plans, they are going to speak up here.  If you asked me what kind of gun you should use to rob a bank, I would not answer your question. Instead, I would say it's really not ok to rob a bank. See how that works?

I agree that 40 compared to 350 is intimate. Still, it's a lot more people than is polite etiquette-wise to get away with. And like CMGr said, it doesn't make a lot of sense money-wise to have TWO receptions. If your idea of a reception is a picnic, that's fine. Why can't you just invite everyone to the DW and then have a picnic with everyone who shows? I realize most of the 200 won't show, but them's the breaks. 

You say you don't want anyone feeling left out and don't want to be rude, but I'd feel left out if I only got invited to the reception, and I'd feel it was rude if I knew 40 people got invited to the actual wedding. I'd prefer to be invited to none of it under those circumstances. 

Paneglini

Ugh judgers! Hopefully this idea will be helpful: I would just send out the save the dates to those you want to be with you in DR because you're right about needing a lot of notice. As for part 2, how about sending your annoucments from the DR? We're having a small wedding too and sending out annoucments the day after with wording like, "we'd like to share our happy news, today, surrounded by our families (because our immediate family will be there) in a small (hint, hint, small) courtyard outside of LOCATION...we we're married...." Then part 3: I wouldn't call it a reception. (To me that screams we want more presents. ) I love your idea of a picnic, just call it a celebration. how about your "6 month anniversary"?

Jen4948

Instead of calling the party in the summer a "wedding reception" (a misnomer since "wedding receptions" take place on the wedding day to thank those in attendance at the ceremony), call it a "party" or "celebration" but don't make it an "after wedding" event.  Also, don't wear your wedding outfits or have attendants.

It is going to make people feel "left out" if you're inviting them to a "wedding reception" or "wedding celebration" when you didn't invite them to the wedding.  You don't get to have it both ways.

SoonToBeKeeley424

In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette:
[QUOTE]Ugh judgers! Hopefully this idea will be helpful: I would just send out the save the dates to those you want to be with you in DR because you're right about needing a lot of notice. As for part 2, how about sending your annoucments from the DR? We're having a small wedding too and sending out annoucments the day after with wording like, "we'd like to share our happy news, today, surrounded by our families (because our immediate family will be there) in a small (hint, hint, small) courtyard outside of LOCATION...we we're married...." Then part 3: I wouldn't call it a reception. (To me that screams we want more presents. ) I love your idea of a picnic, just call it a celebration. how about your "6 month anniversary"?
Posted by Paneglini[/QUOTE]

Thank you so, so much for your help... I love this idea Good luck with all your wedding planning! Hope everything is going well for you!

SoonToBeKeeley424

In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette:
[QUOTE]Instead of calling the party in the summer a "wedding reception" (a misnomer since "wedding receptions" take place on the wedding day to thank those in attendance at the ceremony), call it a "party" or "celebration" but don't make it an "after wedding" event.  Also, don't wear your wedding outfits or have attendants. It is going to make people feel "left out" if you're inviting them to a "wedding reception" or "wedding celebration" when you didn't invite them to the wedding.  You don't get to have it both ways.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more! Thank you so much! I really appreciate the advice!

SoonToBeKeeley424

In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette:
[QUOTE]Just b/c you didn't ask for something doesn't mean you won't get it when you post on a public forum. If people take issue with your plans, they are going to speak up here.  If you asked me what kind of gun you should use to rob a bank, I would not answer your question. Instead, I would say it's really not ok to rob a bank. See how that works? I agree that 40 compared to 350 is intimate. Still, it's a lot more people than is polite etiquette-wise to get away with. And like CMGr said, it doesn't make a lot of sense money-wise to have TWO receptions. If your idea of a reception is a picnic, that's fine. Why can't you just invite everyone to the DW and then have a picnic with everyone who shows? I realize most of the 200 won't show, but them's the breaks.  You say you don't want anyone feeling left out and don't want to be rude, but I'd feel left out if I only got invited to the reception, and I'd feel it was rude if I knew 40 people got invited to the actual wedding. I'd prefer to be invited to none of it under those circumstances. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Maybe you should read the posts below from Paneglini  and JEN4948 -- 
That was the type of advice I was looking for... To be honest, this is my first time EVER putting anything on a message board, and it's because of people like you that I don't... I asked one simple question, not to have my whole wedding day picked apart, like you did.

SoonToBeKeeley424

In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Proper Wedding InvitationEtiquette : Oh, nice.  You can't tell people how to respond to your post.  This is an open forum. Like I said, you only get one wedding reception, and that is on your wedding day.  Don't try to have two. I think a lot of your relatives are going to wonder why you can afford to go to the DR to get married, but you can't afford to have a wedding where they are all invited.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

And Again....
Maybe you should read the posts from Paneglini and JEN4948 --
That was the type of advice I was looking for... To be honest, this is my first time EVER putting anything on a message board, and it's because of people like you that I don't... I asked one simple question, not to have my whole wedding day picked apart, like you did.