Order of dances

tiffanyrenee08

So I've been to a couple different weddings and also googled it, but I continuously find different answers. Does anyone know the 'traditional' order of things at the reception? Aslo, here's our situation .. Wedding is at 4, we told guests to arrive at the reception hall at 5:30 to allow time for pictures (not seeing eachother beforehand) ..So, I think we should eat first. Is it tacky to come in and just eat right away? And should we toast and then go get food, or get food, toast and then eat? lmao. I'm so confused.

allispain

Are you having a cocktail hour for your guests so that they have something to do / can get something to eat while you're taking the time for pictures? If it's in the budget, that is definitely something you should do to be a good host. That way, you can do your entrance, whatever spotlight dances you want, etc. before sitting down to dinner.

tiffanyrenee08

We're no really having a cocktail hour.. because we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves.. I've even had to help pay for the flower girl's dress and shoes. We are providing beer.  Mixed drinks they will have to purchase on their own ..and a few little sacks. (choc. covered pretzels and not sure what else.)

But I know by the time we get there, everyone, including us.. will be starving. so that's why I wanted to have the meal first.

JoanE2012

tiffanyrenee08 said:

We're no really having a cocktail hour.. because we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves.. I've even had to help pay for the flower girl's dress and shoes. We are providing beer.  Mixed drinks they will have to purchase on their own ..and a few little sacks. (choc. covered pretzels and not sure what else.)

But I know by the time we get there, everyone, including us.. will be starving. so that's why I wanted to have the meal first.

Paying yourself is no excuse not to properly host your guests.  If you want to take pictures after the ceremony, you need to properly host your guests during this time.  If you can't do that, then take your photos beforehand.  You can't have your cake and eat it too.

And please don't have a cash bar.  You don't charge people when they come over to your house for dinner, right?  This is the same thing, just on a larger scale.  

QueerFemme

tiffanyrenee08 said:

We're no really having a cocktail hour.. because we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves.. I've even had to help pay for the flower girl's dress and shoes. We are providing beer.  Mixed drinks they will have to purchase on their own ..and a few little sacks. (choc. covered pretzels and not sure what else.)

But I know by the time we get there, everyone, including us.. will be starving. so that's why I wanted to have the meal first.

there is so much wrong with your plan.  You do not have to host mixed drinks if you cannot afford it, but if you can't afford it, don't offer them. A guest should never have to open their wallet at your wedding, never. Host beer and wine only, and don't offer anything that you are not hosting. 

To give you proper timeline advice, I'm going to assume a couple of things:

your ceremony is at 4:00pm and will last about 30 minutes. 

the travel time between your ceremony and reception location is 15 minutes or less. 

therefore, your guests will arrive at your reception location at approximately 4:45.  you need to host something between 4:45 and 5:30.  that can be light snacks, (cheese and crackers, pretzels, mixed vegetable tray) and beverages.  Again, your guests should NOT have to pay for any of this. 

5:30, you arrive at your reception, do your grand entrance, and you can either (a) immediately eat dinner along with the rest of your guests, or (b) go immediately into your first dance, and then eat dinner.  Your first dance will only take about 5 minutes, so that shouldn't cause to much grief with delaying eating.  You can do other spotlight dances (father/daughter, mother/son) after dinner.

Lets assume you immediately eat. You can do your toasts right at the end of dinner while everyone is finishing up eating.  Or, you can do your first dance, sit down for dinner, and still, do your toasts right at the end of dinner.  

Paying for a wedding is expensive. Many many couples here paid for their own weddings, without parental or other financial support (including me).  Being on a budget is no excuse for not properly hosting the people who came to witness your wedding.  There are a ton of ways to cut back on expenses.  Skip favors, scale back on other things, etc.

the other problem with your plan is telling the guests to arrive at the reception hall at 5:30, when it sounds like your ceremony is going to end around 4:30.  it's not a huge gap, but it's still a gap.  Your guests shouldn't have to find something to do for 45 minutes before your reception venue opens up. They should be able to go directly there and have a light snack while they are waiting for you to arrive.