Wedding Etiquette Forum

No kids at wedding reddit debate

I wanted to share this interesting article...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/14/kids-at-weddings_n_3275008.html

A redditor, shared a facebook post from a mother who was upset because her 5 children were not invited to her cousin's wedding.

There is a lot of debate both ways.

Re: No kids at wedding reddit debate

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The mom was out of line to expect her children would be invited. The bride and groom can invite whomever they want. Simple as that. There may be unhappy people, there may be family drama, there may be repercussions. If so, then the B n G will have to deal with all that.
  • OMG - did you see this in the comments? She kicked out her bridesmaid for wanting to have a BREASTFEEDING baby at her wedding? 

    "One of my bridesmaids had a baby five months before my wedding. I not only chose bridesmaids gowns which would facilitate her being able to breast-feed (with some slight alterations) but I also arranged for a hotel room 3 blocks away for her sister to look after the baby during the reception. 

    Not good enough. She wanted her baby THERE, at the church and the reception, because she said he 'deserved' to be there--never mind her older 3 children would be at the hotel with their aunt. My parents hosted my wedding, and they said 'no way.' 

    So I told her this. It started a feud. Increasingly nastier words were exchanged. It got vicious and extreme. After I kicked her out of the bridal party, she threatened to 'crash' my wedding--and I didn't put it past her. She was very much the type. There were plain-clothes police officers at all the church entrances, friends of my father's, to prevent her from ruining my wedding day.

    I realized that it was all about her, and her need to 'show off' her newest creation, and not conceding herself to it being 'my' day. I haven't spoken to her since, and that was 16 years ago. 

    I might add that the only other kids at my wedding were members of the bridal party. Really, who wants to hear a screaming infant at a wedding? Not EVERYTHING has to be child-friendly. Can we draw the line somewhere?"


  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2013
    It's unreal on both sides. Parents are nuts, and B&Gs are nuts. The kid issue is ridiculous.

    My cousin sent out invitations that had "Adult Reception Only" in big block letters at the bottom. So, my brother and SIL sent back their RSVP as "no", since they had nobody who could watch their kids that weekend. (They live four hours away.)

    My cousin had a FIT, called my brother a "f**kstick", and said, "I traveled and took time off work for your wedding." This was all on my brother's Facebook wall. My brother emailed my cousin privately to explain that they couldn't come because they couldn't find child care, and my cousin said, "Well, you should have told us that. We would have made an exception."

    My brother, bless his heart, said, "We didn't want to ask you if the kids could come because that's rude. You could have called when you got our RSVP to ask why we weren't coming instead of swearing at me."

    After that, my cousin *and* aunt both de-friended my brother. It was absolutely insane. I was so mad I almost skipped the wedding. When I talked to my cousin at the reception, he said, "I'm so glad YOU could make it, V." I shot him the nastiest look possible and left as soon as they cut the cake.

    My cousin called to ask why FI wasn't coming, so I'm not sure why he didn't call my brother. That was two years ago, and I still get pissed when I think about it.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • OjitosVerdesOjitosVerdes member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2013
    It's unreal on both sides. Parents are nuts, and B&Gs are nuts. The kid issue is ridiculous.

    My cousin sent out invitations that had "Adult Reception Only" in big block letters at the bottom. So, my brother and SIL sent back their RSVP as "no", since they had nobody who could watch their kids that weekend. (They live four hours away.)

    My cousin had a FIT, called my brother a "f**kstick", and said, "I traveled and took time off work for your wedding." This was all on my brother's Facebook wall. My brother emailed my cousin privately to explain that they couldn't come because they couldn't find child care, and my cousin said, "Well, you should have told us that. We would have made an exception."

    My brother, bless his heart, said, "We didn't want to ask you if the kids could come because that's rude. If you were okay with them coming, you could have called when you got our RSVP to ask why we weren't coming instead of swearing at me."

    After that, my cousin *and* aunt both de-friended my brother. It was absolutely insane. I was so mad I almost skipped the wedding. When I talked to my cousin at the reception, he said, "I'm so glad YOU could make it, V." I shot him the nastiest look possible and left as soon as they cut the cake.
    Yikes. I agree that the kid issue can bring out the worst in everyone. The only children we're having are in our bridal party (our nieces and nephews) - my Fi's cousins have something like 30 kids in total, and there isn't room at our venue for them.  I'm waiting for the collective sh!t to hit the fan when our invites go out. 

    ETS: we're not putting "adults only" anywhere, but are going to do the "XX seats have been reserved in your honor" bit. 
  • I've been on TK for a while now and I still can't believe some of the ridiculousness that goes along with weddings.  People on both sides (B&G or guests) get insane when things don't go their way...it's crazy.


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  • It looks like most of their facebook and twitter posters were onboard with kids-free.  The only one I saw that wasn't was where an infant was excluded while the older sister is the flower girl, which means they were splitting the family which IMO is not cool.

