Where to put stepmother of the bride during wedding?

ria5584

Hello Ladies,

I am hoping I can get some advice on how you all have handled the stepmother situation in your weddings.

Basic back story for me, my father's wife has been in my life for about 20 years. Up until very recently (like within the last year or so) we have not gotten along at all. I would not consider her a parent or even a person that had a hand raising me. She was just kind of there. Now, with our relationship friendlier than it has ever been, I do not know how to include her in my wedding. Is she just a glorified guest, or part of the wedding?

How have you all handled it with your famlies/weddings? 

Thank you

Teddy917

She can just be a guest.

MairePoppy

She should be seated with your father during the ceremony and reception. If you want to be extra nice, you could give her a corsage. But that's optional. 

MairePoppy

@ria5584  If you're doing pictures after the ceremony, you should include your SM in few photos with your father. 

Simply Fated

NYUgirl100 said:

I think in general, the MOB, gets first dibs on front row.   Her relatives can sit with her. Dad would sit a row or two back, unless mom invites him to join her row.  If dad does not sit in front row, SM would sit with him in second or third row.

Jewish weddings are different, all parents (not steps) stand under the chuppa with bride and groom.

 

I agree, at reception, DAD/SM should sit together. 

Step parents can accompany the couple and birth parents under the chuppah. There is no Jewish law against it.

Simply Fated

NYUgirl100 said:

Simply -- I have never seen a step parent under the Chuppa.   It can get crowded. 

Just because you've never seen it, doesn't mean it can't, hasn't or shouldn't be done. It's totally a preference. I mean, of course it can get cramped if there are too many people for the size of the chuppah, but it's up to the marrying couple to decide how to handle it. Step parents shouldn't automatically get the shaft just because they're step parents and not biological parents. There is no rule the couple needs to follow based on Jewish law. That's all I was trying to say.

HisGirlFriday13

ria5584 said:

Hello Ladies,

I am hoping I can get some advice on how you all have handled the stepmother situation in your weddings.

Basic back story for me, my father's wife has been in my life for about 20 years. Up until very recently (like within the last year or so) we have not gotten along at all. I would not consider her a parent or even a person that had a hand raising me. She was just kind of there. Now, with our relationship friendlier than it has ever been, I do not know how to include her in my wedding. Is she just a glorified guest, or part of the wedding?

How have you all handled it with your famlies/weddings? 

Thank you

The parts I bolded are irrelevant to your question. The part I highlighted in red is relevant. She is your father's wife. That means she is seated in the same pew with him at the wedding (either in the same pew as your mother or separately, depending on space and the parties' abilities to get along). Because she is your father's wife, she gets a corsage -- the same as your mother, FMIL, grandmothers, etc. do. You do not get to assign flowers to people based on whether or not you personally like them. You give them flowers based on their relationship to you/your family. 

lasvegasveganbride

My stepfather is the man who ended my parents relationship(8yrs ago) but I still have to respect that he is my mothers husband. He will sit next to my mother and my grandfather will sit in between my parents.

chellekel

Another question...My mother passed away in 2005 when I was in my mid 30's.  My dad started dating his now wife about three months after my mom passed and remarried 2-3 years later.  I had a very hard time with everything at first.  My dad's wife is very nice and is throwing me my shower.  I will be getting her a corsage for the wedding (as they did me for their wedding), she will of course be seated with my dad at the ceremony and reception.  My FI's mom will process down the aisle with his father (the best man).  And this may sound bad, but I do not want my dad's wife to process down the aisle.  Do you think this will be taken as an insult?

MairePoppy

@chellekel - I'm a recent MOB and also a step-mother. I've been married to my husband since my step-son was 7 years old. I didn't expect any special honors at my step-sons wedding. If you like, you could have your father walk his wife to her seat, prior to the processional. Then he can return to take his place at your side, if he'll be walking you down the aisle. 

chellekel

@RetreadBride - my mom died suddenly.  She had a type of blood cancer that none of us knew about.  She fainted at work, was taken to the hospital and died 24 days later.  My parents met when they were 19 at college and she died a month before their 35th anniversary.  My dad told me that when he first saw my mom at a college party it was like a light was shining down on her.  He said she was the love of his life next to me and his mom.  He explained that he likes being married and he does not like being alone.  In my rational mind, I understand this...I get it.  But it still bothers me that he would start dating someone so soon.  And while his wife is extremely nice, she is a constant reminder that my mom is not here.

I will talk to my dad to see what he would like to do and probably use MairePoppy's suggestion.

Edited for spelling.

MairePoppy

@chellekel - That's sweet that your dad told you that your mom was the love of his life. He doesn't think of his second wife as a replacement for your mom. It's a totally different relationship. 

My husband was widowed suddenly after a year of marriage to his first wife. She died of a cerebral hemorrhage, at the age of 24. They had no children. The second marriage was a divorce - won't talk about that one. I'm the third wife. I have always know that he loved the first wife, dearly. She was his high school sweetheart. I am not her replacement. We have a 35 year history and 3 children together- a real marriage in every sense of the word, that doesn't diminish, in any way, his marriage to his first love. 

MrsMack10612

A little late to the party but -

@ria5584 - I have/had almost the same situation.  I battled a lot about how to handle this.  Keep in mind, my father also did not walk me down the aisle.

My final solution:

Dad/wife got bout/corsage; listed in the program as FOB/his wife; were to be seated last prior to my mom and H's mom being seated to indicate a place of honor and they would be seated together at ceremony (in the row behind my mom) and reception.

However, my final solution ended up not being necessary as she ended up not coming day of and my dad brought their oldest child.

MrsS728

My step-mother and the rest of my family do not get along. In fact, she tried to cause a scene right before I walked down the aisle. Her sons also tried to cause a scene at the reception.....

We put my step-mother in the second pew of the church, next to my father. She was not in the program, but she was introduced at the reception with my father and we gave her a corsage. Our motto: Keep the peace.