October 2013 Weddings

Biggest Wedding Fear?

What are you most nervous about happening - and what are you doing to prevent it from happening?
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Re: Biggest Wedding Fear?

  • My biggest fear is that no one we will have invited will show up. Like, they'll RSVP yes, but then not actually come. And I'm not talking like, 1 or 2 people, I'm talking everyone outside of our immediate families.


    Honestly, another one is that my grandfather on my mom's side will pass away either the week before or the week after the wedding. The cancer has spread to his brain, so... I'm preparing myself. I hate saying it, I really do. But those are my 2 biggest fears, and I can't do anything to prevent either of them.
  • I guess my biggest fear is being so emotional through everything that people question if I really want to get married to FI! I am a total wedding crier, I cry at weddings on TV where I don't even know the people. I have no idea how I am going to keep it together.
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  • Hmmm I think the only one is that it will be one of those weddings where no one wants to dance. Which is probably silly because we both have a lot of pretty crazy families and friends. I just hate weddings where it feels like pulling teeth to get people to dance or the DJ sucks and doesn't "get" the crowd!
  • @archerstar, I worry about the people not dancing too.  Fortunately my friends and family are crazy enough to drag people on the dance floor.  We never actually met our dj, but booked them off of a ton of recommendations, so crossing fingers on that one.

    I'm most worried about family drama.  I know it will happen, I'm just preparing myself to be calm.  I'm getting ready at my sister's house with her and her family and pretty much nobody else, so I know that life will be real.  No crazy in your face time, thank goodness for my nephews they call people out when they are being stupid.
  • I'm most worried about FMIL.  She's sort of socially awkward and has no filter whatsoever.  She's very anti-alcohol; our reception space is byob, so we're only doing wine and beer (FI and I aren't big hard liquor drinkers and there are some in our family who are at their best when there isn't a bottle of vodka around...)  I still worry that she'll make a big stink about it in front of everyone.

    My mom was most concerned about her mother passing around the time of the wedding, but that's no longer an issue now :/ 
  • Oh and one other, not related to the wedding itself, but my 12 year old cat isn't in great health but keeps on chugging along. I'm scared that he will start to decline around the time of the wedding and I won't want to leave him on my honeymoon.
  • @alisonmarie658 yea, Papa is 85, Grandpa is 85 or 86 (I can't ever remember). Papa would be flying from CA, and Grandpa would be coming in from TX, if they are able to come at all.
  • First, *HUGE HUGS* @lplions and @alisonmarie658.  FI's Nanny is in her 80's, and she's the only living "older" relative he has left.  His has a half bro and a half sis, but he doesn't know them well.  So, I worry about that too, but...she seems so strong right now, it's not a HUGE fear for me, but a slight concern.

    Mostly what I'm worried about is my timeline falling apart.  It's kind of hard and fast.  The ceremony site I ONLY get from 10:30-12.  So I have to get dressed and get the ceremony performed in that time frame on site.  I'm going to have hair and makeup done before I get there, so all I'll need to do is be put in to the gown, but I'm still worried.

    I'm scared we won't have a photographer.  Like, next to invites, this one has me terrified.  We have a friend who's a pro, and he hasn't yet approached her to ask.  *tears out hair*  THANKFULLY last weekend he got an eye opener when he spoke to a professional wedding photographer and found out what she charges.  And, even if our friend can't do it, she has access to photography students who I'm sure she can recommend.  Mostly I want posed photos, and a very few "in the moment" photos (which I'm sure friends and family can provide scads of those!). 

    Other than that, I'm just going to roll with it. 

    My other fear?  Not getting to wear my dress like ALL DAY!!  The 'schedule' is currently 10:30-4, but I wanna wear my dress ALL day!!  I know it wasn't a super expensive dress, but dammit!!  I think it's beautiful and I'll never get to wear it again! 
  • And PS-Anyone else looking at their signature ticker and freaking out just a little bit?!  YIKES!!!
  • I have a lot of fears when it comes to the wedding.  I am worried my sister (MOH), BIL (GM) and their 3 children (2 FG and 1 RB) will not be able to make it up from Florida.  My BIL has been very sick  for couple years now and is on the kidney list waiting for a kidney transplant.  He was only born with one kidney and because of diabetes, that kidney has failed.  They could call him at anytime for the surgery and I am worried they won't be able to come because of this.  I was him to get healthy as soon as possible and if it happens around the wedding, then it happens but I will miss them so much!  It won't be the same without my sister there!

    I also worry about the centerpieces not looking right, people not showing up or dancing at the wedding.  I have been to weddings before that were so boring that you just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.  I don't want this to happen to me.  Let's hope the DJ gets everyone out there!!
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    We're coming out as Buddhist to Tyler's VERY Southern Baptist family at the moment that our officiant says 'we have come together in the presence of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to witness, cerebrate and bless the joining together of Allison and Tyler.' It's kind of nervewracking but needs to be done because we don't want them to pester us or our children about things like christening, baptism and church attendance.