    I love kids at weddings.  The kids in our families are a big part of our lives and we have a good time with them.  I don't judge people who want to go kid-free. It's fine, it's their choice.  What irritates me is people who complain about it one way or another at other peoples weddings - you don't like kids? awesome, don't invite them to your wedding.  I like my cousins and nieces and nephews so don't bitch about the fact that there are kids on the dance floor. (this obv goes both ways - if you DO like kids at weddings you shouldn't complain that they weren't invited)

  • and the girl who kicked out her BM is ridiculous - being a BM can be an all day event; I wouldn't want to be running back and forth to the hotel three blocks away all day either.
  • mc4dj13mc4dj13 member
    Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Combo Breaker
    Unfortunately, if your budget does not allow for additional guests such as children, you have to prepare for the backlash from their parents. Toddlers and small children eat very little and if you are quoted $65/person from the caterer then it is better than to eliminate all rather than picking and choose which children can and cannot attend. Consistency across the board is usually the best way to go for these sticky situations.
  • Little off the topic, but I think this might be a place to vent. Even though this happened over a month ago, I'm still mad.

    We invited only select kids in circles. We didn't invite our friends' kids. Some gave us a hard time about it, but here's what I couldn't get over. From the time we mailed the invitation until the RSVP were due, we gave them a month to figure out if they can/want to get a sitter and come to the wedding. Some couldn't figure out within a month. When I followed up with them after the RSVP date, they said they would come. So I put them on the list and, of course, reserved their seats and paid for their meals. On the wedding day, they didn't show up. They didn't bother to call/text/email us that they are sorry they missed the wedding. We saw them after honeymoon (for another event), and they told us they couldn't come because of the kids. What!??!? It wasn't like kids were sick - they just didn't get a sitter so they didn't come. Then why did they tell me in the first place that they would come? Maybe it was their way of trying to screw me up by not inviting their kids or whatever, but yea.. I'm still mad..
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  • @Hoorayforsoup - sorry, that was poorly worded.  What I meant was "you don't like kids [at your formal event] awesome, don't invite them... etc"  The point was just: you get to pick the guest list for your wedding, I get to pick the guest list for mine, neither of us should complain about / judge who the other invites to their own - KWIM?  I didn't mean to imply that people who have kid-free events don't like children.
  • There has been times when I wasn't invited to a kids birthday party because I don't have kids. I never said these statements:
    "Why wasn't I invited? Oh, I see you don't like people who don't have kids."
    "Can I bring my dog, she is my child, and part of our family unit?"

    I never would ask or demand people to alter their guest list to cater to me. Plus whenever I'm invited to a wedding, I have to find adequate care for our dog. Guess what? That is part of being a good "pet parent". If I can't find any, then, I wouldn't be able to go. The same goes for kids. If your kids are not invited, then find a babysitter. If you can't, then don't go.

  • Kate61487 said:

    It looks like most of their facebook and twitter posters were onboard with kids-free.  The only one I saw that wasn't was where an infant was excluded while the older sister is the flower girl, which means they were splitting the family which IMO is not cool.

    I love kids at weddings.  The kids in our families are a big part of our lives and we have a good time with them.  I don't judge people who want to go kid-free. It's fine, it's their choice.  What irritates me is people who complain about it one way or another at other peoples weddings - you don't like kids? awesome, don't invite them to your wedding.  I like my cousins and nieces and nephews so don't bitch about the fact that there are kids on the dance floor. (this obv goes both ways - if you DO like kids at weddings you shouldn't complain that they weren't invited)

    This line of thinking annoys me to no end. We are not having any kids at our wedding other than FI's two nephews. That decision has nothing to do with how much we like kids or how much the children in our family are a part of our lives. We just do not want them at our formal, evening wedding. 

    What is it with people assuming that not inviting kids means not liking kids? If a couple decides to elope no one assumes that the reason is that they don't like their family. 
    I agree. I love kids, which is why I work with them ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I don't want to have to put on my "Miss Teacher" persona at my wedding. Other teachers will understand this, you have a completely different personality when kids are around. 
  • I agree. I love kids, which is why I work with them ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I don't want to have to put on my "Miss Teacher" persona at my wedding. Other teachers will understand this, you have a completely different personality when kids are around. 

    YES!!  Totally! I can't tell you how many times I've had an event ruined for me (community events, movies, general life outings) by kids running wild and parents being oblivious.  It's so hard not to feel like I should discipline - even worse when there are kids that I know from school...
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  • Also, please tell me that someone else watched the video at the bottom of that Huffington Post article about the kid putting poop in his dad's hand at a wedding!  I died laughing!!
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  • The bride who won't let her cousin bring her 5 kids is on Weddingwire.  I couldn't find the post but I read it a few weeks ago and she posted the facebook message with names redacted.  She was trying to figure out how to handle it.  In the end she took the high road and ignored the FB crap.
  • I am a teacher and totally get the "no kids" idea.  I didn't have that many kids at my wedding, maybe 6 or 7, and darned if one didn't scream and act a fool during the ceremony. :-)  (She's a niece I adore, but I still get a laugh out of it.  It just figured that that would happen.)
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