Pre-wedding Parties

Help! We want to throw a bridal shower but bride and groom have everthing already.

My brother and his fiance both have their own homes.  This is the first wedding for both of them.  We want to give them a bridal shower with family and friends- it will probably be around 50 people.  Since they have everything they need already, what do we do for gifts?  (They have only registered for china).  Do we still give them a shower?  (We also plan on giving the bride a separate lingerie shower during the bachelorette party).  I don't know what to do!  Any ideas or suggestions?  How do we work around this?

Re: Help! We want to throw a bridal shower but bride and groom have everthing already.

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited May 2013

    Sorry. No registry= no shower.

    You could host a luncheon or tea or something welcoming the Bride into the family.

    My DH & I didn't want a shower. So what ended up happening is my family turned our luncheon into a "recipe shower" where each family member brought us a copy of their favorite recipe and one small kitchen gadget (probably less than $15) that they suggest we use to make the recipe. It was a nice little surprise.

  • Perfect excuse for a recipe shower!  I am a huge recipe shower fan.

    (Also, I hope you're pretty close to the bride-to-be...I would be super uncomfortable if my SILs bought me lingerie.  But I know everyone has different relationships with their in-laws.)

     

  • A recipe shower sounds like a great idea.  She loves to cook!

    @calliopeia2013  Thanks!  You are right, I won't be giving her lingerie! LOL!  But, I'm going to help organize the party for the bridesmaids and her friends.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    itzMS said:

    Sorry. No registry= no shower.

    Really? I've only heard this rule on TK. 

    The couple should only accept a shower, if they want gifts. They aren't required to have a registry, though, as long as they don't mind the guests guessing at what they might want. 


                       
  • No registry=no shower? That's nuts. I assume that showers never happened before registries, then, eh? 
    imimbles
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited May 2013
    No registry=no shower? That's nuts. I assume that showers never happened before registries, then, eh? 

    @Rachel-Elise ....It's kind of awkward for guests to attend a shower with no registry. No one wants to give a repeat gift or something the couple won't like.

    Certainly, if you want 3 George Foreman grills, 2 coffee pots, and 17 sets of measuring cups, you can certainly accept a shower without having created a registry.

    Generally, if a couple does not create a registry, it implies they do not want any physical gifts and that's totally fine.

    Showers are for physical gifts though...not cash and gift cards.

  • That no registry no shower idea is... um, out there. I'm not registered and having a shower next weekend. I'll be happy with whatever picture frames and toasters rain down upon me (apparently by the dozen). 
  • scribe95 said:
    To imimbles - why would you have a shower and not register?
    I don't like registries, they make me uncomfortable.
    PRESENTS, though, I love presents. I just want people to pick them out on their own.
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited May 2013
    imimbles said:
    scribe95 said:
    To imimbles - why would you have a shower and not register?
    I don't like registries, they make me uncomfortable.
    PRESENTS, though, I love presents. I just want people to pick them out on their own.
    Why would a registry make you uncomfortable? It helps your guests know what you and your FI need for your home. Can you take a moment to imagine how awkward or uncomfortable it is for the guest who also got you a blender when you've already opened one? Your wedding isn't just about you.
    Peledreamsofrain
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    sfockler, cut it the hell out.  YOU CANNOT ADVERTIZE HERE. 



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @knotporschia, how are those spam filters working?  sfockler has been advertizing all over the boards.



  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    I'm not saying there is anything wrong with registering. But there is no etiquette rule saying that a couple must register if they're going to have a shower. If there's no registry, guests will buy whatever they think the couple would like. If they get duplicates, they'll return one.
                       
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Apparently, it takes 5 flags to get rid of a vendor's post. I was # 5 for sfockler or whatever her name is.  Then she automatically disappeared. 
                       
  • itzMS said:
    imimbles said:
    scribe95 said:
    To imimbles - why would you have a shower and not register?
    I don't like registries, they make me uncomfortable.
    PRESENTS, though, I love presents. I just want people to pick them out on their own.
    Why would a registry make you uncomfortable? It helps your guests know what you and your FI need for your home. Can you take a moment to imagine how awkward or uncomfortable it is for the guest who also got you a blender when you've already opened one? Your wedding isn't just about you.

    I don't like telling people what to buy me.

    I am aware that people like them, but we don't. Please don't imply I am being selfish for not giving people a list of things to purchase me.

