MY MOM IS PREGNANT

iztac92

 I am a 21 year old bride and my wedding is scheduled for Dec 14 of this year. Everything is already set just the few minor details to figure out, but a couple of days ago my mother found out she was pregnant, she is about 5 weeks along it was totally unplanned and i already love my lil brother or sister. However that leaves her to be just about to pop on my wedding day, I love my mom so much and i want us both to have a good day I am her oldest and shes been helping me out so much now her and my dad are asking me postpone the wedding until next march. I have my heart set on this date because it has a special  meaning to me and my fiance and  I really don't want to wait to be married to him either. So confused and i don't know  what to do i need advise!! 

akaneli

1st: Congrats! How wonderful for your family that your family is growing. Obviously you would want your mom there for your big day, but if she "pops" too close to your date will you be just as happy not having her (and possibly other members of your family and guests) there? Are you the kind of bride/daughter who would be ok with just sharing the pictures and stories with her later? If you are than keep your date and understand when some people don't make it. If not postpone and dress the little cutie up in something adorable and get ready for the cutest wedding photos ever. Either way there is no middle ground.

MairePoppy

Congratulations!

If you want to increase the chances that your mom will be able to attend your wedding, could you move it up a month - six weeks to early or mid November? 

calliopeia2013

I think you have to ask yourself what's more important to you- having your wedding on that specific date, or making it as likely as possible that your mom will be able to attend.  If you're cool with the possibility that your mom might not be there - either the baby comes right around that time, or she has a rough pregnancy and has trouble getting around at that time, or whatever - then keep your date.  If that's really not okay with you, you've got to move it.

In the interests of full disclosure, I am not superstititious or sentimental about dates at all, and I have a hard time understanding why people are, so of course my advice would be to move your date a few months later so that your mom will be sure to be able to attend.  Or a few months earlier, if that's a possibility.

Congrats to your family!!

kmmssg

I had one of those surprise babies myself when my oldest was 15.  That surprise baby graduates high school next week.

A thought or two to share with you - your mom is going to have a high risk pregnancy.  Her age alone puts her in that category.  That does not mean some kind of complication WILL happen, but it means it is far more likely than when she was carrying you 22 years ago.  I was 35 with DS and was on bedrest the last 2-3 weeks of the pregnancy due to my blood pressure.  I would NOT have been allowed to go to a wedding.  I wasn't even allowed to go to the grocery!

I have two other very close girlfriends who had babies after age 35 and they were both on bedrest at the end.  Your mom may breeze through this like a champ or she may have complications.  It is a high risk pregnancy.

You need to ask yourself if you are willing to take the chance of not having your mom there.  How is SHE going to feel if she can't be there?  Personally, I see why your parents have asked you to move your date and I hope you will give this some serious consideration.  For me, it would hands down be move the date due to the high risk factor.

nsweare

I know this may come off as horribly insensitive, and I promise I don't mean it to be that way, but your mom is still VERY early in her pregnancy. Unfortunately, a lot can happen between now and the end of her first trimester. While I agree with PPs that it would be best to move the date, perhaps you should wait to cancel the plans you already have in place. This will give you some time to research options for March. And if, God forbid, the worst should happen and the pregnancy isn't viable, you won't have to move anything. And your family will have something happy to celebrate around what would have been the due date.

Congrats regardless! Babies are awesome!

OliveOilsMom

nsweare said:

I know this may come off as horribly insensitive, and I promise I don't mean it to be that way, but your mom is still VERY early in her pregnancy. Unfortunately, a lot can happen between now and the end of her first trimester. While I agree with PPs that it would be best to move the date, perhaps you should wait to cancel the plans you already have in place. This will give you some time to research options for March. And if, God forbid, the worst should happen and the pregnancy isn't viable, you won't have to move anything. And your family will have something happy to celebrate around what would have been the due date. Congrats regardless! Babies are awesome!

I disagree with your statement.  My friend lost her baby and everyone was devastated.  When her due date rolled around, it was a very solemn day for her and her family.  I don't think she would have been able to attend a wedding, a happy occaision, knowing she too should have been very happy in her life as well at that point because she should have had a new baby at home.  It's been 2 years now and she still treats that due date as a date of what could have been in her life.

 

OP - Do as PP suggest and think in your mind what is more important to you, the date of your wedding or having your mom 100% able to attend.

kmmssg

Absolutely agree with Olive - if something very unfortunate were to happen with your mom's pregnancy, her due date won't need something happy to celebrate, it will be incredibly difficult for her and your dad and the rest of the family.  I am sure nsweare's advice was given with a good heart but I do believe it is incredibly misguided.  I hope you will consider moving your wedding date.

nsweare

It may have been misguided but I know from my personal experience, any distraction around what would've been my due date was welcome. I know that was my personal experience and not everyone will agree and that's ok. We all grieve differently. I totally understand where you are coming from also Olive and Kmm. I shouldn't have transferred my personal experiences onto OP or her mom. My apologies.

nsweare

Although in this case I think her mom's due date will be closer to mid-late January? So a mid December wedding will be about a month before. I would still move the wedding though for mom's comfort.

iztac92

All of you ladies make good points as far as what nsweare said, I don't think it was a horrible idea even my mom is saying to wait until July to make any move on the date. However now that is starting to feel real for all of us in the family if something were to happen it really would still be weighing heavily. In the end it is really important for me to have my mom there for me so I believe that if everything does go well I will be moving the date to March. To those that said it was a little silly for us to have our heart said on the date I understand why you would think that but me and my Fiance share the same birthday witch is July 14th     started dating on the Nov 14th and he proposed to me on June 14th(None of the dates were done on purpose) We just wanted to keep it going but it will all be fine its bit compared to having my mom there feeling Happy and  Comfortable. Also having my new baby bro or sis will just be supper cute 

kmmssg

You sound like an awesome bride and daughter.

kmmssg

nsweare said:

It may have been misguided but I know from my personal experience, any distraction around what would've been my due date was welcome. I know that was my personal experience and not everyone will agree and that's ok. We all grieve differently. I totally understand where you are coming from also Olive and Kmm. I shouldn't have transferred my personal experiences onto OP or her mom. My apologies.

No, I feel like I owe YOU an apology.  While I still agree with Olive's adivce, you offered a POV from someone who has been through a miscarriage and that shouldn't be minimized. My apologies.

kerbohl

nsweare said:

It may have been misguided but I know from my personal experience, any distraction around what would've been my due date was welcome. I know that was my personal experience and not everyone will agree and that's ok. We all grieve differently. I totally understand where you are coming from also Olive and Kmm. I shouldn't have transferred my personal experiences onto OP or her mom. My apologies.

Absolutely right.  I grieve very similar to you, and I would be wanting a distraction from something like this.  But hopefully this will not be the case for OPs mother and the baby is born healthy and happy. 
OP, if 14 is so important to you, wouldn't getting married in 2014 work perfectly?  I personally think I would take the year over the actual day . . .