Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bachelor party invite but not to wedding

So I know that traditional etiquette is; "you don't invite people to pre-wedding festivities, who are not invited to the wedding itself." Well, I found out through another groomsmen, that my fiances best man has invited someone to attend FI's bachelor party who isn't on the guest list. He's a mutual friend of 4 guys who are going on his bachelor party, FI is included in that 4, but wasn't someone we even considered inviting to our wedding. I don't want to have FI have a talk with the best man, because his whole party is a surprise for him.  He knows what days to take off from work, and that's about it. On the other side, I don't know how to not come off sounding rude or crazy if I were to talk to his best man about the etiquette of the situation.  I know he's trying to put together a fun time, and I know FI is going to love what he's got planned, but the situation doesn't sit well with me.  I'm not mad, just nervous/anxious. I'm not quite sure what to do.  At this point, there are at least 2-3 other guys who are mutual friends with a few of the groomsmen and my FI who could possibly get asked between now and then, who I know we didn't plan on inviting to the wedding. We're getting up there in numbers, close to 200. I'm already pushing the limit of invitations that I have ordered. I ordered about 15 extra, but have needed to allocate 4 of them for family friends that I totally wasn't thinking of 5 months ago, when we put together our list.  
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Re: Bachelor party invite but not to wedding

  • You don't have to keep inviting people to the wedding just because the groomsman is inviting all willy nilly. Does this groomsman know these guys aren't invited?
    Fi can say something about this without giving away that he knows anything specific.
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  • does the BM know they aren't invited / is he aware of the 'only wedding guests' rule?  H was invited to a b-party that he wasn't invited to the wedding for.  I think his feelings were a little hurt, but in the end it was driving distance (not like he bought plane tickets or something) and guys just aren't as sensitive about that sort of thing.  If the BM legitimately might not know I would go ahead and mention it to him, but otherwise just let it go.
  • kks4471kks4471 member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    My H is at a bachelor party literally right now, and we're not invited to the wedding.  I told H about the faux pas this morning, but he doesn't care.  He was excited for a fun night out with some guys (and I had fun night out with my friends too).  Not sure what you want to do, but you probably don't have to do anything.
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  • I wouldn't worry too much about it. I don't think guys mind this thing quite as much. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I think the consensus around here has always been that while it's rude to invite guys to a B party that aren't invited to a wedding, most guys just don't care and it's not worth getting worried over it.

    I would never encourage people to actively run around inviting people that aren't going to the wedding, but I would also never tell someone to sweat this sort of thing. 

    Most guys just really like going to bachelor parties.  And I would imagine if the uninvited guy were that close to your FI, he'd be on the guest list already anyway so hopefully his feelings won't be hurt. He's probably a closer friend of the guy planning the B party. 
  • FI's bachelor party is next weekend, and I just got around to asking who all would be there. From reading on these boards, I know the "rules," but I never really thought to ask them. So far, it seems ok, but to be honest, this late in the game, if his best man invited all of his hometown, I have 27 other things to worry about, and as PPs said, it's not on me anyway.
  • It wasn't your faux pas, and it's not your party to conduct correctly.  I'd let it go.  It probably won't even be an issue, tbh.  
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • I agree with all the PPs, but wanted to throw in that my FI has also been to a few bachelor parties and wasn't invited to the wedding. Yeah, it's rude but I agree that dudes don't tend to get as butthurt over that kind of stuff. Don't worry about it, or about trying to correct the faux pas. 
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