  • I have ridiculous irrational fears about the wedding.  
    1 - I will hate my dress
    2 - my family will be all sorts of bananas
    3 - people complaining about everything
    4 - people not showing up 
    5 - NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT

    Things I am NOT worried about - Falling, farting, enjoying the day, being emotional, losing rings, rain, snow, sun, bird poop (many cultures believe you are in luck if a bird poops in flight and you are in the landing zone).  

    I am a worrier by trade.  It's my number 1 career, promise.  I worry about the stupidest crap day in and day out but I never worry about the big things that are far more likely to happen. 
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  • We're coming out as Buddhist to Tyler's VERY Southern Baptist family at the moment that our officiant says 'we have come together in the presence of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to witness, cerebrate and bless the joining together of Allison and Tyler.' It's kind of nervewracking but needs to be done because we don't want them to pester us or our children about things like christening, baptism and church attendance.

    Any reason you cannot tell them sooner?  I wonder if his family may be confused and offended that they have been in the dark while your family and joint friends know.  That will likely come as a very big shock to some of them and can be an avoided stress for you both, no?    
    S'mores. Just S'mores please.
  • SimplyME22SimplyME22 member
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    edited May 2013

    We're coming out as Buddhist to Tyler's VERY Southern Baptist family at the moment that our officiant says 'we have come together in the presence of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to witness, cerebrate and bless the joining together of Allison and Tyler.' It's kind of nervewracking but needs to be done because we don't want them to pester us or our children about things like christening, baptism and church attendance.

    Are you worried they won't attend if you tell them in advance?  I don't recommend waiting until the ceremony to have that be the way you tell them, especially if you fear their reaction. 

    Give them the benefit of the doubt and start to tell them now so that they have time to process it.


    I understand your trepidation though. FI converted to Catholicism a year ago, I was raised Roman Catholic and very active in the church, but it was totally FI's call as to whether to convert or not, I never pushed him.  His dad made the comment when he told him some years ago that he started going to church with me that, Catholicism wasn't the only option and that I should be willing to go to FI's Lutheran church with him as well.  (I did several times, again FI made the call to convert having never been raised in one specific faith)  I still worry how FFIL will feel/react at the ceremony, but there's nothing I can do about it now!
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    We're coming out as Buddhist to Tyler's VERY Southern Baptist family at the moment that our officiant says 'we have come together in the presence of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to witness, cerebrate and bless the joining together of Allison and Tyler.' It's kind of nervewracking but needs to be done because we don't want them to pester us or our children about things like christening, baptism and church attendance.

    Any reason you cannot tell them sooner?  I wonder if his family may be confused and offended that they have been in the dark while your family and joint friends know.  That will likely come as a very big shock to some of them and can be an avoided stress for you both, no?    

    It's my fiance's choice to not tell them sooner, and that is his choice to make.

  • I totally understand those that have elderly relatives.  The sole living grandparent in both my and FI's families is my grandma and she just turned 90 in March.  We joke (with her, not just behind her back) that she needs to hang on until October! 

    My worst fear is that FI's parents won't come.  I didn't realize how dramatic they are until we announced we were getting married.  They have made several ultimatums about ridiculous things (I'm not coming if I have to wer a tux, I'm not coming if the neighbors aren't invited) and it's anxiety-provoking.  FI says he'd be okay if they didn't come, but it would break my heart for him. 

     

  • My worst fear is that FI's parents won't come.  I didn't realize how dramatic they are until we announced we were getting married.  They have made several ultimatums about ridiculous things (I'm not coming if I have to wer a tux, I'm not coming if the neighbors aren't invited) and it's anxiety-provoking.  FI says he'd be okay if they didn't come, but it would break my heart for him. 


    Aw, I feel terrible for your FI!  I hope that the dramatics die down and that they show and enjoy themselves.  Hopefully it's all just for dramatics and not because they would honestly not come if the neighbors weren't invited.  I'll hope for the best!
    S'mores. Just S'mores please.
  • 09McSteph03 said:   Aw, I feel terrible for your FI!  I hope that the dramatics die down and that they show and enjoy themselves.  Hopefully it's all just for dramatics and not because they would honestly not come if the neighbors weren't invited.  I'll hope for the best!
    I'm trying to stay positve, too.  My family is the exact opposite, so it's kinda shocking to me.  FI takes it a little more in stride because he's been dealing with it his whole life. 
  • megra03megra03 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    I have a lot of fears when it comes to the wedding.  I am worried my sister (MOH), BIL (GM) and their 3 children (2 FG and 1 RB) will not be able to make it up from Florida.  My BIL has been very sick  for couple years now and is on the kidney list waiting for a kidney transplant.  He was only born with one kidney and because of diabetes, that kidney has failed.  They could call him at anytime for the surgery and I am worried they won't be able to come because of this.  I was him to get healthy as soon as possible and if it happens around the wedding, then it happens but I will miss them so much!  It won't be the same without my sister there!

