FMIL and MOTB

wiki8

From day 1 my FMIL & FI's family has been pretty crazy about the guest list. We are only inviting 100 people to the wedding, paying for it ourselves, and made the guest list ourselves. We shared the guest list with FMIL so she knew who would be invited (because she keeps verbally inviting people who are not on the list.) She came back with a list of about 70 family members from his side that "we need to find room for." There is no finding room for these people, majority of which FI doesn't even know! It's been stressful, but we've help strong about it. and already sent out our STDs so everyone would have a clear idea if they were not invited.

I have been venting to my own mother about this a bit, and she's been so on my side about it. Telling me she is glad we are not backing down, it's FI and I's day, we shouldn't let anyone change our mind. Then the other day she starts with "so how many of my friends do I get to invite?" I thought she was joking. None! When does the madness stop!

MairePoppy

Since you and fi are paying for the wedding, your fi should tell her that the guest list is final and no others will be added to it. 

or

If this is a decision based on cost, only, you could tell her the per person cost for her guests and let her know you need the money before the invitations are sent out. Don't for get to include the cost of any extra centerpieces, favors, cake  etc that will be required for her guests.  She'll most likely trim her list to a few guests.

wiki8

@MairePoppy FI has told her it's final many times already haha. I have no doubt she will be trying to discuss this/change out mind right up until the wedding day. 

It was a cost decision, but we specifically chose a venue that couldn't accommodate any more so there wouldn't be any wiggle room for extra guests. FIs list is already a bit bigger than mine, which is fine because it is the people we agreed upon. But she thinks that because I have a smaller family that I can find friends to cut and accommodate her extra guests. Not happening!

MairePoppy

She has a lot of nerve to expect you to cut your friends for YOUR wedding, so she can invite her friends. Let your banquet manager know that your FMIL has verbally invited people to the wedding who aren't on the guest list. Let FMIL know the banquet manager has the guest list and no one else will be allowed in. If that's not enough to stop her, then hire a security guard. 

Don't discuss this with her further, even if it means you don't see her before the wedding.

wiki8

@MairePoppy I know! I was pissed when she suggested I cut my list. It definitely seems like I am going to have to tell the manager about her spreading the details by word of mouth. 

@RetreadBride thanks! I have "we've already discussed this" and changing the subject down to a science lol. 

akaneli

I feel for you. My FH parents passed when he was little so I can't speak to FMIL issues but my parents have gone ahead and told a couple of my cousins and their families (significant others and children) that they can ALL come to the wedding...NONE of which they are paying for. I have yet to resolve this myself so I can't even image dealing with a problem such as yours. I disagree with anyone who thinks parents should get to invite anyone. It is your wedding you decided who gets to share in your happiness. IMO

wiki8

@scribe95 anyone I considered myself close to (like family friends I call "aunt" or "uncle) has been invited, so my mom's friends are invited in that sense. But no, I haven't invited any of my mom's friends I barely know. I just don't see the point in that.

@akaneli yes! I agree that it is an exciting time for parents, but I think too many parents turn it into their own social event. That is not what it is really about! My FMIL and her side of the family has brought all the drama to facebook now! 

wiki8

@RetreadBride hahaha! That's a great idea, and hilarious scenario!