  • itzMS said:
    imimbles said:
    scribe95 said:
    To imimbles - why would you have a shower and not register?
    I don't like registries, they make me uncomfortable.
    PRESENTS, though, I love presents. I just want people to pick them out on their own.
    Why would a registry make you uncomfortable? It helps your guests know what you and your FI need for your home. Can you take a moment to imagine how awkward or uncomfortable it is for the guest who also got you a blender when you've already opened one? Your wedding isn't just about you.


    This was bothering me a bit, so I found a Miss Manners quote to back me up.

    ""A gift is something that someone voluntarily does and chooses for you," says Martin, daughter of Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners, and co-author of this spring's "Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding." "When you're just handing out a shopping list, you're saying, 'We don't care what you think we like.' " " [link]

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If you don't register, though, people will just give you whatever the hell THEY want you to have, whether you want or need it or not. I understand that a gift is a gift and you should be gracious about whatever you're gifted. However, I do not need 4 toasters, 8 engraved picture frames, towels that don't match my kitchen, etc.  I'll be honest. I DON'T care what you think I like when it comes to my HOME. 

     
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Registries are a resource, not a mandate.  They are a helpful guide to your guests, instead of just leaving them floundering in the dark trying to guess what in the world you A.) already have, and B.) would LIKE to have.

    Nobody likes giving gifts that are unwanted.  The only types of registries that are actually rude are ones that mandate cash gifts (that's not a guide, that's a demand).

    If anyone gets the sniffs over a helpful list of items, then they can go buy something that the couple likely will not use, nor needs.  That's their choice.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • *shrug* I like what other people pick out for me, though. Yes, we might get some oddball things- but they're oddball things that, presumably, the gifters thought we would appreciate or enjoy. I really like that thought.

    I'm not worried about the things in my house matching. If someone if really concerned, they are free to contact me, my fiancé, or either of our mothers.

  • I'd be annoyed if I was a guest and someone played 'hard to get' about what presents they wanted. Why should your guests have to chase you down to figure out what pattern of china you need?

    If I got an invite for a shower without a registry, I'd assume you were stating you wanted cash (no registries is understood to be a cash request), which is SUUUUPER rude to ask for for a shower.

    I'd decline the shower so fast that there would be a sonic boom behind my disgust.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    @Peledreamsofrain  - I wouldn't assume that the couple wanted cash for shower gifts. If they didn't have a registry, I'd buy household items, like we did in the old days. Dish or guest towels, white sheets, kitchen utensils, stuff like that and I'd include a gift receipt. Like you, I prefer shopping from a registry, but it's not rude to not have one (hope that makes sense). 

    @imimbles - I'm a recent MOB. My daughter had two gift registries. Half the guests used it for her shower. I know a few of the people well enough to know that they don't approve of registries. They didn't bother looking at it and chose gifts from their hearts. All the gifts were greatly appreciated. I would suggest a basic registry so your loved ones, if they want, can look at it and get a feel for your taste, know what size sheets to buy and the color of your dishes and linens etc...You'll be surprised at how many guests will ask if you're registered anywhere. Enjoy your shower.
                       
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    @MariePoppy , thankfully you're logical and thoughtful in including a gift receipt! Unfortunately, many people are not.

    I provide the example of my friend who didn't register...and didn't receive a gift receipt with about 70% of the shower gifts. She got so many duplicates. Poor girl tried her best to keep a gracious face on the whole time...but it was becoming quickly obvious that she was regretting not registering.

    In the days of old, most couples married earlier and often didn't live together. So they needed everything. Today's world is so much different.

    It's probably better to just skip having a bridal shower if you can't take a few hours to register for some gifts in you and your FI's taste.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    Trust me, I know how your friend felt:

    When I got married, in the old days, my mom told me that registries were demanding and greedy. My mom had a lot of oddball ideas. When the guests called HER to ask what I wanted, she suggested things that she liked. Many of the gifts I received would have looked lovely in her home. Fortunately, most of the shower gifts were useful, toasters, can openers, that sort of thing. I received three electric can openers, so I put two away as back ups. The guests never offered receipts so that I could return them. Then there were the white elephants: crocheted toilet paper roll covers, tchochkes, regifted items etc...Gift receipts wouldn't have helped : ) And I wouldn't have burdened Goodwill or Salvation Army with those items. 

    Again, I'm not saying it's wrong, or greedy or presumptuous to have a registry. I like registries. I'm only saying that it's optional and not rude to not have one. 

                       
  • Do you even know if they want to have a shower? If they have everything, they might not even want one. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Consider throwing a party that's not a shower if they already have everything.
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