    I also worry about the centerpieces not looking right, people not showing up or dancing at the wedding.  I have been to weddings before that were so boring that you just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.  I don't want this to happen to me.  Let's hope the DJ gets everyone out there!!
    I have a very similar fear!  My dad is suffering from kidney disease and has been waiting for over 2 years on the list.  Last Feb they told him he should get a call within these next 2 years.  I can't imagine him not walking me down the aisle.  Now I worry that if this timing should happen, I don't have a videographer!
  • megra03 said:
    I have a lot of fears when it comes to the wedding.  I am worried my sister (MOH), BIL (GM) and their 3 children (2 FG and 1 RB) will not be able to make it up from Florida.  My BIL has been very sick  for couple years now and is on the kidney list waiting for a kidney transplant.  He was only born with one kidney and because of diabetes, that kidney has failed.  They could call him at anytime for the surgery and I am worried they won't be able to come because of this.  I was him to get healthy as soon as possible and if it happens around the wedding, then it happens but I will miss them so much!  It won't be the same without my sister there!

    I also worry about the centerpieces not looking right, people not showing up or dancing at the wedding.  I have been to weddings before that were so boring that you just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.  I don't want this to happen to me.  Let's hope the DJ gets everyone out there!!
    I have a very similar fear!  My dad is suffering from kidney disease and has been waiting for over 2 years on the list.  Last Feb they told him he should get a call within these next 2 years.  I can't imagine him not walking me down the aisle.  Now I worry that if this timing should happen, I don't have a videographer!
    It is a really scary thing.  Of course I want him to get a kidney but I can't imagine not having my sister there with me.  They live down in Florida and because of his blood type they told her that it should hopefully be only about a year.  He has been on the list since about February of this year but they did tell him it could be anytime now. 
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  • I'm scared as well about eldery family members passing away. FI's memere is 93 and currently has some serious health issues and things do not look good right now. 
    I'm worried about falling down. I fall a lot. I'm a complete klutz. 
    I worry that my dress won't fit. Both ways - that it'll be too big or too small. 
    I worry about there being too many people to fit into the reception space - my dad seems to be inviting everyone he comes in contact with and can't grasp the fact that there is a legitimate capacity that we cannot exceed.
    I worry about people being offended about not being able to bring their kids. It's not that we don't love them, it's just that our families are enormous. 
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  • I had wedding nightmares when we started planning (beginning of 2012). It was always photog did not show, I was not dressed in time, everything was chaos. I have not had a wedding nightmare in a long time (since we decided on a smaller wedding). 

    The thing I fear most is the weather (outdoor ceremony/reception) but we rented a pavilion next to the intended ceremony site that can hold 175 people (60 invited). If need be we can do the ceremony and reception under there. I did do research 40 years back for this area on October 5th and historically it is a nice day. A little bit of rain every 10 years is the trend and it rained last year so I think we are good. Also my photog said it has never rained for a wedding she has shot, like ever and she has been doing this for a while (she has rain props just in case but has never been able to use them, lol). 

    Basically the biggest worry is everything coming together as planned. My FI has told me he is going to set everything up the day of and I am to go get pampered/relax. This is hard for me cause I am a perfectionist but we will go over things beforehand and I trust him. Also thinking about setting up and doing hair/makeup/getting dressed just sounds like to much. I helped set up, had hair/makeup, had to get dressed for my friends wedding I was in and it was so stressful and I was not even getting married. 
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  • I've had some wedding nightmares (Hubby does a surprise wedding, with me in a dress that's 6 sizes too big, only half the guests find the place, etc), but the only thing I'm really worried about right now is that no one is going to want to dance.  I'm a huge dancer, but I want to dance with everyone...and some people in my family aren't dancers.  I want them to be happy, and am having other activities, but I want to dance with everyone.  Dunno what to do about it, other than put on REALLY good music!
  • Yeah, like many of you I'm most afraid of FI's Grandpa (who I'm also very close to) passing away. FI's Granny just passed away this year and then his only sister got engaged within 3 weeks of us and his mom (whose parents I've been talking about) has just been reeling with all the changes in her life and I love her like a second mom so I don't know what I'd do if Grandpa had another stroke or something close to the wedding (epic run on sentence there).

    Also FI's other Grandmother is a bit of a pill (like tells his mother to shut up in front of people, yelled at his parents for not having bought her a vacation home status pill) and he has an uncle who's so much of a jerk that his own family admits it and I've never even met him because they dislike him so much. So, yeah, there is some fear that the mystery uncle will show up or there will be some crazy altercation involving his Grandmother.

    Also also, I've totally been having "I forgot my dress" or "I forgot to get my hair and makeup done and I look so hungover from the rehearsal dinner" or "I thought the wedding was at 5 and it was at 3 and I missed it!" nightmares.
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  • I started the topic and then never posted.

    I think my biggest fear is that all of my planning and decision making will somehow not come "together." Like, fear of a vendor not showing up, or something not being set out. But those are really minor and in the grand scheme of things, super insignificant.
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  • The closer the date gets the more I am beginning to worry. Our wedding involves a lot of travel for everyone. It's not a destination wedding, and within deiving distance for everyone, however a few hours for everyone. I am worried that no one will come other than immediate family and we would have spent all this money and no one shows. I am also hoping for a nice day weather wise. Outdoor ceremony and the indoor alternative is not ideal. I just keep telling myself that all that matters is that I am married to best friend at the end of the day and that those people who really want to be there will be there. Good luck to you guys and *Hugs* to everyone.
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